Monday, December 24, 2007

My New Column for 2008

What to Tell Your Teens About Jamie Lynn's Pregnancy

Dear Parents of Teenagers,

Many of you have allegedly written to me to ask, "What should I tell my teen about Jamie Lynn Spears's pregnancy?"

That's very simple.
Jamie Lynn is a millionaire who has her own popular television show on Nickelodeon TV. She makes more than your teen's mommy and daddy--and their bosses--combined.
When Jamie has her baby, she can hire a nanny to take care of the baby. She can even afford 'round the clock registered nurses to babysit.
She can still go out and party, afford the finest clothes and accessories, live in a swanky house with a nursery and have a maid keep the place clean.
She can hire a wet nurse to feed the baby so she can still drink and do cocaine to her heart's content.
Basically, Jamie Lynn can use her baby in photo ops and only play with her when the media is watching, like Paris does with her Chihuahua.
So, tell your teen when she makes the kind of money Jamie Lynn makes, go ahead and get knocked up at age 16. And don't forget to remind your teen to create the baby's trust fund!


Lulu Maude said...

Dear Aunt Karen,

What wise counsel! I am looking forward to seeking your advice on many topics.


Aunt Karen said...

I thought it had a nice ring to it. My nephews just call me Karen though, unless they want something.

dguzman said...

Fucking brilliant. Thank you, Aunt Karen, for putting it all in perspective.