Monday, March 31, 2008

Remember Me?

My name is Osama bin Laden and I was the mastermind of the attack on evil georgebush america on september 11, 2001.
I do not have time for humour but I find it humor that your evil condoleezzarice said on news cnn that she and her evil georgebush heretic man friends did not expect war on Iraq "to be this difficult." ha ha ha on them.
Evil georgebush say to american sheep he will find me and to kill me but he lie.
My King Abdullah(may-Allah-forgive-his-dalliance-with-evil georgebush)happens to own evil georgebush and have told him he may not search for me, a proud son of Saudi Arabia(may Allah bless its parched ramparts).
King Abdullah instead say to evil georgebush, I hate saddam the infidel and you must kill him and not kill Osama bin Laden because he is proud son of Saudi Arabia (may Allah bless its gilded toilet thrones in all major palaces.
Evil americans who still believe evil georgebush search for me is in earnest, may a thousand camels deposit dung in your imperialist suv's automobiles.
I am in border of pakistan and afghanistan dwelling in cave with all conveniences such as internet, oven microwave, tv flatscreen, satellite dish, port-a-can, tv studio and fresh date and olive bar.
Evil americans can try to find me but cave is protected by secret service evil georgebush agents who do not permit finding me.
ha ha ha on evil american infidels (may Allah smite you with four more years republican president).
Allah Akbar!

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Not So Fast, Boys

Yeah, yeah, everyone wants Hillary to step down "for the good of the party."
They want her to step down before the Pennsylvania primary just in case she wins it big, that much is obvious.
All this phony posturing about clearing the way for a unified candidate is bullshit.
Ever hear of something called "The Democratic National Convention"? Traditionally, that's where the candidate is chosen.
I know millions of Obama's Claymates are new at this, but wishing his competition would just go away before the convention won't make it so.
I think she should stay in the race as long as she's still got a shot. Yes, even if it is a long shot.
If people are worried that Hillary may say something about Obama the GOP can use against him, rest assured, Hillary's not evil enough to think of anything the GOP hasn't already thought to use.
If people are so hot to see a candidate emerge before the convention, perhaps they should ask Obama to step down...for the good of the party and all.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Dancing With the Has-Beens and the Who-Are-They's

In spite of the absolutely tedious cast of dancing "stars" this season, I remain hopelessly addicted to the show.
Let's go over the cast, shall we?
Adam Corolla: He dances like a clown with leg braces. And his crouton teeth look like he'd have really bad breath. He won't last long.
Christian de la Fuente: I don't know this Ricky Ricardo and I don't care who he is back in Chile.
Shannon Elizabeth: Another D-list siliconed no-last-name-havin' starlet whose dancing is as bland as rice crackers. Zzzz. She's got no chance.
Steve Guttenberg: Gosh, I used to kind of like him but it turns out he's a total suck-up with the judges, he uses too many goofy facial expressions when he dances and he has no dancing ability whatsoever. Buh Bye, Steve.
Penn Jillette: Oh my God. Remember when Peter Boyle played Frankenstein in the Mel Brooks movie and danced to "Puttin' on the Ritz"? Say no more.
Monica Seles: Egads. Picture Celene Dion's face with Lisa Lampanelli's nose and a scarecrow's body. She may be a tennis champ but she's a dancing ironing board- quite possibly the worst female ever on DWtS. EVER!(see photo)
Jason Taylor: He's apparently a football player, but the man can dance, plus he's gorgeous. I hereby relinquish my objection to dancing nobodies on this show. He's got a real shot at the title.
Priscilla Presley: Poor thing. She just proves that a woman can be a gazillionaire and still choose the wrong plastic surgeon. Her face is so Botoxed and lifted and stretched and lip-plumped, I keep looking for the candle wick atop her head. She's not a bad dancer- especially for a woman over 60- but that frozen face is so distracting I can't wait till she's off the show.
Marissa Jaret Winokur: Turns out fat girls can dance, and I applaud her ability not to be sweating like crazy afterwards. She's what they call "bubbly," a term used for stumpy, chubby girls who compensate for their bodies with eternal perkiness. She's good, but not good enough to win.
Mario:There should be a law that prohibits showbiz people I've never heard of from using just their first name. Anyway, Mario is a very young hip hop singer (I guess) and he's a helluva dancer. He's a real contender.
Marlee Matlin:After seeing her convincingly hump Jennifer Beales in "The L Word," I can appreciate her acting range. However, I had serious doubts about a stone-deaf woman having the ability to overcome her disability well enough to be a good dancer. But I was wrong. She is a great dancer. Mazel tov!
Kristie Yamaguchi: I was never a big fan of this Olympic skater, but she's an almost-perfect dancer. She's definitely the one to watch this season and she could end up winning the male-dominated title.

