Saturday, August 14, 2010

Oh, No!

I think it's safe to say the Food Network peaked back when they had the two fat ladies cooking all sorts of bacon and lard-based dishes throughout the English countryside.
Now the network's latest bad idea is, "Food Truck Wars," where food truck "chefs" vie for a $50,000 grand prize.
We have food trucks here in San Antonio.
They all serve variations of tacos and other Mexican foods, and they camp out in bar and tavern parking lots hoping to catch inebriated customers as they stagger out of the bar.
I can't say I've ever eaten off a food truck.
The finite supply of running water is a concern, as are the scruffy personnel, who probably learned their culinary skills during a hitch in prison.
I suspect most of these food trucks offer patrons weed, coke and crank in addition to tacos and gorditas.
Wait--I have eaten off a food truck once. It was at a fancy backyard party and the sparkling clean truck was painted orange. The chefs were from the interior of Mexico, and the food was absolutely atrocious. All the meats were rubbery, which was disguised by the red and green sauces, which were spicy enough to eat the paint off a car.
Maybe in other regions of the country food trucks offer delicious foods. But they still have a finite amount of running water, and that to me signals potential gastro-intestinal problems further up the road.
Will you watch the show?
I won't.


bigsis said...

Oh, and where exactly do you buy your favorite cupcake in the world, the Michael Jackson with a whip cream infusion?

Next time you're in Austin we'll take you for the best crepes this side of Montemarte and they're sold out of truck in a shady little park.

Fran said...

There is an outfit here in a beat up old trailer with a hand painted sign "Launches to go"
I'm pretty sure they meant to say Lunches to go... but maybe it was a Freudian slip...
launching projectile vomiting??

I'll pass.

Lisa said...

Hang on - I see a disturbing trend here. Maybe. Yesterday while scrolling through my rss feeds, I noticed one of those How To blogs had a post up about How To Eat Healthy and Save Money at a Food Truck.

I'm not sure what that means, but could Food Trucks be the next vampire zombie cupcakesov?

Karen Zipdrive said...

Sis, that's a shiny silver Gulfstream cupcake trailer, not a truck and they don't bake them in the trailer.
As for the crepe truck, I'll try that because it's not complicated to make a crepe, unlike a nasty fried gordita or taco.
Lisa, I think it is suspicious. Keep an eye on it.

jadedj said...

Back in the day when I lived in L.A. and was in the movie biz, these things hung around location shoots. We referred to them as "roach coaches", which I think aptly describes them. Lots of tasty lard.

jadedj said...

btw---I won't be watching the show.

nonnie9999 said...

i have eaten off roach coaches on occasion. they used to come around where i worked. they were smaller than the one in the picture, and they only carried food. they didn't cook on them.

i won't watch the show, mostly because the hosts they have on food network are just too obnoxious for words.

South Austin Viceroy said...

It gets better. Here in Austin they now make crapes, which is Texan for shitty ass pancakes. Fucking crapes, with some form of duck butter (sounds like porno jizzym) and duck meat.

Can't I have a simple mireaqua and fajita meat with out the duck butter?

I hate the Food Network and I hope their dumbass Guy Fiete and Bobby Flay are skipped over in some Learning Channel show involving a family with that hair lipped Kate woman.

Karen Zipdrive said...

I have since discovered that "gourmet" food trucks are all over L.A. and quite the rage.
The food trucks in San Antonio, however, are broke-down and specialize in grease.
Duck butter sounds disgusting, but I like crepes and I'll pretty much eat them from the back of an old jalopy, served by Mr. Stranger Danger himself.

Distributorcap said...

th food trucks in ny are great - there is one guy that makes the best tacos, and the big gay ice cream truck and there is the pastry lady who was on food network

i love foodtrucks, i hate food truck shows

Karen Zipdrive said...

My final word on food trucks:
no running water, no thanks.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Okay, okay, I have noticed lately millions of stories on TV and in magazines about an abundance of gourmet food trucks on the scene. Apparently, San Antonio is wayyyy behind the trend, leaving me with the impression that all food trucks have bad signs written in Spanish plastered all over them, featuring tripas (tripe) and other nauseating dishes for sale.
I have yet to encounter a hybrid Korean/Mexican food truck with a superstar chef who has impeccable culinary credentials.
I feel like a real backwoods hick for not realizing there's a whole world of delicious offerings from food trucks all over the place.
But still, having no access to unlimited hot and cold running water is a cautionary fact for all to consider.
And I still ain't ordering anything off any San Antonio food trucks.