How Creepy is This?

Since when does a presidential campaign consist of prescreened attendees who have already decided to back the candidate?
For the undecidededs who might want to hear Bush speak in person, you're outta luck.
For those of us who back Kerry, it's good to see how Bush's handlers have decided to show the Bush dictatorship exactly as it is- a closed, censored, government-approved display of rah rah bullshit and arrogance.
Read this from CBS News.


(CBS) There was a full-throated roar of support for President Bush at a New Mexico rally -- adoring crowds and a beaming candidate -- the stuff great political theater is made of -- and it's no accident, reports CBS New White House Correspondent Bill Plante.
Said a rally organizer, "I wanna hear lots of cheering in there for the president!"
The event tickets went to busloads of prescreened party faithful -- who poured in hours in advance -- to be greeted and organized by Bush campaign staffers.
"We don't want anybody with a dry throat. We want you yelling for the president!" they were told.
The art of TV-friendly political stagecraft reaches new levels in this campaign. At "Ask President Bush" events, even the president makes no bones about the fact that he's speaking to invited guests.
"Okay, I've asked some citizens to come and help me make my points," he said.
As relaxed and affable as a talk show host, the president answers friendly questions -- which are often not questions at all.
"Mr. President, I don't have a question. I've got three thank-yous," said one supporter.
He also helps his handpicked guests to make a point.
"I don't know, Linda, if you're in a position to say this. But most people who go back to school with the new jobs end up making more money."
Linda: "Absolutely."
Mr. Bush: "Yeah, she was. That's good."
This tight control means that hecklers like those who greeted Kerry and Edwards in Missouri are almost never seen at Bush events.
And that doesn't seem to bother the president's supporters.
"I think it was more of a rally to get the supporters rallied up, so I think it served its purpose," said a guest.
But what about inviting some voters who haven't yet made up their minds?
"You mean the people who don't support Bush? They're only gonna sit and chat and you won't get to hear anything," said a backer.
It's all about getting out the message without any distractions, and making sure that there's no public argument to spoil the party.

Daily Pricks

I have diabetes.
Each morning when I awaken, I have to draw blood.
It's just a pin prick to my thumb (my index finger got calloused from nearly two years of bloodletting, so now it's the thumb's job) but it is an annoying daily ritual.
I have to take meds twice a day so my glucose levels don't get too high.
If they get too high, eventually they can cause blindness, limb amputation, strokes and/or heart attacks. None of those options bode for a pleasant old age, and I have started to accept that I will probably die earlier than I expected because of diabetes.
Right now, my average morning glucose level is around 104, well below the magic number 124, which is the number right before the dangerous diabetic level where degenerative problems start to occur.
In addition to having to face that morning prick, I am reminded almost daily that stem cell research that could one day lead to a cure for diabetes, and is being delayed for a few more months by a prick in the White House who'd rather curry favor with his radical fundamentalist Christian campaign contributors, who think stem cell research is tantamount to killing live babies.

I don't like any of Bush's policies, but this one feels just as personal to me as his vendetta against gays and lesbians.
We know by now that stem cell research might be science's strongest weapon against diabetes, but that's just one major disease that could be cured.
Imagine the progress that could have been made if Bush had approved substantial government grants to fund stem cell research four years ago.
Instead, he recently sent out his insipid wife Laura to bolster his nonsensical objections to stem cell research.
She said, "I know that embryonic stem cell research is very preliminary right now and the implication that cures for Alzheimer's are around the corner is just not right and it's really not fair to people who are watching a loved one suffer with this disease."
Nobody said cures are "around the corner."
But harpooning the research for four years sure as hell hasn't helped scientists round that corner.
All this talk about things turning corners, being around the corner, passing that corner, etc., with the Bush camp is just more of their partisan sloganeering. Empty phrases, designed to mollify the empty minded.
The only corner we need to get around is the last corner on this horrible Bush administration.
He and his cash-inspired, religious superstition designed to frighten people away from the advancement of science are effecting the future health and welfare of myself and millions of others in the world.
If we get rid of that prick in the White House, one day I may be able to get rid of that other prick I'm forced to endure on a daily basis.

Can I get an amen out there?

Molly Ivins and the Canadians: Oh, dear!


