Monday, January 11, 2010

The Bachelor: Worst Show on TV



Originally, I would have chosen "The Girls Next Door" as the creepiest TV show ever. I mean, what could be worse than watching the 82-year old Hugh Hefner slobbering his denture breath all over three women so stupid that they missed being bimbos by about 30 IQ points?
But after seeing only 11 minutes of The Bachelor, I'm convinced the women vying for the affection of this Opie Taylor-esque cornball bachelor named Jake Pavelka, are the most insipid women on Earth.
The scandal for tonight is that one of the whores--ooops, I mean contestants, has been carrying on a sloppy, wet, torrid affair with one of the show's producers. The bachelor has the nerve of reacting to the news by saying, "I've never been cheated on before, and this really hurts."
WHAT!? Cheating on him, is he kidding?
This is a man who has about a dozen bikini-clad tramps humping him at a time in hopes of scoring a coveted rose.
When the girls get one on one time with Pavelka, they're already so soused on champagne they're slurring their words. They use these precious moments to say things like, "Uhh, I just want to say that, like, you are really, really a great guy that I, like, can really really see myself marrying, like forever...hahahahahah!"
"When I first saw you, I was, like, wow he's so totally hawt!"
"You can land your jet on my runway any time!"
"I'd really like to sit in/on your cockpit! I'll bet it's a well-endowed cockpit...wink, wink."
If I had a magic lamp, I'd most like to watch this show in the company of Gloria Steinem, Chelsea Handler, Nancy Grace and my Big Sister. I swear I'd have to wear a Depends to keep the pee off the couch.
Have you seen it?

7 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I'd rather watch American Idle than watch that show. And i freakin' HATE American Idle.

Fran said...

This show & the idea of a competition to find a relationship is total crap.

Who the hell finds this entertaining?
The guy could be a total asshole & an axe murderer, and the girls would swoon saying "I hope he picks ME".

What a waste of time.

Distributorcap said...

never underestimate the stupidity of the american public...

Karen Zipdrive said...

HA! This site:
http://realitysteve.com/
really exposes The Bachelor as the phony piece of shit show it is.
P.S. The Bachelor ends up picking Vienna, as in sausage.

nonnie9999 said...

there's very little reality in reality tv. they just keep thinking up situations to put people in until they get a reaction that they like. it's all orchestrated to go for the biggest shock value. in spite of that, most of them are still boring. i do watch some of them, but never the bachelor.

bigsis said...

The contestants know that the worse they act, the more likely they'll get to stay on longer. Its all rigged and I can't believe women are this tragically desperate for a man.

Karen Zipdrive said...

The women on The Bachelor aren't there to find a husband. They're there to find more acting roles.
Reality TV is cheap to produce and there are millions of people with no shame who are willing to be on them.
The Biggest Loser is definitely one of them.