The Kickapoo Lucky Eagle Casino
I came, I saw, I was almost conquered.
I spent the day with some friends down In Eagle Pass, a dreary Texas border town whose only claim to fame is one of Texas's two Indian casinos, in this case being the Kickapoo Lucky Eagle.
The good news is, in four and a half hours I only lost about $38.
The place is clean and spacious, but the machines are mostly those goofy, off-brand cartoon kinds where you have to have at least an associate's degree in gaming design to even begin to understand what you need to do to win a buck or two.
The staff was sure as hell not helpful in explaining the games- I doubt they knew more than I did about them, which was next to nothing. Plus, they hardly spoke any English.
After pissing away a 20 trying to find a quarter or dollar machine that felt right, I settled into a bank of penny machines, where for 24 cents a pull you can win up to $1.50 or more on a winning line. I spent maybe 20 bucks on those machines and made about 16 bucks beyond my initial investment.
I never thought I'd play penny slots at any casino, but the rest of the machines were all so space age and confusing, the pennies were the only machines I didn't think would wipe me out in the first hour.
In the last hour, I played a quarter machine that paid $21 on a $20 investment, so that was about as exciting as it got.
There were no free drinks.
I think they worry too much about the Kickapoos drinking free cocktails and going off their collective nuts. That shit you hear about drunk Indians is true- the politicaly correct just need to deal with it.
A well drink cost $4.75 and a lukewarm bottle of Diet Coke was 2 bucks. And besides the unappetizing $7 buffet, all they had were small bags of pork rinds- which are pretty delicious when one's stomach is snarling.
We were pretty exhausted on the two hour drive home, made extra tedious by the soundtrack CD playing on the stereo from the movie, "Brother, Where Art Thou" with it's abysmally depressing 1930's era country music. My head would have exploded, but I was too tired to spend the energy getting worked up over it. Mostly I just went into a daze until it was over.
I had fun, but I have Vegas withdrawal symptoms big time now.
But for less than $40, the Lucky Eagle was a great little diversionary day trip.
I'd go again, just not anytime soon.
Happy Labor Day, kemosabes.