Even the Cake Was Drunk!
What happens when two red state hicks get married?
You get a wedding cake from the Walmart bakery in Waco!
I'm shocked I haven't read or heard any accounts of what happened to this cake, so here I am, left to do the dirty work.
I think it's pretty poetic that the rest of the world gets to see that Jenna Bush has followed in the footsteps of her father, pretending a disaster like this cake not only didn't matter, she gleefully posed in front of it like Bush did with that Mission Accomplished banner.
Call me prissy, but if I were a president's kid about to marry and knew the world would be seeing my wedding pictures, I'd use some of the kickback dough my crooked daddy has skimmed off the American taxpayers and order TWO wedding cakes, in case one of them tumped over in the bed of the pick-up truck they used to deliver it.
And while I was at it, I think I'd select someone besides that fossilized 76-year-old Oscar De la Renta to design my dress.
First off, we have plenty of American designers, like NYC-born Vera Wang who actually specializes in wedding gowns.
Furthermore, I wouldn't marry anyone outdoors in Texas in May. Anyone who's ever been out in the country in Texas that close to all that bug-infested brush and those pollen spitting trees during the humid month of May knows what I mean.
And don't get me started on that cornball limestone altar with the extra jumbo cross W. had erected for the wedding.
It looks to me like it was hewn from mud in the dark by a one-armed bracero who wanted to get it done before the Border Patrol made its morning rounds.
Look, I don't care if multi-millionaires want to throw a wedding on the cheap- but even Texan Lyndon B. Johnson threw out all the stops when his semi-attractive daughters tied the knot during his presidency.
When the world is watching, would it be too much to ask that the president's family at least make sure the damn wedding cake isn't crooked?
Talk about a metaphor!!