Ugh. Stuporbowl Sunday
I know many of my lesbo sister wymmin just adore football, but I do not.
And I know today is the high holy day of that sport, but I find the whole ordeal positively annoying.
First off, it is impossible to go to any supermarket without having to deal with Neanderthals in sweats going up the down aisles, loading their carts with beer, chips, dips and mayonaissey things that come in plastic cartons from the refrigerated deli section.
They have no supermarket etiquette. They park their carts diagonally mid-aisle, they bump into things, they grunt and point like Cro-magnons dressed in Walmart couture.
Besides Valentine's Day, when they dash in for a wilted bouquet of afterthought roses for their suffering wives, the men in my neighborhood are as at-home in a grocery store as I am at a transmission shop.
And this year it's even worse because Texas men have to pretend to like the Steelers and/or the Cardinals in order to justify swilling a case of beer and sitting around with their hands down the front of their sweatpants watching their new 60" flat screens.
And though my NFL knowledge is minimal, I do know that Arizona is home to the Cardinals AND John McCain, making me hope they lose by 160-0.
Didja know that domestic violence after the Superbowl rises to meteoric levels? "Yeah, my team lost so I'm gonna have to slap my wife around because it's all her fault." That sorta thing.
I've been invited to a handful of game watching parties, but I'd rather sort socks or iron ruffled linen.
Really, the best thing to do on this horrid day is head to the local mall and enjoy an evening of shopping that's heavy on yin and light on yang.
But in this economy, who has money for recreational shopping?
So I plan instead to hunker down and play a DVD of the chickiest chick flick ever- "The Devil Wears Prada."
I may even make some dainty finger sandwiches or a quiche to go with it. And I might buy a bottle of Chablis- isn't that the girliest wine ever?
Oh wait, I can't buy any groceries today.
It's Man-Day at the local HEB.