Ho Ho Ho!

It never fails.
The weekend after Thanksgiving, Margie, my neighbor across the street covers her house with lights and bows and Santa statues and all the crap she can pile on. Even her rooftop is lined with lights.
In a few days after her lights are settled in, Andy the guy next door to her will try to top her. He wraps his house in an enormous bow and backlights it, then he brings in a cherry picker and does the treetops. Then he does his whole wrought iron fence and sidewalk in chaser lights.
Margie sees it and gets pissed and brings in fence lights, more bows, chaser lights and lines her driveway in more lights. And she puts out big pots of pointsettias.

What I do for Christmas is far more classy.

I make tampon angels.
Here's how:

Take a Playtex tampon and soak it in water, then tie a string around the neck to make a head, and flare out the bottom to make a skirt. Let that dry, then paint the face flesh color and add little beads for eyes, and paint on a nose and lips. Use a darker pink to make blush.
Add dryer lint for hair, drizzle some glitter on the dress and glue on little golden paper wings.
Add a paperclip hook and use as a tree ornament. If you get a 24 pack of Playtex tampons, you can make two dozen beautiful keepsakes to give as gifts or to keep as heirloom treasures.
Happy Holidays!