Saturday, July 30, 2005

Summertime and the Livin' is Greasy
or
Blog Salad, with Crab

I have had it with summer and have started to wear long sleeves again, even though the weather is still hot in Sauna Antonio. I push the sleeves up, no big deal.

My kitten Nick is now a huge semi cat, with kittynuts big enough for the vet to get a grip on and empty out. He's not spraying yet, but he keeps busting moves on my grown cat James, who at 16 pounds is twice Nick's weight. I am certain Nick's aggression is hormonal...but not for long.

CNN is on and they are talking about kids with attention deficit disorder, aka ADD. Yeah? Well, how is it they can stare at an X-Box screen for nine hours at a time, pausing only for food and juice boxes? I'm just happy Dr. Tom Cruise is on the job, educating the medical community on ADD pharmacology. Sheesh, he's turned into the classic, belligerent little know-it-all now that he's past 40.

I had a bad hair coloring mishap earlier this week. The front was reddish brown and the back was brown, making my head look like a bit like customized Mini Cooper. I had to correct it yesterday, now it's medium brown with reddish highlights.

Gas prices continue to be annoyingly high, but from what I gather Texas isn't getting shafted as hard as the Blue States. At $2.24 a gallon, prices are still higher than they've ever been in history, and I don't give a damn about the fuzzy calculations of the Bush zombies who claim gas was higher back in the Carter era, when they factor in wind velocity, the GNP, fossilized dinosaur droppings and the average vehicle's trunk space. Stupid shits.

I see Bill Frist has started to distance himself from the sinking BushRove ship by endorsing stem cell research. Oh good, I can't wait to see how the Bushies start to discredit him as a raving lunatic with gay tendencies and a hatred for Jesus. Those ghouls eat their own- only not fast enough, if you ask me.

Has anyone noticed how often Karl Rove's first impression of Dubya has been described by the media lately?
Seems Rove was dispatched by Bush 41 to meet 43's train and give him a set of keys. Rove describes his first sight of Dubya: "He was all swagger, and totally cool with his cowboy boots, tight Levi's and leather bomber jacket. He ooozed charisma."
Since I do happen to be queer with plenty of gay street cred, I can say with all certainty that Rove described quite obviously an immediate crush on Bush- and I mean an, "I wanted to suck his dick" type-crush, not like the platonic crushes most lesbians have on Ann Richards.
Imagine where we'd be today if Rove had the courage back then to just say, "Hey man, I'll give you an 8-ball of coke if you'll let me blow you."
We could have avoided all their internalized homophobia and compensatory global aggression if Rove would have just copped to being a submissive bottom back then.

Has anyone seen the new Comedy Central show, "The Mind of Carlos Mencia"? He showed a photo of Dick Cheney sitting on a porch with his legs apart. Seems Dick has a basket that extended about halfway to his left knee. I thought well-endowed guys didn't need to be so war-oriented. Maybe the heart meds have rendered him impotent. His wife did write that lesbian soft porn book, after all, so maybe Dick is compensating for having a big, inoperable tool.

Speaking of inoperable tools, I see GOP gay hooker Jeff Gannon has all but disappeared from the political horizon. I'll bet his fees have gone up now that his closeted GOP clientele risk more by being seen with him. What a delicious risk that must be. So naughty, so wrong, but so exciting!

The results of Bush's annual physical exam will be made available to CNN and other media soon. I'll bet he'll feel better once they remove that malignant, 260-pound Rovarian cyst.

6 comments:

Mike said...

check out the book EVERYTHING BAD IS GOOD FOR YOU that makes a compelling argument about the benefits of video games

Karen Zipdrive said...

Hey, I like video games, myself. I'd probably like them even more with a snootful of Ritalin.
Man, Mikey, I see you got a Summer puppycut! Cute!

Lulu Maude said...

I read that story about Rove a couple of years ago and concluded that he had the hots for Dubya, too. However, I have never phrased it as well as you! Let's out Karl and watch him disappear.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Only outed Democrats disappear.
Outed GOPs get to lead the party and act as White House press secretaries.

dusty said...

Jesus Christ in a thong i love reading your stuff..bravo Ms.Zipdrive..as for bushie..that fucktard did put BOLTON in the UN seat..i should of put money on it when in vegas a couple weeks ago..

Karen Zipdrive said...

Bush thought it would be fine to do an end run and stick that grouchy, unpopular bastard in the UN against the wishes of the people and the legislature.
More dry drunk behavior from the pathetic, self-absorbed pinhead.
I hope members of the UN take off their translation headgear when that walrus speaks, then go out to the lobby for snacks until he's done.
How do you say "fuck off" in Swahili or Urdu?
We'll find out soon enough.