Please tell me you are watching this season- then tell me your pick to win.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Hola! Bienvenidos a los Estados Unidas!

In today's New York Times at there's an article* that talks about American retail stores like Best Buy, Circuit City and Home Depot telling their employees it's okay to haggle with customers about retail price tags.
Many have read by now that Best Buy and Circuit City are planning to close their stores due to the economic recession. Gotta wonder about Home Depot...
But if anyone doubts that Bush has managed to turn us into a second rate country that's imitating the sales tactics of Mexican mercados, here's your proof.

*Sorry, my efforts to create a hyperlink failed...

Saturday, March 22, 2008

You Gotta Wonder...

Okay, we all know I'm a Hillary supporter.
But I have an open mind that I constantly feed new information and process accordingly.
Obama's preacher Rev. Wright said some pretty radical things from the pulpit, and I don't mean radical in a good way.
I thought between that issue, the Rezko situation and Michelle Obama's big mouth, all this recent news was diminishing Obama's chances to be elected.
And I want a Democrat in office.
Then I heard Obama's speech and saw how well he diffused the situation. I was impressed.
In fact, if I had to choose between listening to the sermons of a firey Black minister and a slob like Rev. John Hagee I'd go with Blackie any day.

So, on comes Bill Richardson's endorsement of Obama.
Hmm. He served in the Clinton Whitehouse and even watched the Superbowl with Bill...
Did he endorse Obama because men always stick together, or did he endorse him because he's such a special guy, or did he think Hillary was losing anyway, so he started rooting for the overdog?
Or is Hillary just not someone Richardson has faith in to be president?
Camp Hillary said it's not an important endorsement because it occurred after the Texas primary, where Hillary's appeal to Hispanic voters is so strong.
I disagree. I think it was signinificant endorsement regardless of when it occurred.

I'm not saying I've switched alligience from Hillary to Obama. I'm saying if Obama wins the nomination, I may not be as crestfallen as I originally thought.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

And So it Begins...

With Barack Obama being the presumptive Democratic candidate for President, how unsurprising was it to discover on Thursday that several State Department employees were caught snooping through his passport information?
And even more predictable, Secretary of State Omarosa Rice vowed "to get to the bottom of it."
When these treasonous Bushian bastards and bitches first got into office, they started testing the waters of unwarranted, illegal domestic spying. The more they've gotten by with, the bolder they've become.
There are no more guarantees we as taxpaying citizens have any right to privacy. None. Not on our telephones, e-mail, surface mail, homes, offices or vehicles.
This passport scandal is just one more glaring example of the lawlessness the paranoid Bush administration has foisted off on us.
Does anyone think for even one nanosecond Condi Rice truly intends to look into this?
I bet she authorized it, and I bet she demanded copies of every document even slightly associated with Obama's passport, ready to pass it on to the GOP slime machine in time for the general election.
By now, the American public has gotten so used to this type of dictatorial defiance of our constitutional rights, few even care enough to be outraged.
I pray that karma is real.
And I pray even harder that this latest incident infuriates Obama so much, when he becomes president he'll launch history's longest, most far-reaching probe into the crimes and treasonous activities of Bush and his entire cabinet.
They all belong in prison. For life.
Happy Anniversary, Dear

I want to wish Bush and his cabinet filled with ass-lickers, crooks and con artists a happy fifth anniversary of war with Iraq.
Anyone here remember that Class A boob, Barcode King? His blog "Barcode King is Going Postal" is no longer even Googleable. It dropped off the map, and so did that dumb ass.
He, like Bush, was wrong so many times about Bush, the war and everything else, it stopped being fun to keep rubbing his stupid nose in it.
Like another boob who's dropped off the map, Donald Rumsfeld, Barcode King said I was ignorant to think the war would last more than six months, tops.
In fact, he said I was ignorant about a lot of political, historical things.

But guess what? I'm still here and my archives are, too.
So Barcode, if you're still out there, please print out my hundreds of pages of archive copies, roll them in a large, tight cylinder and stick them up your dumb ass.

And happy anniversary. I hope you've been silent all these years because you re-enlisted and are somewhere in Baghdad, picking shrapnel out of your stupid butt.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Bear Stearns: FUBAR

I'm no expert on the financial market.
In fact, what I know about firms like Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers can be contained in a small thimble.

All I know for sure is that Bear Stearns is essentially bankrupt because they gambled with shareholders' money and lost.
Lehman Brothers is to Bear Stearns as Sam's Club is to Costco. Same basic thing, just different names. I predict they will be the next Money Biz to fail.

