Heteros: Please Reclaim Lohan
Though we queers are notorious for claiming celebrities are either gay, closeted gay or at least bisexual (Tom Cruise, Lady Gaga, Oprah, Glenn Beck, etc.) I think it's time one of us steps forward and announces that Lindsay Lohan's brief but volatile affair with definite lesbian Samantha Ronson was but a fluke.
What and whom she did during her drug and alcohol fueled era should not count.
I hope she emerges from the psych ward clean, sober and heterosexual.
We've already been stuck with Chaz Bono and Richard Simmons, so I'd say we've taken enough hits.
On behalf of all the queers in America, I hereby announce that you straighties must take her back, find her a good man and marry her off. Mazel tov. Invite us to the wedding.
Really, we are cool with her being totally straight.