San Antonio: Top Thanksgiving Destination
It turns out San Antonio is the American city most likely to host visitors for Thanksgiving this year.
With azure blue skies and weather predicted to be in the high 70's, it's no wonder.
Also, more than a few million holiday lights around town will be switched on that night, causing more photo opportunities than the average Santa Fe balloon festival.
Alas, many visitors come by car.
That means drivers from places like Kansas, Oklahoma and other Godforsaken Hellholes will be clogging our freeways, doing 55 in the left lane with their right turn signals stuck in the ON position.
That means gridlock in and around all Walmart locations.
No parking downtown.
Mexican restaurants will be clogged all weekend. So will movie theaters.
Do me a favor, visitors.
-If you are on the freeway and an eggplant colored Acura is on your tail, move over.
-If you are tailgating an eggplant colored Acura, back off.
-If you think all San Antonians love George W. Bush, think again.
-If you back an NBA team other than the Spurs, keep it to yourself. We are the champions, deal with it.
-Please do not say you love it here so much you want to move here, unless you are a liberal Democrat or an attractive lesbian who likes slightly burnt-out curmudgeons.
-No, I do not want to see photos of your grandchildren.
Welcome to San Antonio. Enjoy your meal.
Now go home.