Monday, December 20, 2010

Oh, No You Dihn't.
Oh, Yes I Did.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting a little worried about the right-wing and teabaggers amassing weapons and ammo for what, an eventual revolution?
Having expressed my concerns to my trusty pal Rowdy, she decided it was time she took me to the shooting range and taught me how to shoot an array of handguns.
She's a born Texan, an open minded GOP, a ranchwoman, fisherwoman, hunter and basically my polar opposite, although we share the same birthday.
If I were ever in a dark alley or foxhole or facing down a pack of growling wolves, she's whom I'd choose to get my back, because she's as tough as nails, in a very cute little package, and she would shoot anything or anyone who threatened us.

At her house, she carefully laid out part of her gun arsenal and selected for us:

1. A Smith& Wesson .22 revolver (USA)
2. A CZ 9mm (Czech Republic)
3. A Glock 19 9mm (Austria)
4. A gun she named Ms. November, a Springfield Armory Mil-Spec 1911-A1.45 caliber made in America.

Before we drove to the shooting range, she warned me that they were probably all going to be conservative rednecks who vote Republican, so I was not allowed to pop off at them or mention the assorted redneck bumper stickers that covered the pay booth, like, "Vegetarian Is An Old Native American Word For 'BAD HUNTER'." Oh, hardy har har. There were also plenty of anti-Obama stickers.

As you can see from the target, we killed the hell out of some imaginary bad guy.
I hit the X in the center first, and she was a little wowed by it. I sure as hell was. I actually strutted around a little afterwards.
Mostly I hit the torso and neck area, but Rowdy took care of the head and groin area pretty much by herself.

She has renamed me Caren Zipdrive because I liked shooting the CZ 9mm best. The .22 was the easiest for me to shoot, but when I compared the holes made by the larger caliber pistols, I found the CZ a lot more powerful and dangerous...therefore exciting in a barbarian sense.
I'm not saying I intend to go buy a gun or become a gun-nut, but with the way things are going in America with the crazy right-wing, I at least wanted to see if I could aim one.
We stood 21 feet from the target and fired about 200 rounds of ammo.
Just as we were finishing, who pulls up but my gun-nut neighbors Andy and Leeza from across the street!
They almost crapped to see me standing there amidst an arsenal of weapons and a pile of spent bullet butts (casings?)with earphones on and a big dumb grin on my face.
They showed us their kinda pissy little guns as we repacked Rowdy's cannons.
By the time I got home, Andy's next door neighbor George, who's a young Marine home on holiday leave, said to me, "Hey, I hear you're a real sharpshooter."
I want the people in my 'hood to think I'm an armed bad-ass.
Besides--look at the target. I AM a bad-ass.


Fran said...

An armed minx.

What next???

nonnie9999 said...

i always knew you were a bad-ass. you don't need a gun for that.

Karen Zipdrive said...

I don't think going to the gun range will become a passion, but I did find out that guns require a lot of safety rituals, they are louder than hell, and I learned I can hit a target from 21 feet away.

Iain said...

Have I ever told you that you're the cleverest, wittiest, most beautiful blogger I know, KZ?

Karen Zipdrive said...

Iain, thank you, that's so sweet of you to say. I wish I could meet you in person one day. You have such a nice vibe.

Iain said...

Very welcome, KZ, all true. AND you're evidently a mean shot, so if I ever get the pleasure of visiting Texas (SXSW in Austin is an ambition), at least I won't get too spooked by the sight of all those rednecks packing!

Karen Zipdrive said...

Amy Winehouse once appeared an SXSW and pronounced Austin "a wicked town" that she loved.

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

Yes you are one badass bitch CZ ;)

bigsis said...

Yes, it seems that Zip was a very quick study at the shooting range. But wait, I think I recall the young Zip owning a 357 Magnum and shooting the hell out of water filled barrels with turbaned targets on them and at one time using the butt of the gun to knock on her neighbors doors to inquire if they may know who had burglarized her house.

Distributorcap said...

i think you should get your own cop show

KarenZipdrive said...

If I had my own cop show you'd see a lot more teabaggers arrested and a lot fewer pot busts.

Lulu Maude said...

If you get tired of writing, you can hire yourself out as a body guard. I am sure that you could find a body you'd love to guard.