Canadians watch in shock as America seriously considers re-electing Bush

KANANASKIS, Alberta -- Make that a big Canadian, "Oh dear." These nice Canadians, whom George W. Bush once managed to triumphantly identify as "our most important neighbors to the north" are famous for their reticence. Canada, Land of the Understatement. I once proposed their national motto should be: "Now, Let's Not Get Excited." Not that I would ever generalize. I attribute their commendable phlegm to being too cold to waste much energy, and also to regular ingestion of oatmeal.
Nice, polite, calm, reserved, chock full of common sense and living next to us -- what a fate. For them, it's like having the Simpsons for next-door neighbors. A few years ago, during the height of our national meltdown over Monica Lewinsky, a host on the Canadian Broadcasting Co.'s evening news program began an interview by gingerly asking me, "So, having another of your little psychodramas down there, eh?"
This year, the American psychodrama, eh, is the election, and Canadians are taking unusual care, even by their standards, to try to phrase their questions delicately. "You couldn't possibly..." they begin, only to break off. "Are you not aware of what..." "Surely you realize how..." But they can think of no polite way of asking if we are such freaking idiots we haven't noticed the damage that has been done by the Bush administration to the American reputation all over the world.
One tries to explain that, "Who cares what the rest of the world thinks?" is a common American reaction, leaving the poor Canadians to quietly mutter, "Oh dear."
Just FYI, of the many allies the Bush White House managed to gratuitously insult on the run-up to the invasion of Iraq, we miffed the Canadians by blowing off their last-minute attempt to work out a deal for continued inspections under a strict timeframe -- we not only blew it off, we went to the trouble of being rude and arrogant about it. Among its other unpleasant traits, bad manners rank quite high on this administration's list of failings. In addition, some right-wingers weighed in with juvenile taunts along the intellectually brilliant lines of "nyah-nyah-nyah."
The National Review published a cover story headlined "Wimps!" Bill O'Reilly of Fox News got all huffy over something a Toronto columnist wrote and decided to appoint himself our national spokesman. Diplomacy is not O'Reilly's forte (he called Canadians "dishonest pinheads").
Of the many stupid things our country has done lately, alienating the best neighbor any country ever had ranks fairly high on the All Time Stupid list. So I have been at some pains to try to answer the ever-so-delicately phrased questions: Are you people actually going to re-elect that nincompoop? (I doubt a Canadian would ever actually ask an American that question -- this is free interpretation on my part.)
What makes the delicacy even more interesting is that Alberta is the province of Canada most like West Texas and the American Mountain states. Lot of ranchers, oil-and-gas men, conservative if not right-wing, a big anti-environmental movement -- just like home. Same deal -- timber industry, mining, all the extractive industries and hunters all lined up against environmentalists, who are outmanned and outgunned but perceived to have the federal government on their side.
You can find Albertans who think John Kerry would ruin the U.S. economy because they are under the impression that Democrats are all deficit spenders. When our economy catches cold, theirs gets pneumonia, so this is a source of real concern here. Pointing out that Bush is already doing trillions in deficit spending, and that he came into office with a huge surplus, draws sad agreement.
What is most striking to me every time I visit this country is how much more Canadians know about the United States and the rest of the world than many Americans do. Because they are generally less provincial than we are and certainly pay more attention to world news, they are acutely aware of how much the Bush administration has increased anti-Americanism around the globe. That's why so many of them are stupefied at the idea he might be re-elected -- they perceive him as having done great harm to his own country.
So, here I am trying to explain these politely astonished people how Americans could vote for George W. Bush. Some days are much tougher sledding than others.

Just Do It

Look, we have the constitutional right to assemble. In fact, that right was the very first amendment to the constitution.
Here, read it for yourself:
Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

That means we are allowed to gather together and protest whatever we want.
The Republican convention, soon to be starting in New York City, is being handled like the GOP has the legal right to abridge the rights of protesters, by denying them permits, by forcing them to congregate well out of sight and earshot of the GOP event, and by denying them access to Central Park, based on some bogus concerns for the health of the grass.
Back in the 70's, we anti war protesters had the freedom to assemble anywhere we wanted.
Had they tried to deny us, corral us or force us into some dark corner where the war mongers wouldn't be bothered by us, we would have burnt some things down and knocked some things over.
This Bush crowd and the GOP party have lied, broken laws, caused us international embarrassment, pissed away our money, violated our civil rights and polluted our environment.
Of course they want to abridge our rights to assemble and protest–they don't want to face the public outrage.
Sometimes governmental rules are unfair. Sometimes they are illegal.
If the GOP demands the hundreds of thousands of people who want to peacefully protest the GOP and Bush regime be abridged or denied the right to do so, their authority is superseded by the constitution and should be ignored.
I hope the protesters take back the park, take back the streets and arrive en masse to make their voices heard. If the police behave toward them like the Gestapo at the president's behest, violence could occur and destruction may ensue. It wouldn't be right to force the NYC police to enforce unconstitutional orders, they've been through enough.

