Monday, July 31, 2006

Monday Morning

Sorry about the lack of entries lately. It's too hot to Blog.

Last night my automatic transmission wasn't kicking into second gear, so today I have to find a nearby greasemonkey to add some fluid.
I'm hoping that's all it is. It's too hot for car troubles.

How's your weather?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Project Runway!

Tonight was a model & dog show, with all my favorite kinds of little dogs on the runway.
Keith the sociopath chose one of those odd, hairless dogs with the big mane. So arrogant was he, he thought Morgan the dog needed only a gold braided collar... which he didn't even make himself.
The loser was Katherine, the messy little tomboy who did a cute green and gold hoodie for the dog, but a rather shabby, yet plain sort of green sleeveless dress.
Angela, the one who looks like my sister's first girlfriend, made a trashy streetwalker skirt and top that almost got her knocked off, but Katherine's bland dress saved her.
So far I hate Keith for his arrogance, Vincent for his nebbishness and Jeffrey for trying to be the bad boy but whose chin is too weak to pull it off.
The design front-runners tonight in my opinion were Laura the uptight, dog hating architect, Kayne the Oklahoma queen and Uli, the skinny kraut woman who won the competition.

Oooh, next week someone is going to be kicked off for cheating.
Delicious!
Telemarketing to Your Cell Phone??

Go to www.donotcall.gov to register your cell phone number on the government's do not call list, so telemarketers will not be able to suck your minutes and your time, trying to sell you crap you don't want to buy.
For the more trusting among you, call 1-888-382-1222 to add your cell number to the list.
This has been a public service announcement, brought to you by the fine person at Pulp Friction.
Just Watch Bravo All Evening

I've already written about Project Runway, on Bravo tonight at 8, 9 and 10 central, but you might also want to catch "Work Out" at 7, the reality show about personal trainers that stars a cute little butch dyke.
Then there's wacky Angelina Jolie on "Inside the Actors Studio" at 6 central.
I can already see I'll be taking no phone calls tonight.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Contender

It's on ESPN tonight at 9 central. Watch it and see if it makes you cry, tough guy.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

You Go, Lieutenant Watada

Army First Lt. Ehren Watada has refused to be deployed to Iraq.
From the NY Times: "On Jan. 25, “with deep regret,” he delivered a passionate two-page letter to his brigade commander, Col. Stephen J. Townsend, asking to resign his commission.

“Simply put, I am wholeheartedly opposed to the continued war in Iraq, the deception used to wage this war, and the lawlessness that has pervaded every aspect of our civilian leadership,” Lieutenant Watada wrote..."


I applaud his stand and support his courage in answering to a higher power than this administration of conniving draft dodgers who started this unwinnable, illegal war.

If there's a legal defense fund for Lt. Watada, I'd like to contribute to it. May he be among the first of millions of military members who say no to deployment to Iraq.

All this talk the Christian right-wing radical fundamentalist warmongers spouts off about patriotism is just talk. Saying no to an order that defies the laws of the land is an act of patriotism of the highest order.

God Bless Lt. Watada, and God Bless America.
Project Runway Season Three:
Attention: Gays, Girls and Secure, Straight Men

Once again, I have to say if you are missing this season of Bravo's Project Runway, you are missing one of the most glorious television shows in the history of television broadcasting.
Look, I'll admit I am no fashion maven. I'm a dyke.
I draw my wardrobe from the design collections of Eddie Bauer, Land's End, L.L. Bean and Old Navy. My always-comfortable shoes are from Merrill, Simple, Gravas, Birkenstock and Josef Siebel.
But anyone who watches P.R. instantly becomes an armchair Anna Wintour.
It takes no taste or effort to look at gorgeous models and decide which one is wearing the prettiest outfit.
It takes no fashion sense to watch the contestants in action and decide which is the biggest asshole, the faggiest, the most controlling bitch, or the sweetest, most deserving one.
Here, let me show you:

The PROJECT RUNWAY season three designers are:

Bradley Baumkirchner, 32, Los Angeles, CA
Weird looking, lacks self esteem, okay designer but a total, slump-shouldered nerd. I cant tell if he's gay or straight, but it doesn't matter because he's unfuckably homely to all, poor guy.

