By now, we all know that the Ulong Tribe holds the record for being the crappiest tribe in Survivor history. The sole Ulong survivor is Stephenie, one of the hottest chicks on the whole island.
Last week she eliminated Bobby Jon in a fire building challenge. He was cute but getting stinky, so I'm glad she beat him.
Tonight, I predict Stephenie will be shown all scared and freaked out at being alone at the Ulong camp. Please join me in pretending a film crew is not there to tape her desolation and rescue her in case of a wild monkey attack.
She will eat coconuts, which are considered highly nutritious. One whole, young coconut has only 140 calories and provides 17% of the RDA for calcium. The total fat content is 3 grams, all saturated. With a zero content of cholesterol, the young coconut has 50 mg sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrate, 2 grams of fiber,15 grams of sugar and 2 grams of protein.
The raw meat of a mature coconut has 283 calories and 2.7 grams of protein for 1 cup. That one cup contains 12.2 grams of carbohydrates. The sodium content is low at 16 mg. Coconut is a high fiber food that delivers 7.2 grams for 1 cup of freshly grated meat. One cup of grated coconut packs 26.8 grams of total fat with 23.8 grams saturated which means that it is 80% fat.
One cup of fresh coconut also contains a good range of B vitamins except B12, with 21.1 mcg of folic acid and 2.6 mg of vitamin C. Coconut is a good source of minerals with 11.2 mg of calcium, 1.9 mg. of iron, 15.6 mg of magnesium, 285 mg. of potassium, and 0.9 mg. of zinc.
So we know she won't be starving out there, all alone.
Even if she were, it won't matter because tonight she will merge with the Koror tribe, where members will greet Stephenie and her leftover Ulong booty, including leftover clothing and fabric, the tool box, fishing gear, mask and the snorkel and fins. Not a bad hostess gift for a hot babe like her to show up with.
And remember, with Koror being stuck with a few creeps all this time due to their long winning streak, she won't be automatically booted off. Koror members Ian, Tom and Katie love her and want to take her to the final four.
Coby and Caryn are a couple of bitches who'll go long before Stephenie does.And Janu is sweet but her mental health is about as strong as a damp, generic paper towel.
Rumor has it, a celebration will cause Tom to get shit-faced and loose lipped. Ooops.
Look for the immunity challenge to be one of those pole standing things, with Janu dozing off like a vulture with a bellyful of carrion. Tom might be hung-over but he's rumored to win immunity. Stephenie, filled with new, fishy protein from the Koror Cafe, will place an impressive second.
Tonight's boot will be a silver lamé disco model with a stiletto heel.
It fits Coby. You go, girl.
The Apprentice? Please ax that crazy punk Chris and throw his nasty chewin' tabacky into the cab after him.