Saturday, August 30, 2008

Dig This Bullshit!

Note that the proud new daddy is not holding 'his' baby.


Hrumph. Now my Big Sis is on the research trail and has uncovered this story that simply defies all reason.
Sit down, get yourself a beverage and get ready to laugh your ever lovin' butt off.

It seems Sarah Palin was at a Governor's Forum on Energy in Austin, Texas on April 17 when "her water broke."
((Kindly suspend your suspicions about allowing a woman that advanced in pregnancy to fly for 12 hours from Alaska to Texas.))
After "her water broke" she remained at the conference so she could deliver her 30 minute speech.
((One can only assume she had a quick change of dry clothes with her at the conference.))
After her speech, fully in labor, she jumped on Alaska Airlines back to Anchorage in order to deliver her baby on Alaskan soil. Trouble is, that flight from Austin to Anchorage first stops in Phoenix, then there's a layover, then on to Anchorage, totaling more than 12 hours.
And all this was while she was in labor.
((And after 4 kids, labor takes about 12 minutes))
Let's imagine the conversation at the Austin Airport ticket counter for Alaskan Airlines, shall we?
Ticket Agent: May I help you?
Gov. Palin: Yes, I'm Sarah Palin, the Governor of Alaska and my water broke about 2 hours ago and I'm in labor. I need to get home to Anchorage quick.
TA: You're in labor right now?
GP: Yup, yup, yup, don't worry-- we pregnant Alaskans are tough."
TA: Oh, sure, no problem Governor, there just happens to be a plane to Anchorage idling out on the tarmac right now. Need a wheelchair?"
GP: Oh, nope, I'm good, thanks, I'll just trot to the plane now."
TA: Oh you bet, ma'am and have a great flight!"

So she finally gets to Anchorage, goes to the hospital and delivers the baby (one month premature)which weighed 6 pounds and 2 ounces. Big preemie, eh?!

What a crock.
The Pic Fran Sent



Look at this pic of the Palin family, taken in March '08 and see if you can guess who's pregnant.
Clue: the teen girl sure is thin, except for that prodigious BELLY.
All this is not that uncommon except for this-- Sarah Palin made a big deal out of saying she'd learned that "her baby" had Downs Syndrome before he was born, and that "she's made a conscious decision not to abort."
Right.
The Kid Is Not My Son?



Okay this is getting stranger by the day.
See this photo? It was taken on Super Tuesday, back in February of this year.
That makes Slim Sarah 7 months pregnant, since she "had her baby" in April.
I may not have ever been pregnant, but this doesn't look pregnant to me.
I may not be a meteorologist either, but I can tell when rain is in my eyes.

Okay, okay, so maybe Palin's 16-year-old daughter got knocked up and the gov wanted to spare the kid the shame and herself the embarrassment of being a family values broad with a knocked-up kid.

Whatever the reasons, if Palin has lied about this, and lied about getting her ex brother-in-law fired, can we trust her not to be a liar in general?

Of course not. She's a Republican.
Nice Vetting Job There, McBush




From Morse via Fran I Am

Friday, August 29, 2008

Huh?

Count Me In



I loved his speech last night and I think we have ourselves a great Democratic candidate.
Having resisted his considerable charms until after Hillary was clearly out, I can now say he's convinced me that he'll make a great president.
Not just a good president, a great one.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

What a Wonderful World it Would Be (not)



