Stay in Long Beach, Greaseball
Reports say this greasemonkey/cheating slob wants to pull up stakes and move to Austin.
Austin is Sandra Bullock's town, chump. She owns a restaurant, a shop and a home there, so she already has dibs on it.
Jesse James, if you insist on moving to a town where Sandra owns a home, I suggest you move to New Orleans. The Lower 9th Ward is your kind of place, and the rents are cheap.
I've taken the liberty of finding you a place to stay in NOLA while you house-hunt. This open air resort features wildlife, Gulf breezes and plenty of fun loving ladies for your cultural pleasures.
So skip Austin, loser, and move to a place you deserve.