Bush doesn't listen. He doesn't hear. When stubborn people refuse to listen to urgent whispers, the volume elevates until glass shatters.
It was self-serving of the GOP to hold the convention in New York City. Clearly, they're using 9/11 to court sentimentality for political gain.
If they try to corral or curtail these protesters, I predict riots and violence rivaling the 70's protests.
And the bad part is, we already know the GOP will refuse to budge and allow the people their first amendment rights, so the outcome is almost certain.
Even with the sound of glass shattering, I'm certain Bush and his minions still won't listen.
But the voters will, and so will the rest of the world.

Bush Wants Goss: What a Shock.

We all know by now that idiot Bush wants that right-wing asshole Goss to be the new CIA Director.
True, it'll just be a temporary assignment until Bush gets ousted, but I resent Bush wasting more taxpayer money by paying a salary to another partisan scumbag who won't fix anything and whose partisan bumbling will further decimate the reputation of the CIA.
Here's Goss in a nutshell:

GOSS MOCKS SUGGESTION TO INVESTIGATE THE OUTING OF VALERIE PLAME: As chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, Goss refused to investigate the outing of undercover CIA operative Valerie Plame by a senior member of the White House staff. Goss told a newspaper last October that when "somebody sends me a blue dress and some DNA, I'll have an investigation.'"

Yep, that's how seriously he takes the outing of a CIA agent by Bush's staff.
No wonder that asshole Bush wants him to run the CIA.

Here It Comes: My First Brain Tumor

My home phone service has an added feature that allows for unlimited long distance calls for 20 extra bucks a month.
My long distance calling has been so far below the $20, I called SBC today to have them drop the set-fee feature.
Then the fast talking saleswoman somehow boondoggled me into getting >>sigh<< my first cell phone.
Basically, they offered me a free phone, and some outrageous calling plan that allows me more minutes than I'll ever need, all for only $34 a month, which is only $14 more than I was already shelling out. Did I mention the free phone? Oh, who cares!

I hate those damn little pesky cell phones.
I hate seeing people use them.
I hate those ridiculous jingles they program in instead of a ringer.
I hate being trackable when I am away from home.
I don't even like cordless phones at home. I am not a multi tasker, plus they too cause brain tumors.
But, this is a tiny little blue and silver phone that'll hide in my pocket, and it comes with a free charger, a free hands-free wire thing and an attachment for taking photos.
Sure, like I'll be taking pictures with the creepy little thing.
Anyway, if my Blogs start to read like I have a brain tumor, someone please call me on my cell and tell me.
Oh wait. I'm not giving the number out to anyone.
That'll just cause trouble.

Family Plots

Did anyone see it last night?
That Rick needs to get a handle on himself. Between his Wild Turkey-soaked Friday night and a new girlfriend so soon after getting dumped, he's on a sleigh ride to hell. Drunk rebounding might be one solution, but it's not a good one.
His ex-girlfriend Melissa is sort of attractive in a heavily made-up way, but isn't it pretty clear he belongs with the middle sister, Shonna?
As for the Growing Up Gotti clan, Victoria (aka Hedda Nussbaum*) needs to get herself a cattle prod and use it on those wiseguys she birthed.
I love how she threatens them.
"If you upset me, youse guys are gonna see me in the worst kind of mood youse evah seen..."
Sure. With all that Botox, she can't even frown properly.

*thanks, Cris

The SOS Bush Tour!

By now, everyone has heard that ACT and MoveOn have organized a super concert to raise funds to defeat Bush.
The Vote for Change Tour (October 1-10) includes Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band, Bonnie Raitt, Dave Matthews Band, Dixie Chicks, Jackson Browne, John Mellencamp, Ben Harper, Kenny “Babyface” Edmonds, Pearl Jam, R.E.M, James Taylor and others.
Conceived by a loose coalition of musicians four months ago, Vote for Change is a multi-city, multi-artist tour that will include approximately 34 shows in 28 cities in 9 states over the course of one week.

To counteract this communist inspired frenzy of un-American, terrorist-loving drug addicts, the Republican party and it's allies from the John Birch Society, the KKK, Landover Baptist Church and the state of Utah have joined together to launch the SOS (Same Old Shit) Tour.

On slate:
Master of Ceremonies: Rush Limbaugh

Musical Acts:
Pat Boone
Anita Bryant
Connie Stevens
Dixie Carter
Marie Osmond

Gun Battle Reenactments:
Gerald McRaney
Charlton Heston (Alzheimer's permitting)
Chuck Norris

Spokesmodels:
Delta Burke
Shannon Doherty

Comedy Stylings:
Ben Stein
Jerry Mathers
Tony Danza

A Bush Campaign official said, "Who among us wouldn't feel lucky to witness this slate of superstars entertaining their hearts out for Bush?
"Why, Connie Stevens alone is enough to melt the coldest left-winger's heart, but when Mister Pat Boone steps onstage, we'll show the world who the REAL boss is."
The event is sponsored by Halliburton, Standard Oil, Chevron, The Saudi Royal Family, Pfizer, Boeing, Lockheed Martin, Northrop Grumman, Exxon/Mobil, Shell Oil, Dow Chemical, Dow Corning, Raytheon, Honeywell, TRW and Landover Baptist Church.