Of course, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke was appointed by Bush, which means he is incompetent. Anyone Bush has selected for any position has proven to be incompetent.
Therefore, any solution to corporate America's impending economic collapse Bernanke comes up with will be flawed, and ultimately useless.

Bush and his minions' solution to any problem is to throw dollars at it: billions of millions of trillions of our dollars.
And it never seems to work.

A lot of millionaires whose portfolios include hundreds of shares of Bear Stearns will be taking it up the ass over the collapse of the company. I wish I could scrape up some compassion for them, but they were part of the problem when they invested in a company that put profits above principles.

If I were a Democratic candidate running for president right now, I'd take a hard look at the wreakage Bush will be leaving and say, "I'm not going to run after all- too much of a mess to clean up."

I'm not sure Hillary will be able to attack this economic collapse if she wins. And Obama? I'm completely sure he lacks the experience to know where to begin in addressing Bush's failed economic policies.

I'm just grateful my house is paid off and I have no staggering bills to worry about.
If I was upside-down on a huge mortgage or other major debt right now, I'd be sweating blood.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Open Your Minds and Ponder This Question

By now it's clear that the Bush administration has continually engaged in illegal practices, including lying about Iraq's WMD, invading a soverign nation, awarding no bid secret contracts, ENRON, outing Valerie Plame, the FEMA failure after Katrina, letting bin Laden slip away, etc. etc. etc.
Our current Congress, with just a sliver of a Democratic majority, had their hands tied, lest they face an entire session of Republican filibustering against any plans to bring the Bush criminals to justice.

Now, I'm not going to try to influence your answer to my poll beyond this one observation:
Which candidate for president had to endure ceaseless investigations that led to nowhere? Clue: Whitewater, commodities trading, Vince Foster, spousal impeachment, as nauseam.

So, here's the question.

Which candidate for President of the United States of America would be most likely to call for Senate investigations into all that was malfiesant in the Bush administration's eight years in office?

A. Sen. Hillary Clinton
B. Sen. Barack Obama
C. Sen. John McCain
What she said.

Soft Shoe in Hard Times

Everyone here is flummoxed about why the president is in such a fine mood.

The dollar’s crumpling, the recession’s thundering, the Dow’s bungee-jumping and the world’s disapproving, yet George Bush has turned into Gene Kelly, tap dancing and singing in a one-man review called “The Most Happy Fella.”

“I’m coming to you as an optimistic fellow,” he told the Economic Club of New York on Friday. His manner — chortling and joshing — was in odd juxtaposition to the Fed’s bailing out the imploding Bear Stearns and his own acknowledgment that “our economy obviously is going through a tough time,” that gas prices are spiking, and that folks “are concerned about making their bills.”

He began by laughingly calling the latest news on the economic meltdown “a interesting moment” and ended by saying that “our energy policy has not been very wise” and that there was “no quick fix” on gasp-inducing gas prices.

“You know, I guess the best way to describe government policy is like a person trying to drive a car in a rough patch,” he said. “If you ever get stuck in a situation like that, you know full well it’s important not to overcorrect, because when you overcorrect you end up in the ditch.”

Dude, you’re already in the ditch.

Boy George crashed the family station wagon into the globe and now the global economy. Yet the more terrified Americans get, the more bizarrely carefree he seems. The former oilman reacted with cocky ignorance a couple of weeks ago when a reporter informed him that gas was barreling toward $4 a gallon.

In on-the-record sessions with reporters — and more candid off-the-record ones — he has seemed goofily happy in recent weeks, prickly no more but strangely liberated and ebullient.

Even though he ordinarily hates being kept waiting, he made light of it while cooling his heels for John McCain, and did a soft shoe for the White House press. Wearing a cowboy hat, he warbled a comic Western ditty at the Gridiron Dinner a week ago — alluding to Scooter Libby’s conviction, Saudis getting richer from our oil-guzzling, Brownie’s dismal Katrina performance, and Dick Cheney’s winsome habit of withholding documents.

At a dinner on Wednesday, the man who is persona non grata on the campaign trail (except for closed fund-raisers) told morose Republican members of Congress that he was totally confident that “we can retake the House” and “hold the White House.”

“I think 2008 is going to be a fabulous year for the Republican Party!” he said, sounding like Rachael Ray sprinkling paprika on goulash. That must have been news to House Republicans, who have no money, just lost the seat held by their former speaker, and are hemorrhaging incumbents as they head into a campaign marked by an incipient recession and an unpopular war.

If only they could see things as the president does. Bush, who used his family connections to avoid Vietnam, told troops serving in Afghanistan on Thursday that he is “a little envious” of their adventure there, saying it was “in some ways romantic.”

