Sunday, October 14, 2007

KarenZipdrive's Fall Cornucopia Blog

I haven't got enough for a full blog on any particular topic, so I've decided to slop them all together and call them a cornucopia.
Dancing with the Stars: Now that they've jettisoned the paralyzed Kodiak bear Wayne Newton, the show has regained its legitimacy. Look to Elio the racecar driver or the little chubby blonde chick Cheetah Girl to win.
Cavemen: I watched it once and it's actually worse than the GEICO ads. Rather than dressing like preppies, they should just shave, get a haircut and disappear.
-Early this month at the monthly staff meeting, the CEO Mr. Schmutz hastily assembled some happy good time economic reports he found on some Republican web page and explained to us that inflation was down and our cost of living increase would be 2.5 percent. Obviously, he's about as familiar with grocery shopping as George H.W. Bush 41. He also suggested that we all pay off our credit card balances monthly, to avoid costly finance charges.
-Later this month, he broke company rules by mass e-mailing us some kind of Focus on the Family petition request that God's name not be omitted from governmental ceremonies, literature or other state business.
-Our Marketing Manager Carol, who's far sneakier than I, had been secretly looking for another job. She found a directorship at a non-profit for $18,000 more per year and gave two weeks notice, effective October 24. That leaves the DWiP with exactly zero employees.
-I got a firm job offer as well, editing a glossy magazine. The problem is it's in Denver, which is in Red State Colorado, which may as well be Texas. I considered it for a day or two but I'm not going to take it. If I want to be around pretentious assholes, I'd move to Dallas.
It's October 14 and 86 degrees outside. Early Halloween decorations on homes in my neighborhood are starting to fade in the sun.
I am depressed and I think I have PTSD after all this corporate torture. I think I may sleep from Nov. 1 to the 15, then wake up and start looking for a job. So far I have managed to stave off acting on vandalism fantasies I have about the DWiP's car and home. Also I have ruled out punching her in the face. She'd tattle for sure.
If you haven't heard anything about Amy Winehouse besides her unfortunate love for liquor, drugs and domestic battering, check out her CD Back to Black. I bought it and love it like crazy. She's like Etta James meets Janis Joplin. Buy it and learn to love her music before she OD's and leaves us.


Lulu Maude said...

Denver! Is Colorado really all that red?? Colorado Springs sure is, but I remember Denver much more affectionately.

However, I don't recommend leaving years of established friendships, and I speak from experience. You just can't replace those ties.

Zippie dear, it's good that you know thy truly Texan self.

Anonymous said...

Denver isn't so bad, but you will have to say goodbye to decent Tex-Mex. I found the city to be a lot less integrated than San Antonio too. It's a progressive town, but it lacks personality. Without the mountains it may as well be Des Moines. And yet I've found no better place for microbrews, and that's worth something.

Karen Zipdrive said...

No TexMex? Fogeddabouddit.

dguzman said...

I'm with Lulu Maude--Colorado is WAY too white for anyone of our persuasion. And you're right--leaving TexMex food has almost killed me, as I rot away in Central PA. God, I miss Chuy's Comida Deluxe.

karenzipdrive said...

Hell, I left Alamo Heights because it was too white. I hated having to iron to go to the H-E-B.

bigsis said...

Imagine your company as a whole state and that's pretty much Colorado. Some nice folks, but overall if you're different you get treated badly. Much as I hate Dallas, it beats Denver.

louche said...

i'm with you on the cheetah girl to win

Jane said...

What's an H-E-B?

karenzipdrive said...

H-E-B is a giant grocery store chain all over Texas.

dguzman said...

Great comment about Alamo Hts!

I lived in Fort Worth for 13 years before moving to PA. Austin before that, Kingsville before that (college), and Harlingen before that.

I miss Texas sometimes. But I don't miss the heat or the humidity!

Julien Sharp said...

KZ why not take your writing/editing talents to the Big Apple?

scaredycatzipdrive said...

Big Apple: Too expensive.