There's a Sucker Born Every Minute
Texas is hot in the summer.
A visiting Canadian friend once referred to it as "India hot," and she was correct.
Yeah, yeah, with global warming it's hotter everywhere, but Texas has gone from hot to fucking crazy Satanic hot in the summer.
As I was watching television late one night last week, I spied an infomercial-type ad for a product called, "AutoCool."
AutoCool is a solar powered gizmo one hooks over a car window. The solar panel generates power from the sweltering sun and activates an exhaust fan, sucking all the hot air out of the parked car and leaving it a cool temperature somewhere in the 70's.
I was seduced by the prospect (not to mention delirious from a long day of sweltering heat) and called the 1-800 number immediately.
I was so excited.
For $14.99 plus about $7 shipping and handling, I was on my way to cool, parked car comfort. So excited was I, I nearly ordered discounted extras for my siblings.
They also tried to "give me" a spongy container that fits in a cup holder and organizes cell phones, note pads, pens and loose change.
First, I don't have a cup holder in my car, and second I didn't think the glorified Koozie was worth the extra six bucks they wanted for S&H.
I started waiting with delicious anticipation for the thing to arrive.
Then last night, Eyewitness News in San Antonio did a consumer affairs segment where they tested the Auto Cool.
The teasers before the report were neutral, so I waited impatiently to see if I'd been rooked. My friends Elaine and Susan were there, already giving me the business before the results were even reported.
They parked two similar cars next to each other in a treeless, asphalt parking lot.
Both held giant thermometers on the passenger seat, each reading 90 degrees at the start of the test.
Only one car had the AutoCool installed in the window.
After four hours, the car without the AutoCool device registered a roasty, toasty 126 degrees.
Holy shit! I had no idea cars got that hot in Texas summers.
By then, I would have been happy if the AutoCooled car chilled the other car to only 100 degrees.
Then they showed the thermometer in the AutoCooled car.
It registered 130 fucking degrees (or 54 Celsius).
In short, I've been screwed.
I've no idea if the packaging will contain any return options, but somehow I doubt it.
But the good news is, if I ever decide to speak to my middle sister's obnoxious partner again, I'll have the perfect Christmas gift for her.