Afghanistan is still roiling, as is Iraq, but W. is serene. “Removing Saddam Hussein was the right decision early in my presidency, it is the right decision now, and it will be the right decision ever,” he said, echoing that great American philosopher Dan Quayle, who once told Samoans, “Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you will always be.”

W. bragged to Republicans about his “considered judgment” in sending more troops to Iraq and again presented himself as an untroubled instrument of divine will. “I believe there’s an Almighty,” he said, “and I believe a gift of that Almighty to every man, woman and child is freedom.”

Although the president belittled the Democrats for their policy of “retreat,” his surge has been a temporary and expensive place-holder for what Americans want: a policy to get us out of Iraq.

“Has it allowed us to reduce troop levels to below where they were when it started?” Michael Kinsley wrote recently. “The answer is no.” Gen. David Petraeus told The Washington Post last week that no one in the U.S. and Iraqi governments “feels that there has been sufficient progress by any means in the area of national reconciliation.”

Maybe the president is just putting on a good face to keep up American morale, the way Herbert Hoover did after the crash of ’29, when he continued to dress in a tuxedo for dinner.

Or maybe the old Andover cheerleader really believes his own cheers, and that prosperity will turn up any time now, just like the W.M.D. in Iraq.

Or perhaps it’s a Freudian trip. Now that he’s mucked up the world and the country, he can finally stop rebelling against his dad and relax in the certainty that the Bush name will forever be associated with crash-and-burn presidencies.

Whatever the explanation, it’s plumb loco.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Political Musings

No, this post will not be about using sanitized tape worms to reduce excess weight, but like this ad, politics can be disgusting and utterly misguided.
A local politician friend of mine expressed some interest in reading my Blog, so last night I browsed through the archives to see how my political views and predictions from as early as 2001 have withstood the test of time.
I'm not bragging, but I've been making accurate political predictions since this blog began.

Having said that, I want to make a few predictions about the presidential race.
Bear with me. If I'm wrong you can come back after the convention and call me a clueless dipshit.
I think Obama will go into the Democratic National Convention well ahead of Hillary, both in popular votes and delegate count, but she and Bill will go into overdrive in the back rooms of the delegates and super delegates and make some offers they cannot refuse.
If they truly possess the political acumen and sheer guts I think they have, don't be shocked if a lot of the delegates change their minds and go with Hillary, leading to her winning the nomination.
If this happens, the consternation from Obama supporters will fracture the party and cause a lot of Democrats not to vote at all. McCain will be the benefactor of this possibility.
Polls say the American public is tired of the GOP's war and economic blunders and they want a change. That's a given.
But the GOP masterfully packaged Little Bush into some kind of likable hero straight from central casting, while they depicted John Kerry as an elite French guy who purchased his three Purple Hearts with the bars of gold his butler carried for him while he was in Vietnam. They made Al Gore into a wooden statue who hugged one too many tree and bored people to death.
The GOP didn't steal the last two elections by showing us what a superb candidate they had in Bush, they did it by turning Al Gore and John Kerry into villains. The public bought it because America is infused with too many insecure lemmings who value guys who are willing to kill without much provocation.
I realize that a lot of people hate Hillary's guts.
Furthermore, this campaign season has exposed America's innate hatred for strong women beyond anyone's wildest imagination.
I have heard way too many people express their hatred for Hillary without offering one plausible explanation for that hatred. Vagaries like pant suits, staying with a cheating husband, her abrasive laugh, her fat ankles, commodities profits and murdering her friend Vince Foster arise.
Still, I think if Hillary wins the nomination then takes off the gloves and continually pounds McCain on his desire to continue the failed policies of Bush, people will hold their noses and vote for her.
Obama has benefited from his short history as a federal legislator. He didn't vote for the war because he wasn't a Senator at the time. The GOP won't find much political dirt with which to eviscerate him.
But he's got personal baggage that shoots arrows into the hearts of conservative, warmongering flag wavers, and that is indisputable.
Nobody has a friend named Barack. Nobody has neighbors named Obama. Nobody born in America has Hussein as a middle name.
His parents were a fucking mess. His daddy was an arrogant, Muslim, well-educated African who still had a wife in Africa when he married Obama's mother. Later in life he turned atheist.
His mother was a free spirit who left Barack with her parents while she trotted around Indonesia looking for intellectual enlightenment and a Ph.D.
And now it turns out his preacher and spiritual advisor is an angry, radical Black man who said "God damn America" from the pulpit.
Not only has Obama's Christianity been called into question, his association with Rev. Wright will brand him for millions as a white hating agitator.
His wife admitted she'd never been proud of America until her husband scored some political points. She is abrasive, and though it's no longer politically correct to call assertive Black women "uppity," it's still quite common for people to think it.
Obama's a brilliant orator whose intellectual depth crackles like electricity. He has a calming demeanor and quiet but elegant dignity.
But his liabilities will provide the GOP with enough to frighten the bejeebers out of Americans who still are new to thinking it just might be okay to be Black in America.
If he gets past the Clinton's political maneuvering and wins the nomination, we will witness the most relentless, hate-filled scare tactics ever inflicted by the GOP on a Democratic presidential candidate in America's history.
I'm not sure he can survive it because he's still a rookie at hardball federal politics. He has shown too much delicacy and resentment when Camp Hillary has come at him, and he has made the critical error of crying racism far too many times this early in the process.

