In case you missed Wanda Sykes' hilarious take on Tiger Woods "car accident," I'll tell you my theory since it matches hers to the letter.
1. The National Enquirer ran a story about Tigie steppin' out on the little woman with some bimbo.
2. The missus confronted Tigie and he did what all men do: denied, denied, denied.
3. Unhappy with his equivocating, the missus went Viking on him and started punching him in the chops, giving him a fat lip and drawing some blood.
4. Tigie knew he didn't want to go O.J. on her, so he beat feet out to his Escalade and attempted to get the hell outta there, even though it was after 2 a.m.
5. As he was backing out, the missus ran out and said, "Where the fuck do you think you're going?"
6. Not quick enough on the draw, Tigie paused long enough for the missus to take a 9-iron to the Escalade's back window.
7. Panicking, Tigie hit the gas and ended up hitting a tree and fire hydrant, just at the end of his driveway.
8. As he lay dazed and confused, the wifey ran out to beat him a little more, but at the last minute she thought, "uh oh, big scandal=less sponsorship money," so she wised up and hatched a crappy cover story with her poor, beaten hubby.
No way did she use a 9-iron to free him from the wreckage. Who'd free a trapped Escalade driver by beating out the back window that's a good 8 feet from the driver's seat? Come on, you two.
Tiger probably got caught stepping out, the wife beat on him and he tried to outrun her and freaked out in a panic.
Dodging the police for three days isn't helping any.
He might play great golf, but as a liar he sucks.
