Sunday, February 01, 2009

Ugh. Stuporbowl Sunday



I know many of my lesbo sister wymmin just adore football, but I do not.
And I know today is the high holy day of that sport, but I find the whole ordeal positively annoying.
First off, it is impossible to go to any supermarket without having to deal with Neanderthals in sweats going up the down aisles, loading their carts with beer, chips, dips and mayonaissey things that come in plastic cartons from the refrigerated deli section.
They have no supermarket etiquette. They park their carts diagonally mid-aisle, they bump into things, they grunt and point like Cro-magnons dressed in Walmart couture.
Besides Valentine's Day, when they dash in for a wilted bouquet of afterthought roses for their suffering wives, the men in my neighborhood are as at-home in a grocery store as I am at a transmission shop.
And this year it's even worse because Texas men have to pretend to like the Steelers and/or the Cardinals in order to justify swilling a case of beer and sitting around with their hands down the front of their sweatpants watching their new 60" flat screens.
And though my NFL knowledge is minimal, I do know that Arizona is home to the Cardinals AND John McCain, making me hope they lose by 160-0.
Didja know that domestic violence after the Superbowl rises to meteoric levels? "Yeah, my team lost so I'm gonna have to slap my wife around because it's all her fault." That sorta thing.
I've been invited to a handful of game watching parties, but I'd rather sort socks or iron ruffled linen.
Really, the best thing to do on this horrid day is head to the local mall and enjoy an evening of shopping that's heavy on yin and light on yang.
But in this economy, who has money for recreational shopping?
So I plan instead to hunker down and play a DVD of the chickiest chick flick ever- "The Devil Wears Prada."
I may even make some dainty finger sandwiches or a quiche to go with it. And I might buy a bottle of Chablis- isn't that the girliest wine ever?
Oh wait, I can't buy any groceries today.
It's Man-Day at the local HEB.
Ugh.

13 comments:

HelenWheels said...

I'm with you, sister!! I have *zero* interest in football, the over-hyped ridiculous halftime hoopla, and Neanderthal run-ins, although it's not nearly as bad here in Los Angeles (obviously) as what you must be suffering through!!! I remember the HEB (I lived in Austin for 4 years wayyyy back in the '80's).

You just cracked me up big-time telling it like it is. It's cave man christmas, for chrissakes.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I liked The Devil Wears Prada because Meryl Streep and Ann Hathaway were so smokin' hot it in. I do like football but I hate the Superbowl. I'll probably watch a bit of it though.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

"...in it."

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Distributorcap said...

it is 726pm eastern time
i have watched 1 minute

i will watch the commercials at work tomorrow

nonnie9999 said...

not a huge football fan, but i am watching it this time. i want to see arizona lose. i like thinking that capt underpants and jon kyl are dying a little bit. i didn't turn the game on until almost the end of the second quarter, because i was watching my favorite show of the entire year--puppy bowl on animal planet!! i watched it 3 times! it's the best thing--maybe the only good thing--about superbowl sunday, tv wise. well, that and the office is on right after the game. love the office.

Lisa said...

I am sitting here sipping hot chocolate, watching Sense and Sensibility on Masterpiece Theater. I think that pretty much describes how I feel about the superwhatever thingy.

Julien said...

I agree 100%. I am watching "Prada" also - it's actually playing on TV tonight! /lol

Lulu Maude said...

We just barely missed a Superbowl party at a local pub. My spouse is about as anti or maybe just un-football as a person can be. I found myself glad that the Steelers had won this morning, more because they are all that's left of the local steel industry.

So shoot me. I loved The Deer Hunter.

I spent the evening working on my novel, which I have revived, for now.

Karen Zipdrive said...

I ended up having dinner with a European couple. I can think of no better way to escape the crassness of the Superbowl than to spend it with liberal Spaniards George Bush would detest!
:D

HelenWheels said...

And can you think of a better way for Americans to worship at their corporate-owned media altar than actually voting on which stuporbowl AD was the best one? That's the top news story on Yahoo! today.

Last week a top story was Jessica Simpson gaining a few lbs.

This country is insane.

HelenWheels said...

OH I watched some PuppyBowl though.

bigsis said...

The spouse loves football, what can I say? She tried to lure me in with touchy-feely info about the Cardinals quarterback, and I almost took the bait. But once the kicking and punching and hitting began, I left and slid into a nice warm bath and pampered myself the rest of the evening. Hope Mr. Touchy Feely quarterback did the same after his team lost.