I'm all for Obama being our next president, but if he loses to McCain because the GOP successfully diminishes him to dust, I'm going to be one pissed off American.

Hillary's proximity to Bill has most certainly taught her how to deflect GOP hardball tactics. She's a bitch who dishes back whatever is dished at her. She is hardened by fire. She is a respected Senator because she worked hard and humbly asked for guidance from senior senators on both sides of the aisle.

In short, I think she's tough enough and politically savvy enough to win the race.
Alas, I have some grave doubts about Obama having the toughness he'll need to survive the guttersniping and innuendo the GOP will surely launch at him.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Uh oh...

To be fair, I've been doing a lot of reading about Barack Obama and I find his story quite compelling. In fact, I am very impressed with his intellectual depth and his steady temperament, and I think he'd make an excellent president.
However, last night on "The Daily Show," I saw a brief clip of Obama's pastor Jeremiah Wright preaching from the pulpit. He was talking about America's racial intolerance and he said something like, "It's not God bless America, it's God damn America..."
Oh, fuck. He said God damn from the pulpit.
With McCain already having cinched the GOP nomination, you have to know the Republican slime machine is focusing full-time on decimating Sen. Obama in as many ways as possible.
This fiery preacher man is not going to be ignored by them, hear me now and believe me later. He's going to be the biggest chink in Obama's armor, and it scares me.
I once had the privilege of living next door to a Black Baptist church in Venice, California. How I loved opening my upstairs balcony doors on Sunday mornings and hearing the angelic choir and the deep, resonant cadence of the preacher's sermon.
As a lapsed Catholic, I was impressed with the depth of emotion I heard wafting from that little church through the ocean breezes. I envied the all-Black congregation, but I didn't attend any services because I didn't want my ruddy white face to stick out and cause me or them any discomfort.
While I am pretty tolerant of most religions, I do not like churches like San Antonio's mega Cornerstone Church, where their porcine preacher John Hagee laces his messages from the pulpit with neo-con hatred and intolerance.
The Republicans seem to love these kind of white supremacist fanatics, but they do not tolerate fanaticism in religions that aren't centered around pews filled with shiny Caucasians who find justification for their own proclivities and biases within the Bible.
The dashiki wearing Rev. Wright is the kind of Black firebrand preacher who can and will be unflatteringly compared to Malcolm X, H. Rap Brown and Louis Farrakhan and the Black Panthers by the GOP. Wright's clearly not crazy about Jews, either.
Obama has either attended or been associated with Wright's Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago for the last 20 years.
This association is going to hurt Obama.
In fact, I think this association will prove to be his Achilles heel.
I just hope he's assembling the country's best PR team to help him diffuse the shit-storm his association with Wright will surely cause.
A preacher just can't say "God damn America" from the pulpit. If it shocked me, well, you get the picture.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Ooops, I Did it $80,000 Worth

I can see treating oneself to a high priced hooker maybe once, but enough times to rack up $80,000 in charges? No, no, no.
The only bright side in seeing a Democrat and Superdelegate for Hillary hit the skids is that he wasn't paying for an underage male to service him, like the GOP seems to prefer.
I think Joy Behar summed it all up:
"Viagra is ruining the men of our nation."
If I were a straight woman married to a powerful male politician, I'm not sure if I'd prefer he pay hookers for sex or develop an emotional, sexual affair with some bimbo.
One thing I do know, however. He could suck his own dick from then on.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Happy Birthday, Little Man

Today is Baby Jake's three month birthday.
He has big plans:
1. Torture his big brothers Nick and James.
2. Make a lot of noise.
3. Eat. Poop. Repeat.
4. Knock over something.
5. Race around a lot.
6. Stare at me.
7. Nap.
8. Follow me from room to room.
9. Get into things.
10.Climb my leg so he can help me on the computer.