Laura Bennett, 42, New York, NY
A deliciously uptight, razor thin red-headed architect who never appears without full make-up and a stunning ensemble. She's a stunningly great designer and a total bitch. I love her.

Robert Best, 36, West Hollywood, CA
This sweet little queen works for Mattel, designing Barbie doll fashions. It don't get any better than that. I consider him a contender for the top spot.

Malan Breton, 32, Long Island City, NY
Alas, Gay Dracula has been voted off. His smarmy grin, his suspicious English accent and his phenomenally greasy Pompadour made him seem like a best bet for show villain, yet his humble, personal admissions and his docile nature made him quite lovable. Adieu, Malan.

Bonnie Dominquez, 31, San Diego.
Straight, perky and sweet, Bonnie is a decent designer and a likable human being. She also has an adorable profile.

Stacey Estrella, 40, San Francisco, CA
She got voted off first, with her gauzy white gown made from lace curtains and the boy shorts beneath all the gossamer. It's okay though, she's got an Ivy League master's degree so she'll be fine.

Katherine Gerdes, 25, Minneapolis, MN
A messy little tomboy with a sweet face and no clue. Look to her to design Mukluks and down ski parkas after she's thrown off the show.

Kayne Gillaspie, 27, Norman, OK
This delightfully faggy boy owns a formal wear and beauty pageant store in Oklahoma, for Christ's sake. He swoons when he's supposed to and designs real purty girl stuff. Look to him as a front-runner.

Ulrike "Uli" Herzner, 35, Miami Beach, FL
A tall, skinny blonde Kraut, she designs praktical und sehr pretty fashion fur vomen.
She's too skinny and tanned to be trusted. Heidi likes her, though. Must be all that yodeling.

Alison Kelly, 25, Brooklyn, NY
Another sweet but rather bland straight girl, her fashion designs are well made and serviceable. She'll fly under the radar for several more challenges.

Angela Keslar, 33, Amesville, OH
This gator-grinned Earth Mother doesn't know shit about designing, but she does look almost exactly like my Big Sis's first female lover, Irene. For that alone I hope she remains a while.

Michael Knight, 28, Atlanta, GA
Gotta love the only Black man in the competition. He got his start designing lewd female booty-wear for Atlanta's Hip Hop video scene. I love his straight male ideas of what bitches should wear. Nasty but hot.

Vincent Libretti, 49, Santa Monica, CA
I hate this twitchy, New York nebbish. He's an old straight guy with a nervous whine, hideous eyewear and a knack for making the ugliest clothing I've ever seen. His color inspiration comes from assorted piles of vomit he's induced in himself and others.

Keith Michael, 34, New York, NY
The image of Jacob Dylan and Greg Kinnear's love child, cocky Keith may be thrown off soon for submitting a portfolio of stolen women's wear designs. He's a men's wear designer who admitted he's never sewn a dress in his life. He's a good, clean designer but cheaters never prosper.

Jeffrey Sebelia, 36, Los Angeles, CA
Anyone who gets a tattoo that spans his entire neck has to be a sociopath. He's also got a weak chin and far too much bravado for his shitty fashion sense. His friend Santino Rice, last season's resident sociopath, inspired him to audition for P.R. He wishes he was as controversial. I call his fashions, "angry meth lab white trash."

I'm thinking this blog needs a weekly recap of Project Runway.
Who'll join me in making it work?
Carry on!