She Nailed It



I didn't used to like Michelle Obama.
I thought her outspokenness and innate scowl would ruin Barack Obama's election chances.
I was wrong.
She's dynamic, strong, poised, and doggone it, people like her.
I can link you up to her speech, but my pal Dusty already did that, and her blog "Dusty's Right to be Left of Center" is listed to the right-->
But what I got from Michelle's speech was not the spoken words, it was the vibe.
The girl loves her husband.
Not in that Cindy McCain Ilovemyhusband robotic way, I mean she loves her husband emotionally, spiritually and yes, sexually. Yep, seeing her eyes shine and her body get lithe when she brought up their courtship, I could tell they have sexual heat together.
And I believe a man who has a loving woman as his wife is a relaxed man. A man who's regularly making love to his attractive wife is a calmer man. A less angry man. A happy man.
When Barack's face came on the TV screen on the convention stage after Michelle gave her speech, Michelle and their kids went wild. They adore their daddy, and little kids can't fake that shit.
The Obama family is about as Leave it to Beaver as we can get. They are young, vibrant, loving and smart.
They would bring life back into the White House, and I somehow trust that each morning when Barack leaves the White House residence to walk over to the West Wing, he's got something to energize him and keep him on the right track.
I think it's time we get a smart, happy guy in the White House.
We don't need some crusty old pain-wracked bastard with a legendary bad temper and a trophy wife with a drug problem.
Haven't we had enough dysfunctional families in the White House?
I'm sick of being led by violent, angry old white men who use fear as a tool to get votes.
We're still the most powerful country on Earth, and although our might has been diminished by mishandling, we still have nothing to fear. We can still afford to behave less like terrorized victims and more like self assured, benevolent giants.
I want a diplomatic president who understands that war is a last option. I want a president who lives in the present and looks forward to the future, not some old, bitter guy who cannot go a day without mentioning being a prisoner of war more than 40 years ago.
Is that too much to ask?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Fuckin' Lies and the Liars Who Tell Them





Leave it to a zillionaire Republican broad to do a good thing, then wreck it by lying about it to make it seem better than it was.
I've mentioned before how the McCains seem to be stashing their adopted daughter Bridget in some undisclosed location, lest the NASCAR set of GOP voters scratch their low foreheads and wonder how an unattractive 'black' kid got into the McCain family.
We all know Cindy McCain was touring a Bangladesh orphanage 16years ago and spotted baby Bridget, all tore up with illnesses and a cleft palate, lying on the dirty floor.
She ended up taking Bridget and another baby (we don't know what she did with the other baby)back to America and telling John McCain, "Look what I got on a shopping trip to Bangladesh!"
I wonder if Cindy did it without first consulting McCain because she knew he'd pitch a raging red fit about giving his exalted name to a sickly dark-skinned kid from some Third World shithole?
It's a very kind thing Cindy did, adopting a special needs kid, then turning her life into a fairy tale of health, wealth and privilege.
But why oh why did Cindy have to lie and say that Mother Teresa was in on it? Why did she say that they spotted baby Bridget together while touring the orphanage?
Cindy McCain never even met Mother Teresa!
What the fuck is wrong with these people, having to fudge details that are so easily debunked?
Was Cindy McCain drugged up when she adopted the kid, so much so that she hallucinated Mother Teresa being by her side at the orphanage? Or was she so drugged up afterwards that she invented the Mother Teresa connection because she's so insecure she needed to name drop?
It may not be a lie of global importance, but it is a persistent lie that was posted on the McCain web site, then altered and reposted in response to those who spotted the lie and called her on it.
A lie may be as simple as stealing a cookie recipe and claiming credit for it. Or it may involve stealing prescription narcotics from a charity for personal consumption. Or it may involve pretending to know someone like Mother Teresa personally.
But a consistent pattern of small lies still amounts to a person who lies, gets caught in lying, and continues to lie.
By allowing his wife to be a serial liar, what does this tell us about McCain? Is it okay for people close to him to be liars because he's such a goddamn special guy?
Between all these slimy lies and a forgetful, doddering McCain trying to wedge in his POW story every time he's uncomfortable with questions he's being asked, I'm already sick of these two jerks.

He's not fit to serve and she's a conniving liar. Both are too filthy rich to relate to us normal mutts who have bills to pay and actual jobs to worry about.
I hope Joe Biden invests in some steel toed boots and continues to kick McCain's sniveling, wrinkled old neo-con ass at every opportunity.

I've had it.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Obama Chooses Biden



I know Condi's not the topic here, but what the hell- she's creepy and I just wanted to remind everyone of that before I opine on Obama's selection for VP.

