Friday, November 26, 2010

Tom Delay's To Do List

1. Ask Dick DeGuerin if he'll take non-sequential, unmarked cash payments.
2. Tell Perry I'll let him blow me if he pardons me.
3. Ask somebody what it costs to open a used car business in Sugarland.
4. Time to renew exterminator license.
5. Call ABC and ask if convicted felons can vote on Dancing With the Stars.
6. Put dancing costumes for sale on e-bay.
7. Ask somebody what it costs to open up a dance lesson studio.
8. Try to get my own reality show like Palin's.
9. Go on Glenn Beck's show and cry louder than he does.
10. Write an Op Ed piece about left wing media bias.
11. Find out what it costs to get a tea party membership.
12. Ask all those TX GOP guys I got elected for my money back.
13. Ask ABC if they are planning an 'All Stars' Dancing With the Stars show.
14. Ask about getting on Skating With the Stars.
15. Write a book about Jesus, Politics and Redemption
16. Call Bravo and see if they'll start a Real Housewives of Houston and get the wife to go on it. ($$$!)
17. Check on prices for a used exterminator van.
18. Check sofa cushions, jackets and pants for spare change.
19. Put Palin on Facebook friends list.
20. Learn to do the Twitter.


Anonymous said...

Ooh, ooh, I know!

The correct answer is #2.

Tommy better be careful, though.

Gov.BigHair would prolly fall in LUV or sumpthin'....

Karen Zipdrive said...

I think Perry prefers slim, blond, feminine types of guys.
At least that's what one of his boyfriends looked like.

nonnie9999 said...

21. sign up for celebrity rehab with dr. drew, just in case the appeal is dismissed, and i have to throw myself on the mercy of the court. this way, i can say it wasn't me, but the alcohol/drugs/porn/gambling that made me do it, and rehab proves that i'm working hard to make sure i don't re-offend.

Anonymous said...

Personal preferences aside, I'm pretty sure power is what makes Perry's dick hard.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Good one, Nonnie.

Iain said...

Hopefully hair dye (or tape for the wig) is classed as contraband in jail. Just makes an old con look older, Tom.

Fran said...

Hang head in shame.

Be a contestant on Amazing Race w Abramoff or
Bernie Madoff.

That or Dancing with the Felons-- gambling on the winners will pay for the show... rather than vote for someone, you pay to get the worst contestants booted off.

Distributorcap said...

22. show all the prisoners all the things they can do with a can of Raid

South Austin Viceroy said...

23. Go to the local Cabela's in Sugarland and pick up a Browning 9 MM and a box of ammo. Then, travel to Speck's in Hwy 59 and purchase a bottle of whisky.

Return home, get drunk, and cap himself in the head.

More likely is Rick Perry will pardon him and run around in Speedos in his rental house in Westlake yelling "wheee."

The beauty is that even if he is pardoned, he's still a convicted felon. One less Teatard fuc__ing voter.

bigsis said...

#24 Pay my Republican legislative buddies to change that stupid Texas law that prohibits convicted felons from getting a pest control license.

Karen Zipdrive said...

LOL Sis! He can't even get a Texas fishing license with felonies on his record.