Saturday, July 22, 2006

There's a Sucker Born Every Minute

Texas is hot in the summer.
A visiting Canadian friend once referred to it as "India hot," and she was correct.
Yeah, yeah, with global warming it's hotter everywhere, but Texas has gone from hot to fucking crazy Satanic hot in the summer.
As I was watching television late one night last week, I spied an infomercial-type ad for a product called, "AutoCool."
AutoCool is a solar powered gizmo one hooks over a car window. The solar panel generates power from the sweltering sun and activates an exhaust fan, sucking all the hot air out of the parked car and leaving it a cool temperature somewhere in the 70's.
I was seduced by the prospect (not to mention delirious from a long day of sweltering heat) and called the 1-800 number immediately.
I was so excited.
For $14.99 plus about $7 shipping and handling, I was on my way to cool, parked car comfort. So excited was I, I nearly ordered discounted extras for my siblings.
They also tried to "give me" a spongy container that fits in a cup holder and organizes cell phones, note pads, pens and loose change.
I declined.
First, I don't have a cup holder in my car, and second I didn't think the glorified Koozie was worth the extra six bucks they wanted for S&H.

I started waiting with delicious anticipation for the thing to arrive.

Then last night, Eyewitness News in San Antonio did a consumer affairs segment where they tested the Auto Cool.
The teasers before the report were neutral, so I waited impatiently to see if I'd been rooked. My friends Elaine and Susan were there, already giving me the business before the results were even reported.

They parked two similar cars next to each other in a treeless, asphalt parking lot.
Both held giant thermometers on the passenger seat, each reading 90 degrees at the start of the test.
Only one car had the AutoCool installed in the window.
After four hours, the car without the AutoCool device registered a roasty, toasty 126 degrees.
Holy shit! I had no idea cars got that hot in Texas summers.
By then, I would have been happy if the AutoCooled car chilled the other car to only 100 degrees.
Then they showed the thermometer in the AutoCooled car.
It registered 130 fucking degrees (or 54 Celsius).
In short, I've been screwed.
I've no idea if the packaging will contain any return options, but somehow I doubt it.

But the good news is, if I ever decide to speak to my middle sister's obnoxious partner again, I'll have the perfect Christmas gift for her.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Nigga, Please!

Did anyone catch Bush's pussified speech to the NAACP?
It removed all doubt that he is, in fact, a substanceless, clueless honky.
Veto THIS.

If Bush is so worried about 'human life' that he used his first veto ever to cancel federal funding for stem cell research, you gotta wonder...
Is this the same guy who broke all records for executions when he was Governor of Texas?
Is he the same Bush who casually estimates civilian deaths in Iraq at, "Say, I'd guess about 30,000" ?
Either human life is sacred or it's not.
Once again, Bush proves that his ignorance of science, popular opinion and fact is trumped by his delusional religiosity.
My higher power wants to kick his higher power's ass.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Israel, Lebanon and Hezbollah

I've been trying to grasp who's doing what to whom in this latest Middle East cat fight, but one thing seems for sure--Israel is pounding the crap out of Lebanon, trying to rid the Hezbollah of missiles.
I'm no expert, and unlike these Clyde-types, I don't rush to partisan talking points to see how I should think, but I can't help but feel George W. Bush has ripped open the cages of all these 13th century cockroaches, and in the process started a global jihad.
The Middle East, including Israel, seem to love war more than peace. Didn't Bush learn that from his father?
Besides, any country, sect or militia stupid enough to fuck with Israel must lack even basic history books in their schools.
I hope Bush has the sense to let them settle it themselves instead of sending in that shrill seahag Condi Rice. So far, I have yet to see her brokering even a scintilla of peace, anywhere.
But then, she isn't about peace. She's about the American petroleum industry.
Just like her dumb ass boss.
Heaven help us...or better still, they should send in America's best peacemaker, Jimmie Carter.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Bush Needs Lesson in Statesmanship
by my Hero, Helen Thomas

President Bush has discovered diplomacy and is saying goodbye to his disastrous pre-emptive military policy. But, as he says so often, diplomacy is "hard work."

The escalating violence in the Iraq war -- now in its fourth year with no end in sight -- may have led to a grand awakening on Bush's part.

Bush is finding he has few options in dealing with crises with Iran and North Korea -- both seeking nuclear weapons -- and with the new violence between the Israelis and the Palestinians.

With U.S. forces stretched thin in Iraq and Afghanistan, the president now realizes the world's only military superpower can no longer act alone.

