Thursday, February 05, 2009

The Stimulus Plan

Let me break this down for those asshole, obstructionist, nuisance Republicans in the legislature.
You fucked up when your team had the ball, get it?
None of you lily livered, quivering chinned robots said shit when Bush was trying to shove all kinds of bullshit bills down our throats, now did ya?
Now you're lined up like contestants on, "So You Think You've Got Talent" and whinnying like glue factory nags in front of any camera lens you can see.
"It's got pork!" you cry.
"It's going too fast," you whimper.
"It's not got enough tax cuts," you blubber.
Yeah, well, it's Obama's Stimulus Package, and because Bush and Dick and the GOP's last fuck-up ended up with us handing over billions of our tax dollars to banks and insurance companies and other greedy Goliaths who turned around and rat-holed the dough to help themselves get richer.
Here's what Obama's bill could include and I'd still go for it:
-Condoms for elementary school kids
-Tattoo removal for all
-Pies to throw at bailed-out executives who attend any and all fancy retreats
-Clean needles for drug addicts
-Manscaping for hairy guys
-Hybrid weed research and farming incentives
-Free gourmet meals for school kids
-New tires for all Americans
-Cunnilingus lessons for new lesbian recruits
-Free iPod downloads for anyone named Karen
-Free HBO and Showtime at homeless shelters
-Elimination of the IRS; everyone pays 10% of what they make
-Public art on every street corner
-Two percent financing on all new cars and any home purchases
-Free college tuition for all
-Free medical and dental coverage for all
-Pony rides
-Free haircuts

I don't care what Obama thinks will help stimulate the economy. He's smart, we trust him and we dont trust you.
Pass the goddamn bill already and be quiet, Republicans.
Fuckin' chumps.


Gua said...

Ha, ha, too funny....but yes pass the bill already!!

Lulu Maude said...

God, that was great.

And I'm damn good and ready for my pony ride.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Yeah and I could use a haircut.

bigsis said...

Where does one sign up to give those lessons?

karenzipdrive said...


big sis made me blush!

nonnie9999 said...

how about a shout-out to barbara boxer for calling lindseypoo out? it's about fucking time the dems ask the rethugs how many times they kicked their little feet when chimpy asked for money. if they don't want to be reasonable, then embarrass the assholes! they deserve it.

p.s. could you please add free internets and cable tv for everyone to the list, please, karen?

Distributorcap said...

the disconnect of people like graham and kyl still amazes me

problem is -- they can do what they want -- the media giving them their forum -- is what is killing us

republicans are snake oik salesmen -- it is required coursework at LIberty U and DIngleberry COllege.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Lindsay Graham reminds me of a soft little country boy who got his ass kicked a lot in elementary school.
He's what we in Texas call a Candy Ass.

Anonymous said...

My my ain't it grand, the Democrats one the election and they are acting as if there will never be another one. Y'all get your chance and it will be as screwed up and as scandal ridden as the pervert you put in the white house last time.