Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Secret Diary of George W. Bush

Dear dairy,
I tell ya what, this booktour is a whole lotta hard work.
First off, I gotta keep all the facts straight when I answer to the pundints' questions, or else, I end up on the huffington post looking like some kinda dumbass.
But one really good idea was adding that story about Ma showing me that dead baby in the maynnaise jar. I think it showed the people how impressionistick I was as a boy and how it moulded my strong chararter in General as a grownup.
I went on Ophars show, and, man I thought she was really gonna stick it up my ass what with her being in love with Obama, and all, but she really went for the tears and all that schtick my people told me to pull so shed go easy on me and she did.
Man, I thought she was almost gonna make me some chicken and corn bread before it was all over. And she didnt come out an say it but I think she thinks Conyay West is a asshole just like I do.
Anyhow; this tour is turning out to be really good because i am reminding the fans what a patriot I am and how many really hard decision points i had to make as #43.
And I was sure to jab in there the bit about feeling sorry that the photographer took my pic in air force one as i was looking at the katrina damage from way far above it all. Because I didnt want to drain resources and all that. Whatever.
And man I've really been sticking it to Dick Chainey, also too. Now people know for sure he was not the boss of me and that I served at his pleasure, not the other way around, as the old saying use to go.
And I tell them sure I really love Sara Palin because them teabaggers will read any book about their idle Sara Palin!!! Do I hope she becomes president oneday? HA!HA!HA! who gives a shit?
Anyways, thats my dairy entrance for today. I'll try to write more pretty soon when I'm not out their selling a tons of my new book. But one thing is for sure: the kind of money this book is makeing for me makes the jack I made at the Whitehouse look like chicken scratch.
I may even haul off and write a nother one soon since this one has been so lucr lukr much of a moneymaker for me.!!!


nonnie9999 said...

wow! he writes more intelligently that i gave him credit for. he even spelled a few words correctly. his diary is much better than those excerpts from his book.

South Austin Viceroy said...

I went to the 1/2 priced books on South Lamar here in yellow dog democrat town Austin today. I found George's book and I purchased it. I then went to Torchy's Tacos and had 3 of their charizo/jalapeno/bell pepper breakfast tacos.

When I got home, I forget that I had failed to purchase tee-pee paper for my casa at the HEB. Well, my ass was hurting and I took a personal moment to move my bowels and I was out of paper. So I used part of Chapter 12 of George's book.

My butt is at a loss as to how I helped to solve the war.

Lulu Maude said...

All that, and pretty much plagiarized, too!


bigsis said...

W's a moron and damn proud of it.

Madeline said...

today has sucked. this just made my day.

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

I love your Diary series KZ, especially being in need of a belly laugh these last few days. ( You know why..nuff said)

So in closing...I simply adore and love you woman! You always make my day in some form or fashion. ;)

Karen Zipdrive said...

Viceroy, if I tried to eat even one chorizo/jalapeno/bell pepper taco I think my gut would explode on the spot.
We're talking flammable gas here, brother.

Anonymous said...

Well executed. Damned funny. You have to slam your head into something afterwards to shut that moronic voice off in your head too, I know,... Worth every tylenol though. Again I salute your W-think.