Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Such Eloquence

Did you ever notice how Sarah Palin tends to talk in whirlpools that always end in some watery, patriotic platitude?
Check this out:

During her first week as a Fox News contributor, Palin was coy about the possibility of a 2012 presidential run. "You know, I'm not going to close any doors for my future, for my family's future -- don't know what's in the future, what it holds, but between now and whenever a big decision has to be made, I'm gonna do all that I can to help our country get back on the right track, and that's to get a message out there about solutions that I believe and a whole lot of Americans believe need to be plugged in," she told her audience.

After reading that quote I thought about how she might answer other questions.

Q: What are your views on health care reform?

A: Well, you gotta realize that it's all very expensive, I mean like medicine, even over the counter medicine, and the doctors and nurses and tests and all. And what we do know is we don't want government death panels or government takeovers of the health system that so valiantly has served us so beautifully well all these years, especially our beloved troops, whom I think we all believe are vital to the security of this great nation of ours, really since the beginning of time when George Washington had his roughriders defending us against the enemy at every door jamb.

Q: Why do you think the Republican party is in a better position to lead the country?

A: Well, I have toured all around the big beautiful, really fantastic nation of ours and I can say with true sureity that the vast amounts of peoples are good old fashioned family values types who believe in the Lord and the ultimate power of the families-- which includes a mom and a dad who work hard to put food on tables across this glorious nation. And of course we cannot forget the troops who sacrifice their families and their homely comforts to go to war areas and risk their lifes and limbs to protect the people back home. And that's really what it's all about: the red white and blue flag flappin' over hillsides and seasides and the town hall buildings and really just about every town and city you go to.

Q: Who do you consider the greatest leader in the Senate?

A: Well, there are a lot of really, really great Republican Senators who work really with great diligence to serve the amazing people of these United States of America.
And the best ones are those ones that step forward and support our troops in as many ways as they possibly can, ya know? What we don't need are liberals who want to cut the troops and keep them from performing their proper war duties in defending this great nation of ours. Because, you know, that's what REAL Americans truly want to see.


Vincent Truman said...

Seriously brilliant!

-Vincent Truman

Lulu Maude said...

One of your best!

nonnie9999 said...

remember when your mom told you not to cross your eyes, because they'd stick that way? stop channeling princess sarah, or your brain might stick that way, and you won't say another coherent thing ever again!!! a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Her problem is simple--she's a comma whore.
When she's asked a question she meanders all over the fucking place until she's used enough words to make it seem like she's answering the question. Then she ties it up with a bow by ending it with some patriotic horseshit.
The Cracker Barrel/Fox News watching types eat that shit up.

deb said...

Karen, I'm waiting for you to publish a book of all the things you've written while channeling people. I'd read it cover to cover! :)

bigsis said...

You could submit that and say you interviewed her while she was tourin' this great country and I'll bet no one would doubt you. Perfection Zip.

nonnie9999 said...

there were some stories about her screwing around with todd's business partner, so she just might be a common whore. oh, you said comma whore. never mind!

nonnie9999 said...

hey zippy, come on over. i have a post about one of your favorite people. i was thinking of you while i was making the poster.

Fran said...

I damned near choked on my lunch when I saw an article in today's newspaper that this bitch is coming to MY town in April.
It's always best to just mingle w people who agree.... so this will be a fundraiser dinner @ the Hilton-- registered republicans only & they refuse to disclose how much a plate @ this shindig will cost.

What the hell was she thinking???
Coming to a Blue State in a Lib'ral college town?

Oh she'll get a welcome alright.
A freaking major protest.

People should dress up as giant tomatoes carrying signs saying Quitter? You Betcha!

Good thing I have a little time to think up some snappy sign slogans for the Queen of Wink.

If you think of some-- let me know.

Lulu Maude said...

She can't be coming to your town, Fran... she's probably going to Springfield, right?

Fran said...

Lulu~ Springfield ain't got no Hilton.

The concern is she is palling around w the republican party- I don't want her gettin' any ideazzz about bein' prezident.

david scott said...

"Support Our Troops." Used early in the invasion and occupation of Iraq as a counter to the growing anti-war movement, this patriotic slogan has since undergone a metamorphosis. As the scores of mentally disturbed soldiers return from the battle fields to their home-towns and try to re-integrate into society, their friends and families are learning that no amount of support can ever heal the psychological wounds that soldiers suffer. Don't tell me they are fighting for my freedom, because that is pure garbage! I invite you to my political discussion blog: I especially like to receive comments from those who disagree with me…

Karen Zipdrive said...

Good luck finding someone to disagree with you around here, David.
Supporting the troops to me means only using them when all else fails, fitting them out with state-of-the-art armor & equipment, and treating them well once they become veterans.
This tin soldier mentality all the rich old white politicians have stinks. Their kids need to serve if they vote to deploy troops anywhere.