Tickets are available at G.F.Y.Concert.org.

Note: concert goers must sign an oath supporting the president to gain entrance. Please bring a valid state driver's license, birth certificate, DNA sample, photo for our files, recent dental x-rays,
auto registration, proof of insurance, utilities receipts, proof of employment, e-mail address and PC password, urine & stool samples, and cashier's checks made out to CREEP (committee to reelect president) in amounts of $100 or more (not including ticket prices).
We love everyone, but to ensure national security, please leave people of brown ethnicities, gay people and foreigners at home (for their own safety). No cameras, recording devices, video cams or cell phones allowed. No paper or writing implements allowed. No pants or shirts with pockets, handbags or totes will be allowed into concert venues. No media allowed except for those authorized by the Secret Service in advance. No food or beverages allowed. No loud talking. No complaining. No giggling or staring.
Just come prepared to relax, support the president and have a great time!

Bush Family Gathers for Wedding in Maine

KENNEBUNKPORT, Maine (Aug. 7) - Three generations of Bushes went fishing off the Maine coast Saturday, drawn together for the wedding of presidential nephew George Prescott Bush, who may look gay and was rumored to be gay, but insists he's not gay.
One of President Bush's twin daughters reeled in a 38-inch striped bass with a strobe light in its tail and sequins on it's fins, the president proudly announced.
"Jenna caught it. Jenna caught the fish!" Bush shouted to journalists from his father's boat. Photographers said the monster was thrown back into the Atlantic, after Jenna, first cousin Noelle and her father started screaming the fish was telling them to start the boat on fire.
Rods, reels, an ounce of Maui Wowie and an 8-Ball of fine, Colombian cocaine in hand, the family set out together in the morning on the Fidelity III, the new powerboat given to the first President Bush by his friends in Saudi Arabia as a recent hostess gift.
Three 275-horsepower engines rumbled beneath the boat, which can reach speeds of up to 75 mph. The craft is said to get decent gas mileage, at 5 gallons per mile.
"Let those girly men Coast Guard motherfuckers try to run us down in this fuckin' boat," proclaimed the president. "We are the Bushes, we own Maine, motherfuckers."
The family mostly trolled the calm waters along the Maine cliffs, just up the coast from the Bushes' Walker's Point home. They were shadowed by Coast Guard patrol boats, posted upwind to avoid inadvertantly inhaling the smoke fumes created by the Presidential Bong.
On board were the Poppy Bush; Dubya Bush and both his daughters, Noelle Bush, the daughter of Florida Gov. Jeb Bush; and Colombian importer Paco Estrella, who was invited along as Noelle's "personal assistant."
George P. Bush is Jeb Bush's son. He's really handsome, but not gay, the family reiterated countless times.
The family gathered to attend his wedding to Amanda Williams at St. Ann's Episcopal Church near Walker's Point.
The two met while attending law school at the University of Texas at Austin. They began dating after Bush asked her if he looked better with or without plucked eyebrows.
The bride-to-be works for the Jackson Walker law firm in Fort Worth, Texas, specializing in Halliburton labor litigation. Her hobbies include golf, carpentry and watching, "The L Word."
This fall, George P. Bush will leave his position as an assistant to a federal judge in Dallas to join the Dallas office of Akin Gump Strauss Hauer & Feld, where he will work in the laundering division. The firm is one of the world's largest and earns millions lobbying in Washington.
George P. Bush did not go fishing.
"When a boy like me gets married, he has to have a facial, a manicure, pedicure, waxing, a mango sugar scrub, a session with his spirit guide, a massage, modern dance class and yoga," George P. said. "I was not about to get into that harsh sea air and ruin my nails handling icky fish," he said.
"I am very happy for my son. He is marrying a wonderful young woman. Life can't get any better," Gov. Bush told The Associated Press in an e-mail Thursday from Maine. "Between this event and winning the Florida vote for my brother in Florida, I can hardly cop more of a buzz, even when I hang out with Noelle."
Noelle, who recently left court-ordered rehab for treatment of drug addiction, said, "Yeah. This boat, like, with the people on it, like, it was like picturing myself with, like, tangerine skies and marmalade, uhh, you know, like toast with marmalade, only no calories and it makes you, like, smile big time, only better."

The Imbecile slips and tells the truth, for once.

WASHINGTON (AP) - President Bush offered up a new entry for his catalog of "Bushisms'' on Thursday.
Bush misspoke as he delivered a speech at the signing ceremony for a $417 billion defense spending bill.
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we,'' Bush said. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.''