Friday, March 07, 2008

What a Fucking Hick

Yesterday, professional panderer John McCain and his robo-wife Cindy went to the Whitehouse to accept George Bush's dubiously valuable endorsement.
Bush hemmed and hawed and sort of endorsed him, after which McCain's was asked by a reporter whether he actually wanted the Resident to campaign for him, considering his approval rating of only 19 percent.
McCain mentioned Bush's "incredibly busy schedule" about five times in two minutes, which is political code for saying, "Oh, Hell,no."
But here's the kicker.
Bush then invited the McCains in for lunch.
Wow! A Whitehouse lunch with a potential new president should be an elegant affair, with delicious foods served in a lovely setting, right?
Bush served them hot dogs. You know, weenies. Gut bombs. Tube steaks.
How subtle, no? Bush must have thought it was quite hilarious to serve his former rival the culinary equivalent of turds.
And Laura obviously has no sense of decorum to allow such an insult.
Once again, we are reminded that the Bushes are lowbrow, uncouth, rude, cultureless trailer trash.
McCain should have told him where to stick those weiners, then gone to the media and said, "I think Bush has been the worst president in history, and I don't want his ignorant endorsement."
Now THAT would have been a brilliant campaign strategy.
Caption Contest

I've got nothing much to say today, but I love this photo and wanted to share it.
Please write a caption for it in the comments section. Winner gets no prize, but do it anyway.

Thursday, March 06, 2008


Am I crazy not to have liked Steve Irwin when he was alive, and for not liking his kid Bindi now that she's taken over the job of handling disgusting reptiles?
I can't stand reptiles!
Halfway between San Antonio and Austin on IH-35, there's a dump called The Snake House.
I have never visited the joint because I just know it smells like snake shit, which is a substance I plan never to smell as long as I live.
In fact, I think my distaste for the Irwins stems from my obsession about avoiding smelly people, places and things.
He always looked like he'd smell like a heady mixture of B.O.,reptile shit and swamp water. The kid looks like she'd smell like pickles, mud and reptile shit.
Don't get me wrong, I rather like Australians and New Zealanders. I loved that shrimp on the barbie guy, Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, The Conchords and Pulp Friction commenter Jane C., despite the fact that she has has abruptly rejected my fumbling romantic advances for the last six or seven years.
I just don't want to go on a walkabout or Out Back with the Irwin kids, where we can catch snakes and crocodiles and fondle them.
Why, just the other day Irwin's toddler son was bitten on the finger by his first snake, and his crazy mother bragged about it.
I think perhaps the Department of Childhood Protection in Australia should look into getting those kids into a safer environment. After Steve Irwin was fatally zapped in the chest by an errant stingray's foot (whatever), seems to me the widow should have said, "Okay, that's it with the fucking nature adventures. The kids will switch to piano lessons and video games."
At least they'd stop smelling like reptile shit.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Hillary Takes 3 out of 4!

For those who counted her out- BWAHAHAHAHA!
Never underestimate the magic of resilience.
And guess what?
She's favored in big, fat Pennsylvania.
Remember the Alamo!
10:51 p.m. CST

Sorry for the warped irony of it all, but Obama is in San Antonio tonight making a speech as I write this, but we in Bexar (pronounced Bear) County have apparently gone for Hillary by a large margin.
Why he chose San Antonio instead of Houston or Dallas is beyond me. He's easily carrying both those cities, but here he is, making what sounds like a victory speech in a city that didn't support him.
Not that I'm saying this was an amateurish error on his part, but...oh wait, I am saying that.
All this jibberjabber about delegates, in my opinion, demonstrates more naivety on the part of the Obama Claymates.
As long as Super delegates exist, they are as wheelable and dealable as any political snakes in the pit. To assume that the Clintons are incapable of swaying them their way is adorably quaint, and worth a gentle pat on the heads of all the neophyte voters who just started paying attention to politics a few weeks ago.
Don't count the bitch out just yet.
That Ain't Impetigo

Okay, perhaps y'all aren't as obsessed with Amy Winehouse as I am, but surely by now you've heard about her skin problem that's caused bruising, redness and swelling. Many are saying that she is being treated with antibiotics for impetigo, but as a medical writer off and on for the last 15 years, I know that impetigo usually only hits kids with underdeveloped immune systems, and it may cause redness and tenderness but it doesn't usually cause the kind of chipmunk swelling Amy's kisser is showing.
I don't know what she has, but knowing what little I do about her, umm, hobbies, I think it's gotta be something more serious like a nasty staph infection, or worse.
I know for sure shooting street drugs can bring on a staph infection as quickly as you can say "rehab."
This chick has got to get her shit together before her head blows off her shoulders.
A little bitty antibiotic RX isn't gonna fix what she probably has.
Hear me now and believe me later.
Just a Preview