Stretch your political pundit-slogged memories back to January '07 and recall if you will when Joe Biden, in his quest for the presidency, said he thought Obama was "the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy."
He said he meant to say "fresh," but guys like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson jumped all over the "niggas is dirty" implication.
Apparently Obama was not offended by Biden's unfortunate choice of words, and I think he was wise not to be thin skinned about it.
You see, it's Biden's tendency to blurt things out that makes him an ideal VP choice.
A presidential candidate needs a VP on the campaign trail who can do the dirty work. Biden hates Bush and all his crooked cronies, and he won't hesitate to mash McCain and Bush into one name.
"John McCainbush is a merely a continuation of the failed policies of Bushmccain."
I like that Biden is a seasoned legislator with mega foreign policy chops. I like that he's got a sunny disposition that belies his ability to kick the nuts off weaker guys like McCainbush.
Biden can goad McCainbush into one of his legendary fits of rage--hopefully in full view of the media.
Yeah, yeah Biden voted for the war, so?
The GOP maneuvered that vote so close to fall elections, ANY Democratic senator with further political aspirations was forced to appear ready to rumble to appease the imbecilic electorate.
Obama wasn't even in the U.S. Senate when the vote came up, and I'm not convinced that he would have risked condemnation at the time by voting against it.
Whatever the case, Obama needed to pick a savvy white male as a running mate. He's already a wild card- he didn't need to pick a chick or a Jew or another brother or anyone who was not a status quo whitey white male.

So Joe, get on with your bad self and start demonizing McCainbush. Don't hold back, dude, tell it like it is.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Hooray for Hallmark



Hallmark Cards has announced its new line of greeting cards that celebrate gay marriage and commitment ceremonies.
Well done, Hallmark!
Oh sure, you'll have to prepare for the banshee shrieks and boycott threats from the Christian lunatic hatemonger fringe, but don't sweat it--those cheap bastards don't buy premium brand greeting cards like Hallmark, they buy theirs from Walmart and dollar stores, probably imported from China.
I'm usually not brand loyal when it comes to buying greeting cards, but from now on I'll buy Hallmark cards.
They support me and my homo-homies? I'll support them.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Monday, August 18, 2008

Mazel Tov



I am so happy for these two sweet people who married over the weekend. They are truly beautiful together and their love shows through.
How any right-wing, Bible thumping hypocrites could view this marriage as wrong defies common sense, not to mention common civility.
First they condemned us because we were promiscuous.
Then they didn't want us to be legally married.

I have a little Bible thumping of my own to do today.

This little snippet comes from the Gospel according to Saint Matthew:
"Judge not, that ye not be judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."
True, in criticising the narrow minded hatemongers who presume to speak for God, I too am being judgmental. So?
It's not wrong to judge those who seek to eliminate anyone's right to love whom they choose and enter into a sacred, legally recognized bond with that person.

If you don't like gay marriage, don't marry a queer.
If you don't like abortion, don't get one.
If you hate other people just because they are different than you, don't expect to be loved by them.
And don't expect praise once you meet your maker.

If God is love and Ellen and Portia love one another, then they are manifesting God's love.
Deal with it.

Friday, August 15, 2008

That Fat Bastard



Ugh. I met my boss at a local coffee shop this morning so we could drive up to Austin for a meeting.
As I had coffee at the counter while I waited for him, the chatty waitress looked over my shoulder and said, "Ugh, it's Rev. Hagee. I can't stand him."
I turned around and there he was, sitting at the head of a long table in all his corpulent glory with his family of grinning Jesus zombies.
I so wanted to walk up to him and say something insulting, but I just knew my boss would walk in at that very moment and think I was a loose cannon.
So I held my tongue and settled instead for shooting him dirty looks several times.
Then as we got on the road, I told my boss, "Hey, you missed seeing John Hagee."
My boss said, "No, but I saw him pull up in his BMW 760." (Praise Jesus! MRSP $124,000)
I wish Hagee would leave San Antonio and move to Oklahoma or some other God-forsaken Hellhole where he'd fit right in.
It's very embarrassing to know he broadcasts his televangelical crapfest from my fair city.
And believe me, if you think the photo is bad, you should see him in his sporty casuals. Holy COW.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Damn.



Yesterday I cleaned out my bedside table drawers. I found a lot of old cards and love letters from years ago and browsed through them.
They made me feel wistful, which reminded me of this song.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Oh My



They say a picture's worth a thousand words, and in this case I think it's true.
Tell me, what kind of woman do you think would wear this shoe?
See if you can do it without using the phrase "crack whore."
I dare ya.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Good Shoes, Bad Shoes




Of course you know any new job requires the purchase of at least six new pairs of shoes.
That means hours of combing my favorite shoe stores online, which also means being exposed to a mess of truly ugly footwear, like the whore/pimp models you see above.
I wear nice suits to work but I cannot, will not and do not wear little girly shoes with kitten heels, shiny doodads or heels of any kind.
Hey, I'm 5'8". I got nuthin' to prove by wearing heels.
And I'm proud to say I exemplify the typical lesbo and her comfortable shoes. I cannot concentrate when my feet are trapped in narrow, pointy torture devices.
Behold these black leather and navy nubuck Born Eliza Mary Janes. Aren't they amazing?
From the boardroom to the break room, they say, "I'm a dyke, I have no life except for work. I can outwork you like a motherfucka."

