For God's Sake, Make it Stop!
I am so sick of trying to be civil to people voting for that fucking idiot Bush I could projectile vomit. Maybe I should stay in isolation until after the election, I dunno.
In my travels today, I ran into two friends, ordinarily nice people, who told me they voted for Bush.
I politely rolled my eyes, but what I want to start doing is carrying with me a wet, mildewed dish cloth, rolled into a medium tight rattail, so I can snap people like that right in the middle of the face with it.
I want to remove the few Bush Cheney yard signs I've seen and carry them up to their front doors and beat people in the head with the cardboard part, then stab them in the chest with the pointy wooden part.
I want to spray paint and key cars with Bush bumper stickers, and flatten the huge tires on Bush lovers' pickups. I want to take a loaded paintball gun into Walmart and open fire on the slobs in the Bush gimme caps and T-shirts.
I want to hire transvestites to invade Bush Cheney campaign headquarters and make scenes with the male volunteers, saying they promised to marry them.
I want to kidnap Ann Coulter, duct tape her to a lawnchair, toothpick her eyelids open and force her to watch nonstop Toby Keith videos while she eats nothing but corndogs, funnel cake and week-old freedom fries.
Thank God for November 2, when Bush gets thrown out and I can return to That Loving Place.
Meanwhile, I have two words for Bush supporters, and I'll say them in Bushenglish so they can understand:
Go Fuck Yourselfs.