He would do well to heed the admonition in John F. Kennedy's inaugural address in 1961 when he told us: "Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate."

Bush also should be reminded of a quotation from President Eisenhower, who frequently said he would go anywhere, anytime "in pursuit of peace."

The good news is that the U.S. is now willing to sit down with European nations to talk directly to Iran. It has no alternative.

But the bad news is that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has spurned the European package of political and economic concessions, saying he will not retreat from Iran's right to develop its nuclear industry.

When questioned about North Korea's firing of a nuclear-capable missile, Bush told reporters at a news conference last week in Chicago: "As you know I want to solve all problems diplomatically."

But he added:

"The problem with diplomacy, it takes a while to get something done. If you're acting alone, you can move quickly. When you're rallying world opinion and trying to come up with the right language at the United Nations to send a clear signal, it takes a while."
Meantime, the U.S. continues to refuse direct talks with North Korea, a policy that's hard to understand when one considers the possibility of reaching an agreement that could keep the Korean peninsula nuclear free.

Bush says he will "not get caught in a trap of sitting alone at a table with North Korea." Why not?

Bush should brush up on Eisenhower and Kennedy when it comes to statesmanship. He could learn a lot.

Eisenhower opened the door to the Soviet Union by calling for coexistence. Kennedy stepped back from a nuclear holocaust in the Cuban missile crisis by negotiating with Nikita Khrushchev.

So we should write the obituary of the president's policy of unilateral use of force, a strategy he first outlined in June 2002 at the West Point commencement.

It has turned to shambles in Iraq -- and there is hope that he has learned his lesson. He now turns to the lesson of working the world's diplomatic channels to confront North Korea with an alliance, not a swaggering Uncle Sam.

China, Japan, South Korea, and Russia join the U.S. in opposing North Korea's nuclear ambitions. The U.S. is fortunate that the whole neighborhood is upset -- especially Japan -- over the possibility that the Stalinist-style communist state could become a nuclear power.

Bush is currently relying on China to persuade North Korea -- its close ally -- that it could face even greater isolation if it persisted in developing a nuclear arsenal.

A diplomat once described his job as "keeping the conversation going." That's precisely what the United States should do on all fronts.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

HA! Valerie Plame is suing Dick, Scooter and Rove

It's about time.
Retaliation is petty, but outing a CIA agent is a crime of treason.
If the government won't do its job, let the civil courts handle it.
I hope she prevails and bleeds them dry.
Go Valerie, go.
Loved This Piece

by Robert J. Elisberg, The Huffington Post

Anyone can ask tough, intricate, confrontational questions. But all that ever does is start an argument, and it gets people nowhere. On the other hand, these are...well, easy. These are friendly questions. These are questions that allow another person to actually explain their thoughts, and explain fully. And to do so in as comfortable, as simple a way as possible.

Without feeling attacked. Without feeling pressure. Without feeling no one cares what they have to say. Friendly. Easy.

Print them out, carry them around in your pocket, and the next time someone begins quoting from a Republican talking points memo, take the list out and ask.

1. What are the Top Seven best things that the Bush Administration has done?

2. Is the Iraq War is going well?

3. After three years thus far, when do you think Iraq might be able to "stand up" so that America can "stand down"?

4. For his part in the event, how would you rate the job the President did protecting New Orleans from devastation?

5. How do you think the rebuilding of New Orleans is going?

6. When Dick Cheney and the oil company and energy executives met in private to plan America's energy policy, how much of their goal was to benefit consumers?

7. Do you believe in the President's call for an Era of Personal Responsibility?

8. Since Republicans control the White House, Senate and House of Representatives, how personally responsible are they for conditions in America today?

9. Why do you think they haven't been able to find anyone who can verify that George Bush ever showed up for National Guard duty in Alabama?

10. Would you want Donald Rumsfeld to plan your daughter's wedding?

11. Are you aware that no government in the history of civilization, other than the Bush Administration, has lowered taxes during a war?