Yeah!

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Friday, August 08, 2008

"Well, I Fucked Her, But I Didn't Love her"



Recent revelations that John Edwards carried on a sexual affair while his wife Elizabeth was battling cancer throws him onto the heap of politicians who should be horsewhipped, then tied up and gang-ignored for the rest of his slime ball life.
I somehow doubt this was his first affair.
I mean, if he'd cheat on a dying wife who left her chemo chair to campaign for him, I would imagine cheating on a strong, healthy partner would be a snap.
You expect characters like Bill Clinton to cheat.
I mean, he's basically poor trailer trash birthed from an alcoholic single mother from Arkansas; and I suspect Hillary isn't exactly a lady in the parlor and a whore in the bedroom.
But Edwards?
Wasn't he supposed to be the ultimate family man with the feminist consciousness of Gloria Steinem and the emotional sensitivity of Alanis Morrissette?
Yeah, well--bullshit.
I'm just glad Obama didn't choose him as his vice president.
And now with this news, Edwards will never be in any position to embarrass an Obama administration.

John Edwards: Just One More Rat Bastard Politician.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Annoying People



Speaking of annoying people, please note to the right: I've added a new blog link to my small pile of favorites, Kill This Character.
The site made me laugh so much I actually begged like a $2 crack whore to join their team, and they let me!
Please go see my very first post. Toby Keith. BooYa!
Leave comments! Let the owner think I'm a good addition.
;)

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

If I Ran Obama's Campaign




If I ran Obama's campaign it would be easy. I would never run an ad without a picture of McCain with Bush or Cheney, and I'd never let Obama mention McCain unless he said ..."and Bush" in the same sentence.
Easy, huh?
My New Office



Whoopie! This morning I got to go to the site of our new office, located in a modern 10-story building only about 3 miles from my house.
We met with our designer to pick out carpeting, wall colors and furniture.
I've never had an office where someone else's ass didn't already leave its imprint on the chair and where nobody has had their grubby fingers all over the PC keyboard.
This job is turning out to be like a brand new lover--exciting, mysterious, polite, passionate, generous, thoughtful and fun.
I think I even get to make up my own version of "business attire," which for me would involve a nice shirt, maybe a colorful jacket, jeans and Rocket Dogs or other comfy shoes.
Now, if I can just get them to install a nice napping couch in my office, I'll be all set.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Asking For What I Wanted



I love my new job.Love it!
I report to Tony the CEO and Lynne the president, and both are so wonderful I just want to put them in flour tortillas and gobble them up.
Our ritzy corporate offices are still being decorated, so we're all working from home and keeping in touch via e-mail, phone and conference calling.
For now it's a 7-day work week, but it's cut up into little chunks of an hour here, three hours there and a half hour there. It gives me plenty of time to think between rounds.
On Friday night, Tony and I chatted on the phone until after 11, but it was fun talk--brainstorming, story telling and a lot of laughter.
Can you imagine bosses who constantly ask for your opinions, then actually listen? Heaven.

At the risk of sounding like I'm channeling fellow blogger FranIAm, I have to tout the value of having faith.
For the last nine months I've been virtually unemployed except for a sales job I was offered that didn't appeal to me and a few writing assignments that fell into my lap.
As my savings started to dwindle, I didn't panic, I just upped my prayers and enlisted the prayers of family and friends to make this job appear for me.
My desire was to work for a civic-minded, for-profit business with great potential for earnings, both for the company and myself.
And that's exactly what prayers brought me.

Having faith and praying earnestly for this great opportunity worked for me, and I cannot recommend the power of faith and prayer for anyone who believes in a higher power.

And even if you don't believe, God doesn't care. Just fake it till you make it.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Back to the Corporate World...



My 9 month hiatus is over. I accepted a job yesterday at an amazing, progressive company with a great boss.
I'll start officially on September 1 but I'm already doing some background work and planning.
And the best part is, I'll be making considerably more than The Devil Wears Payless.
Ha!