Thursday, July 21, 2005

Suggestions For the White House to Get the Media's Focus Off Rovegate

1. Have Saudi buddies bomb the London metro
2. Have Saudi buddies bomb some other, smaller targets in London a week later
3. Nominate a white, conservative Catholic guy to fill a woman's shoes on the SCOTUS
4. Pay some bride-to-be to run away to Vegas on a bus, then blame it on a Mexican dude
5. Find another comatose Christian vegetable to save
6. Pay off Michael Jackson's debts in exchange for him speaking at the next NAMBLA Convention, telling pedophiles how he got by with it
7. Give Tom Cruise more reasons to attack the American Psychiatric Association
8. Send Courtney Love a kilo of crack, then get her a gig on Surreal Life
9. Find O.J. Simpson a new blonde chick to marry, and send him some crank as a wedding gift
10. Have some African dudes push Condoleezza Rice's homeboys around
11. Extend Happy Hour at the Bush twins' favorite DC watering hole
12. Show video of Laura Bush's puppy Mrs. Beasley getting spayed
13. Get George H.W. or Barbara Bush senior to fake a huge heart attack
14. Have Dick Cheney fake a heart attack
15. Have the mother who's searching for her daughter in Aruba turn up missing

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