12. Are you married?

13. Do you personally feel threatened by gay marriage?

14. Since getting elected, do you think the President has been more a uniter or a divider?

15. How do you explain the President's approval rating going from a high of 90% to the current mid-30%?

16. Do you like the government collecting personal data on you without a warrant?

17. How much money do you have in your bank account, stocks and investments?

18. What's your partner's favorite sex position?

19. If you have nothing to hide, why aren't you answering?

20. Should we build a wall along the Mexican border?

21. Why isn't anyone building a wall along the Canadian border?

22. Does that terrorist gang arrested in Canada count as a threat?

23. If you shot someone in the face while drinking, how fast would the police show up to arrest you?

24. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter's wedding three years ago, would the guests still be there?

25. Even if no laws are broken, do you think it's okay to reveal the name of a covert agent?

26. During your lifetime, approximately how often have you changed your mind?

27. Why shouldn't people dismiss you as a flip-flopper?

28. Where do you think the Weapons of Mass Destruction might be?

29. Where do you think Osama bin Laden might be?

30. Is it fiscally responsible to cut taxes, increase spending and create a $9 trillion federal debt?

31. Are you glad liberals passed such programs as Social Security, Medicare, the Civil Rights Act, women's suffrage, federal deposit insurance, unemployment compensation, rural electrification, child labor laws, minimum wages and the 40-hour work week?

32. What are the Top Ten best things that conservatives have given to America?

33. If you were on life support, would you want a doctor you'd never met making a diagnosis about you via remote television?

34. Do you think man-made greenhouse gases have anything at all to do with depleting the ozone layer?

35. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter's wedding three years ago, and guests were still there, how many factions would they now be split into?

36. How good is it that the terrorist Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi was killed?

37. Are you aware that in 2002 the Pentagon knew where al-Zarqawi was and presented three separate plans to kill him, but the Administration refused to act each time?

38. Is George W. Bush the kind of guy you'd want to sit down and have a beer with?

39. When he started talking about being a Born Again Christian, would you want to stay or leave?

40. Is Ray Romano the kind of guy you'd want to sit down and have a beer with?

41. Would you want him to be President?

42. Does the Administration have an environmental policy that benefits the environment?

43. Since George Bush campaigned for President strongly against nation building, in what ways are our actions in Iraq not nation building?

44. What's the maximum amount of time you'd want to spend alone with Dick Cheney?

45. After dismissing Saddam Hussein's old Iraqi army, was it a good idea to let them keep their rifles?

46. Would a policy that allows torture be something that makes you proud as an American?

47. Has the Mission been Accomplished?

48. Do you feel comforted that Dick Cheney is a heartbeat away from being President?

49. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter's wedding, and guests started fighting and were killed, would you expect to be allowed to view the caskets when they were returned home?

50. How glad do you think George Bush is that he's no longer active in the National Guard?

Copyright 2006 © HuffingtonPost.com, LLC

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Anti Terorism Funds: A Festival of Pork

NY TIMES: WASHINGTON, July 11 — It reads like a tally of terrorist targets that a child might have written: Old MacDonald’s Petting Zoo, the Amish Country Popcorn factory, the Mule Day Parade, the Sweetwater Flea Market and an unspecified “Beach at End of a Street.”

But the inspector general of the Department of Homeland Security, in a report released Tuesday, found that the list was not child’s play: all these “unusual or out-of-place” sites “whose criticality is not readily apparent” are inexplicably included in the federal antiterrorism database..."

To read the entire article go to:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/12/washington/12assets.html?_r=1&th&emc=th&oref=slogin

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

e-DisHarmony.Com

You see the ads on TV all the time.
Kindly old Dr. Neil Clark Warren and a gaggle of loving heterosexual couples expound the virtues of e-Harmony's scientific Compatibility Matching System, while Natalie Cole croons, "This Will Be" in the background.
It's the online dating system of the future. It's the way you find your soulmate and a relationship that lasts forever.

Unless you're gay.
E-Harmony doesn't do gays.

