Mazel Tov: A Wedding Story

You know the wedding is going to be good when a week before you are invited to a liquor shower. Yep, a bunch of us journalists types got together and festooned the happy couple with bottles of premium booze to use at their wedding reception. They raked in quite the stash, too.
The wedding itself will be performed at the Guadalupe Cultural Arts Center, a place with a lively reputation for sponsoring the annual gay and lesbian film festival, art shows, controversial speakers, hot concerts and a very cool Conjunto Festival poster contest each year.
The "minister" was ordained on the internet. Close enough, I say.
After the wedding, we'll push back the chairs and let the mariachis in. Bottles will be cracked open and the mayhem will begin.
At the liquor shower, Jennifer the bride-to-be cornered me (after she was finished jumping fully clad into the swimming pool) and said, "I want you to wise up my aunts at the wedding."
"Wise them up? How?" I replied.
"Well, they are both lesbians."
"What do you want me to do, hit on them?"
"No. They are both really butch."
"Eeeuuwww," I said. "So what do you want me to do?"
"Well, they are closeted, at least they think they are."
"So you want me to out them?"
"No, I want you to show them it's comfortable to be out."
"How?"
"I don't know, but you seem comfortable to be out."
"I am."
"Okay, then show them how to be like that."
"Oh...umm, okay I'll see what I can do."
"Oh, and one more thing," she said.
"What's that?"
"I want you to talk to my mother."
"About what?"
"Tell her to get off my back."
"Jennifer, just how drunk are you tonight?"
"Very."
I've known Adrian, the husband-to-be, since he was 18. I was his college newspaper editor and forced his first story on him.
"Adrian, quick, there are camels across the street, go cover it!"
"Huh? Camels? Why are there camels?"
"How the fuck should I know? You tell me!"
"But..."
"But, nothing! Go, go, go! Take a photographer with you!"
His story made the front page, above the fold. I worked him like a plow horse all semester after that. He became an outstanding journalist.
It should be a great wedding.
Wait till I get my hands on the mother and the aunts.