Okay, I may be tired of Democratic candidates smothering Texas with their bullshit extravaganza, but I realize as a red-blooded lesbian Texas liberal I still have an obligation to fuck with McCain and his phony family values.
Look at this photo.
There's the Totally White Family portrait, all blonde and sunny and orthodontized and Botoxed. And look who they left out. Bridget, the stumpy, chunky, cleft palleted, darky-dark adopted daughter.
Cindy McCain publicly admitted that she couldn't protect Bridget during McCain's '04 run because she was too busy with her Percoset addiction at the time.
Her solution now is to hide Bridget from public view.
I'm soooo sure it has nothing to do with Bridget's unfortunate adolescent appearance.
Fucking phonies.
We Americans dealt just fine with a homely young Chelsea Clinton.
Jimmy Carter's kids were downright hideous, but we were okay with them, too.
But they were the children of Democrats.
Republicans like to sell the fantasy of Leave it to Beaver- their kids are fine young Christian youth- well-scrubbed, white and...did I mention white?
For the McCains to intentionally leave Bridget out of this family portrait has nothing to do with "protecting her." Plain and simple, it shows us that a shame-based family decision indicates deep dysfunction with the parents.
It was cold and heartless.
And utterlty inexcusable.

Oh my God, I am so tired of the phone messages and the e-mail and the snail mail from Obama and Hillary, I could just scream.
Finally, today is Texas's Super Tuesday and after today, those wacky politicians will leave our fair state and forget about us for a while.
It's been ridiculous.
Obama hired Mexican mariachis to sing a song about him in Spanish for a TV ad.
Hillary trotted out some B-list celebrities like Ted Danson to appear with her.
Obama wore a ridiculous black cowboy hat.
Hillary ate Mexican food till her eyes turned orange-y brown.
Both of them lifted Gen X songs that purportedly represented them. Somehow, I don't think Tom Petty wrote "American Girl" for Hillary:
"Oh yeah, all right,
Take it easy baby,
Make it last all night..."

Of my siblings, two are for Obama and Big Sis and I are for Hillary.
I wish Mama were still alive. She'd have gone for Hillary.
We've all voted already. It was over for us last week.
There's been record-smashing turnout throughout Texas for these Democratic candidates.
Poor Huckabee showed up in a couple of podunk towns to play his shitty guitar and beg for votes. McCain's arrogant ass stayed in Arizona, where he barbecued babyback ribs in his back yard.
Looks like Texas has had enough of the Republicans and is ready to turn back into a Democratic state like it used to be. Yay!
But for now, I just want them all to pack their shit and leave.
I almost miss those 24/7 pick-up truck commercials.

Oh and one more thing. If the phone rings in the Whitehouse at 3 a.m. I want Hillary to answer it. We know she'll be awake--waiting for Bill to come home.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Ambassador Joe Wilson's HuffPo Post

I thought this was worth re-posting here.

Barack Obama argues that he deserves the Democratic nomination and Hillary Clinton doesn't because he possesses superior "judgment," as he calls it, on the key issues we face as a nation. As definitive proof he offers one speech he made in 2002 during a reelection campaign for an Illinois senate seat in the most liberal district in the state, so liberal that no other position would have been viable. When he made that speech, Obama was not privy to the briefings by, among others, Secretary of State Colin Powell, in support of the Authorization of Use of Military Force as a diplomatic tool to push the international community to impose intrusive inspections on Saddam Hussein.

Would Obama have acted differently had he been in Washington or had he had the benefit of the arguments and the intelligence that the administration was offering to the Congress debating that resolution? During the 2002-2003 timeframe, he was a minor local official uninvolved in the national debate on the war so we can only judge from his own statements prior to the 2008 campaign. Obama repeated these points in a whole host of interviews prior to announcing his candidacy. On July 27, 2004, he told the Chicago Tribune on Iraq: "There's not much of a difference between my position and George Bush's position at this stage." In his book, The Audacity of Hope, published in 2006, he wrote, "...on the merits I didn't consider the case against war to be cut-and- dried." And, in 2006, he clearly said, "I'm always careful to say that I was not in the Senate, so perhaps the reason I thought it was such a bad idea was that I didn't have the benefit of US intelligence. And for those who did, it might have led to a different set of choices."

I was involved in that debate in every step of the effort to prevent this senseless war and I profoundly resent Obama's distortion of George Bush's folly into Hillary Clinton's responsibility. I was in the middle of the debate in Washington. Obama wasn't there. I remember what was said and done. In fact, the administration lied in order to secure support for its war of choice, including cooking the intelligence and misleading Congress about the intent of the authorization. Senator Clinton's position, stated in her floor speech, was in favor of allowing the United Nations weapons inspectors to complete their mission and to build a broad international coalition. Bush rejected her path. It was his war of choice.