My guess is, kindly Dr. Neil Clark Warren is one of those "relationship experts" who doesn't avail himself of modern psychological views concerning homosexuality.
We just don't matter to Dr. Neil, even though we have more disposable income than most breeders, and can afford novel new methods of meeting gay people (other than in bars or at parties).

If Dr. Neil is overlooking the millions of dollars a gay clientele might bring in, could it be he's just another right-wing fundamentalist Christian wingnut, using his dating service to further his radical agenda?

Feh. I don't trust the guy.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Okay, I'll Admit It...
I've Had it and I Need Your Help.

I hate AOL.
For the last five or six years I've tolerated it because I got their service for free.
I was what was called "a community leader," which means I used to monitor message boards to make sure nobody used the word 'fuck.'
Last year, they discontinued the community leader program and they sent me an e-mail saying they'd give me one more free year as a thank you.
The free year expired in June, then they automatically deducted $30 from my checking account on July 1. No notice, except for that one last year. Thirty bucks??
Now the whole program is cattywampus.
It frequently crashes, the AOL Computer Check-up doesn't work, and now when I open a window, the top part hides under the AOL menu so I have to take Herculean efforts to close it.
I contacted a simpering Tech Support person last night who kept thanking me for my patience- as if I had any. It took 15 minutes just to communicate the problem to her.
Naturally, she gave me some bullshit solution that required me to log off before it would work.
I did and it didn't.
Then she sent me an e-mail, suggesting other alternatives in case her bullshit solution #1 failed to work.
They too failed to work.
The only remaining solution is to reinstall the software, which is tantamount to trying to teach me how to rewire my home or drop my car transmission.
I am seriously considering jumping ship and I think my phone service, AT&T, offers a broadband service ( I now have AOL dial-up) for less cost than basic AOL. They already handle my home phone and cell phone accounts, so I am leaning toward them for the convenience of having three bills with one company.

Questions:
Do any of you have AT&T broadband, and if so, are you satisfied with it?
What other ISP's might you recommend?
I don't want anything connected with Roadrunner or Time Warner cable.
I don't want to pay any exorbitant fees for connecting me to high speed service. I think AT&T provides that at no cost.

Help a sister out here, please.
Tell us your tales of woe about AOL.
Then help me stick it to them.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Drama in The River City

