Friday, January 21, 2005

Humor Diversion:
Why This Blog Has Sucked Lately

I promised myself last year if God fell asleep and allowed Bush to finagle another term in office, I'd resurrect my standup comedy career and do my part to publicly reveal what an asshole he is.
Well, God woke up, saw the price he paid for falling asleep on November 7, and started rapidly dropping opportunities into my lap to help me make good on my promise.
First, I met a woman who can turn cat turds into gold nuggets. She decided it was her mission this year to show me how to make a lot more money, and so far whatever voodoo she do has been working.
I have plenty of work to do in writing, making art, and next comes comedy.
I suppose I should publicly thank my (extremely cute) new money coach, but perhaps not give out her real name, so let's just call her Monkey Pants.
I have hired her to be my agent, and to produce my upcoming, one-woman show.
Then, a few weeks ago I was at this great big party and started doing party shtick within earshot of this guy named Oscar. Turns out he owns a performance space, and he offered me a gig right then and there. He said I could do whatever I wanted.
Then I met a set designer who said she was in.
Then my pal Elaine (real name) said she'd do all the graphics for the show's posters, playbills and Internet invitations. She's so good, when I was working as a designer myself I hired her to do my cards. She designed the Pulp Friction logo you see above. She's currently doing international design work for Mazola, Coca Cola and others.
Anyway, this Blog has been dull lately because I have had to spend this month focusing on rebuilding the ways in which I earn money.
In December, I lost my two major clients, leaving me with some chickenshit little writing assignments here and there that would barely cover my American Express bill.
In just three weeks, I have diversified the work I do, hunkered down and managed to cover what I lost last month- and then some.
Now that I am solvent again, I will be spending the next few weeks inventing my very own comedy show.
Yes, it does sort of terrify me, but compared to me showing up at some fucked-up, Bush-backing Texas company and sitting at someone else's desk all day for forty hours a week, it's a relaxing concept.

Now comes your part.
Not to fish for compliments, but if you can recall anything from my archives that made you spit coffee on your monitor, please refresh my memory.
All that pot smoking in the 70's- who knew it would blow my memory 30 years later?
Oh well, at least TV reruns don't bother me.

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