There is no credible reason to conclude that Obama would have acted any differently in voting for the authorization had he been in the Senate at that time. Indeed, he has said as much. The supposed intuitive judgment he exercised in his 2002 speech was nothing more than the pander of a local election campaign, just as his current assertions of superior judgment and scurrilous attacks on Hillary Clinton are a pander to those who now retroactively think the war was a mistake without bothering to acknowledge Senator Clinton's actual position at the time and instead fantasizing that she was nothing but a Bush clone. Obama willfully encourages and plays off this falsehood.

What should we make of Obama's other judgments in foreign affairs? Take Afghanistan, for example. It has been evident for some time that our efforts there are going badly and that cooperation and support from our NATO allies would be helpful. As chairman of the subcommittee on Senate Foreign Relations responsible for NATO and Europe, Obama could have used his lofty position actually to engage the issue and pressure the administration to take some action to improve our chance of success in that conflict against the Taliban and Al Qaeda. Of course, that would have involved holding hearings, questioning administration witnesses, and taking a position and offering alternatives. That is what we expect that from senators in a democracy. It is called oversight.

But, instead, Obama, by his own admission, offers the excuse that he has been too busy running for president to do anything substantive, such as direct his staff to organize a single hearing. "Well, first of all," Obama was forced to confess in the Democratic debate in Ohio on February 26, "I became chairman of this committee at the beginning of this campaign, at the beginning of 2007. So it is true that we haven't had oversight hearings on Afghanistan." To date, his subcommittee has held no policy hearings at all -- none. At the same time that Obama claimed he was too busy campaigning to do anything substantive, racking up one of the worst attendance records in the Senate, Senator Clinton chaired extensive hearings of the Subcommittee on Superfund and Environmental Health and attended many others as a member of the Armed Service Committee.

As a consequence of Obama's dereliction of duty on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, a feckless administration has had absolutely no oversight as it careens from disaster to disaster in Afghanistan, including the central governments loss of control over 70 percent of the country and yet another bumper crop of opium to fuel the efforts of the Taliban and their terrorist allies. Of course, if you don't hold hearings, conduct oversight, make recommendations or sponsor legislation, then you have no record to explain or defend and you are free to take whatever position is convenient when attacking those who actually did address issues. Meanwhile, on the campaign trail, Obama holds forth on Afghanistan, chiding the administration and our allies as though he's a profile in courage and not someone who has abandoned his post in establishing accountability.

On Iran and the question of designating the Iranian Revolutionary Guard as a terrorist organization, the junior senator from Illinois was not quite so clever at avoiding taking a position. He first co-sponsored the "Counter-Proliferation Act of 2007," which contained explicit language identifying the Iranian Revolutionary Guards as a terrorist organization. He subsequently claimed to oppose the Kyl-Lieberman sense of the Senate resolution proposing the same thing. Obama's accountability problem here is that he didn't show up for the vote on that resolution -- a vote that would have put him on record. Then he declined to sign on to a letter put forward by Senator Clinton making explicit that the resolution could not be used as authority to take military action. All we have is Obama's rhetoric juxtaposed with his co-sponsorship of a piece of legislation that proposed what he says he opposed.

Obama's gyrations on Iraq, Afghanistan and Iran are not the actions of one imbued with superior intuitive judgment, but rather the machinations of a political opportunist looking to avoid having his fingerprints on any issue that might be controversial, and require real judgment, while preserving his freedom to bludgeon his adversary for actually taking positions as elected office demands. It is hard to discern whether Senator Obama is a man of principle, but it is clear that he is not a man of substance. And that judgment, based on his hollow record, is inescapable.

Sunday, March 02, 2008


Dear Costco,

Thanks for the notice that my membership will expire in April.
Although I love my $300 bendable magnesium no-line trifocal eyeglasses, the 8 pounds of Jarlsberg, the half gallon of hummus, the 500 count 2-pack of antacids and the 1,000 Splenda packets I bought from you in the last year, the saving I got did not exceed the $50 membership fee.
Besides, I am busy discrediting George Bush by not purchasing anything but basic necessities until his time runs out.
Oh, I'll visit you again before the card expires in April, but it'll be like break-up sex.
I'll go through the motions, chucking into my cart a few kilos of coffee, a couple of cases of Smart-water and maybe a huge box or two of clumpable kitty litter, but there will be no navigation devices, PC's, mattresses or flat screen TVs in my cart.
But please don't be jealous.
I'm not leaving you for another warehouse shopping experience.
It's not you, it's me.