Tuesday, November 22, 2005

San Antonio: Top Thanksgiving Destination

Swell.
It turns out San Antonio is the American city most likely to host visitors for Thanksgiving this year.
With azure blue skies and weather predicted to be in the high 70's, it's no wonder.
Also, more than a few million holiday lights around town will be switched on that night, causing more photo opportunities than the average Santa Fe balloon festival.
Alas, many visitors come by car.
That means drivers from places like Kansas, Oklahoma and other Godforsaken Hellholes will be clogging our freeways, doing 55 in the left lane with their right turn signals stuck in the ON position.
That means gridlock in and around all Walmart locations.
No parking downtown.
Mexican restaurants will be clogged all weekend. So will movie theaters.

Do me a favor, visitors.
-If you are on the freeway and an eggplant colored Acura is on your tail, move over.
-If you are tailgating an eggplant colored Acura, back off.
-If you think all San Antonians love George W. Bush, think again.
-If you back an NBA team other than the Spurs, keep it to yourself. We are the champions, deal with it.
-Please do not say you love it here so much you want to move here, unless you are a liberal Democrat or an attractive lesbian who likes slightly burnt-out curmudgeons.
-No, I do not want to see photos of your grandchildren.

Welcome to San Antonio. Enjoy your meal.
Now go home.

12 comments:

Holly in Cincinnati said...

Enjoy your holiday weekend, Ms. Curmudgeon!

in.dog.neato said...

hear hear Mizz Z...

I feel the exact same way about the second week of June, when the traffic from the touristas and Citiots is starting to ramp up...

enojy yer weekend all...we'll be keeping warm in Dooloot...

mmm...turkey...

Karen Zipdrive said...

I'm planning to have dinner around 1 p.m. with some nice friends at the beautiful home of a concert pianist who records meditation CDs.
Then I'm off to another friend's home for a second dinner later that day.
Fat pants, anyone? ('_')

dusty said...

Lawd have mercy girl..you remind me of me when the touristas descend on Ocean Beach,CA, my former beloved hometown in San Diego. But OB gets them all year..so there :P

The Educated Eclectic said...

Where is the best place for educated and professional gays to live?

Which ghetto wins?

Mileah said...

So will you hunker down and wait for the weekend to pass?

I'm heading to Port A. Where the median age is 70 for the weekend. I'll at least feel like a young un.

Karen Zipdrive said...

I believe I'll hunker down and wait for those two thanksgivng dinners to pass.

Pam said...

Be my, be my, be my San Antonio girl.

BigSis said...

Come on, you know you love the tourists in SA. San Antonio passed up many many opportunities to get in on the .com action and chose tourism instead. You were all delighted to open another million or two Tex-Mex restaurants and plug in as many beloved colored lights.

If SA had gone the way of Austin you'd have a quiet little weekend ahead with all the UT's gone home, and the .com's sipping crantinis at Lance Armstrong's bar on 4th Street.

Be proud Zipdrive, San Antonio is beeeautiful. I can't wait until next month to join the mobs in SA and honk like I'm crazy and drive real slow so I don't miss any of the Xmas lights.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Austin can have that Dell and dot.com traffic all year. At least SA doesn't have all those Colliefornians hitting town and jacking up housing prices to the ridiculous stage.
And yes we do honk in S.A.
Honking can mean:
howdy
fuck you
watch it
easy does it
how's it going
check out my ride
nice ass
etc.

Lulu Maude said...

We're having our first snowfall here in VT... and to top it off, a flock of wild turkeys is wandering around the neighborhood. They are HUGE!

Of course, no area reeks of Thanksgiving more than New England, but I guess people would rather be less "authentic" in the sun belt. Can't blame em.

There's a new book out that says that Squanto was less a benevolent fool, more a savvy politician trying to survive them pilgrims...

A votre sante!

Holly in Cincinnati said...

Are they safe?

"a flock of wild turkeys is wandering around the neighborhood. They are HUGE!"