Things I Hate

Maybe 'hate' is too strong a word, but I hate it when people say I shouldn't allow myself to hate anything or anyone. Anyway...

-I hate those grocery store bakery cakes with the air brushed blue flowers and that bad icing penmanship on top.
-I hate grape soda.
-I hate finding my long-lost favorite summer T-shirt in January, hidden under a pile of sweaters.
-I hate Hackberry trees.
-I hate any statement that begins with the words, "The Bible says..."
-I hate people who try to talk double-talk or lie and aren't very good at it.
-I hate it when people print something and mix upper case with lower case letters all willy-nilly (LiKe tHis, oNLy iT's HaNd pRiNTed).
-I hate it when white guys call black guys, "my man."
-I hate it when I meet gay men or lesbians who hate the opposite sex.
-I hate that 'izzle' slang: "My bizzle was mizzle wit da snizzle." What the fuck is that, anyway?
-I hate mothballs.
-I hate Kraft Miracle Whip.
-I hate Fox News.
-I hate channel surfing, remote control addicts who like to spend a half hour flipping channels. Pick something, damn it.
-I hate science fiction.
-I hate alliterations when a "K" replaces a "C," as in Kathy's Kookies, Kozy Kitchen, Krazy Kolors, Kitty Kapers, ad nauseam.
-I hate it when someone wants a freebie job and tells me, "it'll be good in your portfolio." At my age, my portfolios are pretty well stocked by now, assbite.
-I hate it when religious people use sanitized cursing, like, "gosh darn" or "H-E-double hockey sticks."
-I hate corny phrases like, "oh, my goodness," "golly gee," "aw shucks," "Heavens to Betsy," etc.
-I hate Anne Heche. Even when she was pretending to be gay I hated her.
-I hate the L.A. Lakers. Even more now that Kobe's an admitted rat and Karl Malone the elbowing flopper and that malcontent crybaby Gary Payton have joined the team. All they need is Danny Bonaduce on the team to get into the all-star obnoxious prick finals.
-I hate it when people stick their index finger in their cheek where a dimple would go, then twist their finger to indicate false modesty.
-Speaking of that move, I hate Lea Thompson, especially when she bites her bottom lip to look coy, or even worse, sexy.
-I hate that song, "Funny Face" by Donna Fargo.
-I hate when my shoes or socks get damp or even worse, wet.
-I hate the way whey protein tastes. It reminds me of powdered meat.
-I hate that doing 80 ab crunches can be canceled out by eating one peanut butter cracker.
-I hate it when people (besides my closest friends or girlfriend) pop in without calling.
-I hate cell phones.
-I hate the way thrift stores that sell used clothing smell.
-I hate the thought of wearing or even trying on some total stranger's used clothing.
-I hate any cologne that can be purchased at a drug store or supermarket.
-I hate candles, soap, or any product that has either a rose scent or a peach scent.
-I hate those tacky plug-in air fresheners.
-I hate those giant tins of stale popcorn they sell at places like Walmart, with the poinsettias or reindeer or Santas painted on them.
-I hate whirly gigs, those flimsy, twirly things people stick in their lawns.
-I hate 95% of all bumper strikers.
-I hate that decorative wallpaper trim people use where the wall meets the ceiling.
-I hate those redecorating-on-a-budget TV shows where they make really cheesy projects, like bookcases out of 1x12's and architectural glass bricks, or they cover things using a glue gun, cotton batting and shiny quilted fabric. Or mix the colors pink and brown.
-I hate Earl Grey tea.
-I hate when someone's dog smells my kitties on me and thinks it's okay to climb all over me, sniffing and trying to lick the scent off.
-I hate it when friends kiss me on the lips and they have damp lips. Lip kisses should be rare, fast, dry and chaste unless it's one's lover.
-I hate it when people in the gym don't remove their 150 pounds of weights off the barbells when they are finished...or when I accidentally come in contact with some rude bastard's sweat on a piece of equipment.
-I hate it when I get into a swelteringly hot car on a humid day, then start having a hot flash, just after getting a haircut.
-I hate it when I buy my cats a $10 toy and they ignore it in favor of a stray bit of cellophane the toy was wrapped in.
-I hate the thought of jerky made from anything but beef.
-I hate to see fly swatters or toilet plungers in plain view. They need to be hidden when not in use!

What do you hate?