The Stimulus Plan
Let me break this down for those asshole, obstructionist, nuisance Republicans in the legislature.
You fucked up when your team had the ball, get it?
None of you lily livered, quivering chinned robots said shit when Bush was trying to shove all kinds of bullshit bills down our throats, now did ya?
Now you're lined up like contestants on, "So You Think You've Got Talent" and whinnying like glue factory nags in front of any camera lens you can see.
"It's got pork!" you cry.
"It's going too fast," you whimper.
"It's not got enough tax cuts," you blubber.
Yeah, well, it's Obama's Stimulus Package, and because Bush and Dick and the GOP's last fuck-up ended up with us handing over billions of our tax dollars to banks and insurance companies and other greedy Goliaths who turned around and rat-holed the dough to help themselves get richer.
Here's what Obama's bill could include and I'd still go for it:
-Condoms for elementary school kids
-Tattoo removal for all
-Pies to throw at bailed-out executives who attend any and all fancy retreats
-Clean needles for drug addicts
-Manscaping for hairy guys
-Hybrid weed research and farming incentives
-Free gourmet meals for school kids
-New tires for all Americans
-Cunnilingus lessons for new lesbian recruits
-Free iPod downloads for anyone named Karen
-Free HBO and Showtime at homeless shelters
-Elimination of the IRS; everyone pays 10% of what they make
-Public art on every street corner
-Two percent financing on all new cars and any home purchases
-Free college tuition for all
-Free medical and dental coverage for all
I don't care what Obama thinks will help stimulate the economy. He's smart, we trust him and we dont trust you.
Pass the goddamn bill already and be quiet, Republicans.