Sunday, August 08, 2004

The SOS Bush Tour!

By now, everyone has heard that ACT and MoveOn have organized a super concert to raise funds to defeat Bush.
The Vote for Change Tour (October 1-10) includes Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band, Bonnie Raitt, Dave Matthews Band, Dixie Chicks, Jackson Browne, John Mellencamp, Ben Harper, Kenny “Babyface” Edmonds, Pearl Jam, R.E.M, James Taylor and others.
Conceived by a loose coalition of musicians four months ago, Vote for Change is a multi-city, multi-artist tour that will include approximately 34 shows in 28 cities in 9 states over the course of one week.

To counteract this communist inspired frenzy of un-American, terrorist-loving drug addicts, the Republican party and it's allies from the John Birch Society, the KKK, Landover Baptist Church and the state of Utah have joined together to launch the SOS (Same Old Shit) Tour.

On slate:
Master of Ceremonies: Rush Limbaugh

Musical Acts:

Pat Boone
Anita Bryant
Connie Stevens
Dixie Carter
Marie Osmond

Gun Battle Reenactments:

Gerald McRaney
Charlton Heston (Alzheimer's permitting)
Chuck Norris


Delta Burke
Shannon Doherty

Comedy Stylings:

Ben Stein
Jerry Mathers
Tony Danza

A Bush Campaign official said, "Who among us wouldn't feel lucky to witness this slate of superstars entertaining their hearts out for Bush?
"Why, Connie Stevens alone is enough to melt the coldest left-winger's heart, but when Mister Pat Boone steps onstage, we'll show the world who the REAL boss is."
The event is sponsored by Halliburton, Standard Oil, Chevron, The Saudi Royal Family, Pfizer, Boeing, Lockheed Martin, Northrop Grumman, Exxon/Mobil, Shell Oil, Dow Chemical, Dow Corning, Raytheon, Honeywell, TRW and Landover Baptist Church.

Tickets are available at

Note: concert goers must sign an oath supporting the president to gain entrance. Please bring a valid state driver's license, birth certificate, DNA sample, photo for our files, recent dental x-rays,
auto registration, proof of insurance, utilities receipts, proof of employment, e-mail address and PC password, urine & stool samples, and cashier's checks made out to CREEP (committee to reelect president) in amounts of $100 or more (not including ticket prices).
We love everyone, but to ensure national security, please leave people of brown ethnicities, gay people and foreigners at home (for their own safety). No cameras, recording devices, video cams or cell phones allowed. No paper or writing implements allowed. No pants or shirts with pockets, handbags or totes will be allowed into concert venues. No media allowed except for those authorized by the Secret Service in advance. No food or beverages allowed. No loud talking. No complaining. No giggling or staring.

Just come prepared to relax, support the president and have a great time!

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