Jeeze. My life is a breeze compared to my friend I'll call Lainie.
She's 41 and her brother Junior is 40.
Their parents are Lola and Ken, each about 65-years-old.
I've known the whole family for almost 20 years. We all live in the same general area.
Last year, Ken, a retired aircraft engineer, avid gun collector and strong, silent type announced to his family he was a woman trapped in a man's body. His intention is to undergo sexual reassignment surgery after a suitable course of hormone therapy and open crossdressing.
Lola, whom I've always thought was kind of butch (ex: she plays drums in an Oompa band) totally freaked out about Ken's announcement.
So did Junior.
Lainie, who's gay, was thrilled with the announcement.
She came out to her dad with great ease. He hardly noticed- I presume he was too preoccupied with the new Spiegel for Ladies catalog.
So, Lola started getting angrier and crazier about Ken's quest to become a female and she immediately started divorce proceedings.
Junior, a rather petite male with an alcohol problem, sided with Lola. In fact, Junior seemed to take Ken's news as a direct affront to his delicate masculinity. His wife is a devout Christian who has denounced her father-in-law as a satanic sexual deviate.
Needless to say, they will not allow Ken to see his innocent young grandson, Jack.
Sensing her dad needed extra emotional support, I was brought into the picture to socialize with Ken, who now dresses as a woman most of the time and refers to herself as Patti.
Patti looks a lot like Ken except for the pointy bras and floral capris. She now has a companion called Toni, also a transgendered male. Though they take a lot of effort to pass as women, their masculine looks make for an unfortunate visage aux deux.
The divorce was a nightmare.
Lola started showing up in court with a cane and an oxygen tank, though she needs neither in real life. Junior flanked her like Fredo in The Godfather, trying to look tough and sneering despite his diminutive stature and high pitched voice.
Junior remains relentlessly hostile toward his father, and since she took Patti's side, Junior also loathes Lainie.
Junior wangled a power of attorney from his mother, which led him to believe his father's half of the community property was his.
Many fights have ensued since then, most prominent being Junior trying to appropriate Patti's vast gun collection. Patti prevailed in court, storing her vast arsenal in a tasteful armoire.
Because we all live within a small distance from one another, we frequent the same neighborhood coffee shop. Lainie takes great pleasure using her fancy digital camera to take mini video clips of her mother while she's eating. Lola likes to call the police and make scenes in the coffee shop, demanding they arrest Lainie for harassment.
They never do. She hides her little camera.
Now that the dust should have settled, Junior seems to be drinking more than ever.
Liquor, his crazy Christian wife and furious mother have emboldened him, turning him into an habitual stalker.
He seems to spend most days and nights calling Lainie and Patti and hanging up when they answer. A trap has been put on both lines to put an end to his antics.
Also, he drives his aged gold Buick Century past both their apartments with great frequency, slowing down to shoot dirty looks whether or not anyone's looking.
Last night I was at Lainie's apartment, and as I left, hovering in the circular driveway downstairs was Junior in his big Buick with the lone headlight shining menacingly toward her stairway.
As I drove away, the Buick zoomed past me.
I decided to follow him for a few blocks just to fuck with his head.
He was all over the road, definitely drunk and probably armed, so I quickly abandoned the pursuit and drove home.
I called Lainie when I got home and she was downstairs with the police, filing a report. I got to talk to the officer and describe Junior's erratic driving in my best reporter's narrative.
Though Lainie finally has one parent with whom she shares emotional closeness, the prize has been hard-won.
Junior will probably end up getting arrested for harassment, driving while intoxicated and carrying an unlicensed, concealed weapon. That'll likely result in some time in the pokey. I doubt that will further endear him to his father.
Lola has, in the process, had a serious heart attack because of the stress she's put herself through, and she could drop dead at any moment.
Patti should be enjoying her new-found freedom, but she's having to be hyper-vigillant about her crazy, drunken son and vindictive ex-wife.
This could all be solved if everyone would just mind their own business.
Codependency, alcoholism, guns and rage have fueled this monumental family feud.
All this because an old man has decided to live out his life on his own terms. It seems the whole family has collapsed because one person decided to drop the facade.
Ridiculous, isn't it?

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Let Me See if I Got This Straight

AP: "North Korea launched five test missiles on Tuesday within minutes of the space shuttle Discovery liftoff. Despite warnings from the United States and Japan, North Korea fired a long-range missile called the Taepodong-2, which is capable of reaching the United States. North Korea also set off four shorter range missiles able to target South Korea and Japan. All five of the fired missiles fell into the sea of Japan.

"The Bush Administration classified the North Korean missile exercise as "provocative," but not an immediate threat. National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley told reporters that President Bush was not surprised by the tests "because we've seen this coming for a while..."

Provocative?

Isn't that kind of a wimpy word to use on a country that tested nukes which could reach the shores of America?

Bush thought Iraq's nonexistent WMD's were "an imminent threat," yet an enemy nation actually testing their nukes is merely provocative?

Bush has propelled us into an insane nation. Up is down, black is white, threats aren't real, pretense is a threat...it's hard to keep up.

Yesterday, Ken Lay made a wise career decision. May Bush soon emulate his good pal, Kenny Boy.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

I Shoulda Bought a Fifth on the Third

Here's a 4th of July treat for you.
Remember Osama bin Laden, the guy who masterminded the 9/11 catastrophes?
Well, the CIA unit charged with tracking him has been disbanded.
The unit, known as Alec Station, was disbanded and its analysts reassigned within the C.I.A. Counterterrorist Center, officials said.

The decision is a milestone for the agency, which formed the unit before Osama bin Laden became a household name and bolstered its ranks after the Sept. 11 attacks, when Bush pledged to bring Mr. bin Laden to justice "dead or alive."

Draw your own conclusions, folks. You don't need me to tell you a thing.