Friday, October 12, 2007

Help Me Think of New Ailments

The HR Director (who loves me) mentioned that salaried employees can show up at the office for five minutes, then go home sick for the rest of the day without having to take sick leave.
So far since my resignation, I have taken about four days, leaving for lunch then calling in sick. First it was a migraine, then it was allergies, then anxiety. On Wednesday it was "explosive diarrhea." The receptionish laughed out loud at that one.
I need some new ailments. Can you help?


CLD said...

Eczema? The heartbreak of psoriasis?

Sinusitis, thrown-out back, bum knee, stiff neck [pinched nerve]... umm what else?

Oh -- you're having eye problems; you can't see yourself coming into work. HA!

Lulu Maude said...

Female or systemic complaints can be heaps of fun... especially if they are graphic and vile. Too much information? Be sure to forward them to DWiP!!

stacey said...

PMS, colitis, PMDD, IBS, stomach flu, food poisoning, hangnail, sick kid, sick dog, sick cat, Crohn's, muscle spasm, breast pain, pulled muscle, allergic reaction, full body rash (resulting from the allergic reaction, most likely), ingrown toenail, athlete's foot, yeast infection, strep throat, menopause, low blood sugar, high blood sugar, broken toe... That should be a nice start for you. Incidentally, these are all reasons that people have been in my ambulance (usually occurring between 1 and 4 a.m.). If they're good enough reasons to call 911, they must be good enough reasons to call in for an afternoon. ;-)

bigsis said...

As a life long bureaucrat, here's my advice: We like to call in with things that are contagious because Someone always says "don't come to work and spread it."

I'd stay with an intestinal virus because you can show up at work and say you feel a little better (martyrdom is a nice touch), then say you mistakenly tried to eat a little something at noon and it made you sick again. A little liquid green soap under your armpits will raise your temperature for a short while if someone insists on taking your temp.

Run your fingers thru your hair, don't comb. And wear clothes right out of the dryer or hamper. I'd recommend spending too much time in the restroom too, but with DWiP in there power-peeing, maybe that's not a good idea.

Distributorcap said...

something contagious like meningitis -- that'll scare em

bigsis said...

Yes, meningitis is perfect. But go in to work every morning anyway and make them holler at you to get the hell home. You'd still get paid, so what the heck.

queerpoet said...

Pregnancy is good - for going home sick as well as leaving them something to talk about.

Anonymous said...

You sound like worthless piece of crap to me. Good thing some people actually work and help keep the world going.

karenzipdrive said...

I love how bold these anonymous commenters always are.
Thanks for keeping the world going for us, you lil'worker bee.

Lulu Maude said...


dguzman said...

A friend of mine is a manager, and he had someone call in for:
1. Fat lip
2. Ear infection
3. Hang nail

Of course, I always just use the "Oh man, I just feel ooky" defense. Quick, to the point, and vague.