The fog is lifting.

I have had one hell of a November. Nothing has gone wrong, yet I have skulked around all month waiting for some impending disaster to envelop me.
As the month draws to a close, the ghost of my former lover is finally evaporating.
In retrospect I imbued her with so many virtuous qualities that I began to miss them, even though they were rarely glimpsed.
Now with some space and time (and some fervent prayers that she leave my consciousness) I can see her in a clearer light.
She never compromised, she was insanely capricious and she would have driven me stark staring berserk had we ever cohabited.
I have a friend here in town who is in the same boat.
We have discussed loving women who are not emotionally available, and have helped illustrate to each other through our own foibles the absurdity of it.
Basically, if it doesn't feel reciprocal and loving, it's probably not.
If she seems to be doing all the taking and not much giving, she probably is.
If she doesn't make you feel like a priority, you probably aren't.
If she says she has unfinished business with her ex, believe her.
If she says she doesn't deserve you, she probably doesn't.
I adored my ex, but she said she wasn't good enough for me and it didn't matter whether I thought she was, what mattered was she was coming from a place where she believed she wasn't. Her actions reinforced that.
She may have been good enough for me, but her self doubt and self hatred made her not good for me. Ha! A fine distinction.
Anyway...it's over and it's not starting up again. So now all I have to do is figure out what to do with all the energy I have now that I am no longer perseverating about her.