Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Secret Diary Of Sarah Palin, Authoress

Aww jeeze here I go again on another book tour!!!
LOL!! When it came down to booktouring or taking care of Todd and all those those doggone kids, I got busy on my PeeCee and penned another great book, only with a little help from a "freindly ghost" (writer!LOL!)
Sure I could of stayed in Alaska but my public needs me like a fish needs a dog-gone glass of water. And speaking of fish, I caught a 25 pound halibut; well, it was for my new show so I didnt catch it per say but thru the magic of television it looked like I caught him. Anyhow, he was on deck wiggling his little heart out so I had to get my trusty seal club and bop him until the deed was did. Moreon that later.
Of course the leftwing media pundints went nucular over it like I was murdering someone like a human or something. Because they have to buy there halibut for a gajillion dollars a lb. at the market. Jealous much?! LOL!!
Actually I saw alot of simularities between that fish and my self; some times I feel like I'm about to be clubbed and eaten by you're average media type, irregardless of my stature as a former VeePee candidate.
So anyways, I jetted down to El Lay as much as I could of had time for; to watch Bris on Dancing with the Stars and my oh my what a star she turned into right before my eyes. Her costumes were a little on the risquay side but I asked her how she expected to find a new man all wrapped up like a Morman.
Anyways, she really improved but the left wing judges always gave her the bottom of the wrung scores because their soooo jealous of what shes always have.
Even though shes all ways been a little volumptious (that danm eskimo blood of Todds!!) she looked smokin hot out there with her partner Mark Balast. I wonder what kinda name Balast is, is it jewish or gay or what? Bris and me discussed it but we really cant tell whether hes "light in his loafers" or not. LOL! John McC taught me that one! LOL!
So anyways, some stupid pundint asked me if I thought I could beat Obama and I said heck yeah!! I should of said MYOB! LOL!!!
So Im keeping it on the QT but this booktour is sorta a fishing expedishion to feel the waters for a possible bid for the oval office come 2012 Time.
I dont know why they call it oval because in the pictres I seen it seems more round to me. Whatever!! LOL.
Oh I forgot to tell u the latest media attack against my family and I. My show Sarah Palins Alaska debewed debet opened with a huge audience, the hugest in the history of the channel its on, but week two the audience ALLEDGEDLY dropped by 40%. What a load of hockey pucks!!! Its a great show featuring all the grandure of my beautiful state with a lot of wholesome family values like fishin and huntin and all that good stuff. And of coarse the kids n Todd just luv being around me. Ever since I started earning the breadwinner; everyone in the Family really has been toeing the line with me--or no free trips or designer lables or a new snow machines every year for Todd; and your darn tootin' they know I mean business.
The media also asked me if Id let that _itch Katy Curick interview me again and I blasted em! I said "no way would I waste my time on her ever again!!!" Payback is a _itch, Baby!!! LOL! Heck I may as well go on Rachel Meadows' show and let her make googoo eyes at me!!! Or Keith Oberman!! Hes truely evil!!!
Anyways, Willow is making supper because tonite is the big nite---when Bris wins that gorgeous mirror ball trophy for being the best dancing with the stars dancer.
Shes (Willow's) makeing another salmon casserole which I am getting tired of but it beats me having to do it!!!LOL!
And Piper is being a good mama's little helper with that baby and all. Shes almost acting like he is her baby!! But of course shes too young to be anybodies mother.
Willow is another storey, but thats a subject for another day. Kids in Alaska sure grow up quick, thats all I can have the liberty of saying right now.
Anyways, I will be going to all the red states to sign my autographs on all those books, and this time I made them make a sign that says SIGNED COPYS CAN NOT BE RETURNED FOR REFUND OR EXCHANGE. We learned that one the hard way last go around. LOL!!
TaTa for now, dear diary. Maybe I should start calling it a journal, since I am a journalist n' all. "The Journal of Sarah Palin" hmm that has a good ring to it. LOL!!


nonnie9999 said...

i have tina fey's voice in my head. you need to publish these diaries and have tina read the audiobook.

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

'that baby' I swear to Buddha you ain't kidding with that phrase woman!

I adore you KZ, you are so damn good at these diaries...why in the blue hell doesn't one of the big blogs pick this up? We all need to be able to laugh through our tears and this does it for me today!

Hugs and enjoy your family!

Distributorcap said...

this was masterful....... down to all the spelling errors that La Palina would do....

you know that SP really hates those kids - they are such necessary annoyances to get elected

that is the next secret diary

KarenZipdrive said...

I disagree that she hates those kids. How can you hate anyone you barely know?

Fran said...

Ohhh poor Sarah P must be beside herself that Bristol lost the DWTS game. I could not believe that Monday night flop with the goofy shoes. Her partner was doing 7 + foot moves & she would do one jump in the meantime.
It was downright painful to watch.
Sarah may as well get some velcro attached to her forehead so she can hold the woe is me pose, as she talks about how the media was so mean to her daughter. Poor poor thing.
they have always been victims you know... and then there's the "haters".
But even Babbs Bush said she thinks Palin should stay in Alaska!
Ha! Who'da thunk any of us might ever agree with Babbs???

Anyway.... Sarah is enjoying her make believe world, where she just reads pre fabbed speeches. No questions. No media. Hell she even pre authorizes which photos are released.

Good luck with all that shit in the real world Palin.

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

KZ...they convicted HotTub Tommy!

nonnie9999 said...

hey zippy, just dropped by to wish you and bigsis and your family a happy thanksgiving. i look forward to your review of the meal.

Karen Zipdrive said...

The meal was great and big and I am still full.
Probably because I just had a big plate of leftovers and more pie.

oink oink

nonnie9999 said...

i just had some leftovers, too. oink, oink back atcha.

The Conductor said...

this. just. made. my. life. :D