The Bachelor: Worst Show on TV
Originally, I would have chosen "The Girls Next Door" as the creepiest TV show ever. I mean, what could be worse than watching the 82-year old Hugh Hefner slobbering his denture breath all over three women so stupid that they missed being bimbos by about 30 IQ points?
But after seeing only 11 minutes of The Bachelor, I'm convinced the women vying for the affection of this Opie Taylor-esque cornball bachelor named Jake Pavelka, are the most insipid women on Earth.
The scandal for tonight is that one of the whores--ooops, I mean contestants, has been carrying on a sloppy, wet, torrid affair with one of the show's producers. The bachelor has the nerve of reacting to the news by saying, "I've never been cheated on before, and this really hurts."
WHAT!? Cheating on him, is he kidding?
This is a man who has about a dozen bikini-clad tramps humping him at a time in hopes of scoring a coveted rose.
When the girls get one on one time with Pavelka, they're already so soused on champagne they're slurring their words. They use these precious moments to say things like, "Uhh, I just want to say that, like, you are really, really a great guy that I, like, can really really see myself marrying, like forever...hahahahahah!"
"When I first saw you, I was, like, wow he's so totally hawt!"
"You can land your jet on my runway any time!"
"I'd really like to sit in/on your cockpit! I'll bet it's a well-endowed cockpit...wink, wink."
If I had a magic lamp, I'd most like to watch this show in the company of Gloria Steinem, Chelsea Handler, Nancy Grace and my Big Sister. I swear I'd have to wear a Depends to keep the pee off the couch.
Have you seen it?