Sunday, June 29, 2008

Writing His Own Speeches Now

With his approval ratings circling the drain, George W. Bush has fired all his speech writers and decided from now on to write his own speeches and statements.
The crack investigative team at Pulp Friction has uncovered this draft of an all-purpose speech he intends to give during his international farewell tour.

My felow Americans:

I am visiting (insert there countrys name here) in order to insure my legicy in history.
Its real hard hard work to be the presidency as you must of noticed by now.
With my fabulous team of secretarys like Big Time Dick Cheny, Condi Rice-a-Roni, Bobby "get er done" Gates, Mikey Mouthpiece Moocasey, and the fabulous Cherky Chertoff amongst others, we have all endeavored very hardly to provide the upmost servicing of our country.
Sure, we have been throwed alot of hardballs.
But what is important was to have the hand of Jesus Christ whispering in my ear for guidunce from the git go.
I guess history will judge my presidencie because right now most people including your peoples think the jurys are still out regarding my presidencie.
What you dont know is its been hard hard work to get the democrat congress to get along with the programs which I know is best for everyone in our country and the worlds country, too.
We are fighting the terrorists locally and a broad, which includes you. This is not a time for being chicken. We have all the bombs and bullets and fabulous militerry people to back up anything which I say must be done, that of course is told to me by my militerry leaders in the ground.
Thats why I think my predissesser John McCain will be a good stewardess for our future. As a once admiral who was a POW in Korea, he understands the fabulous job it takes to be a militerry and also too the bravry it take's to do it.
And so I tell you all, it is with the upmost important to stay the coarse with your alleys in America. We think your fabulous partners with a really good tasting cuisine to go with it.
And I leave you with this, God Bless America, and while hes at it, God Bless your'e America to.


Lulu Maude said...

Oh. I thought that was a coloring book.

karenzipdrive said...

No, his Fisher Price PC has word processing but he prefers to color in a regular book, with his 64Crayolas.

Germaine Gregarious said...

Darling, I'm afraid you and I might be the 'broads' he's fighting against.

Did you hear that in Europe he was busily apologizing for his legacy? A story not well covered here in the US. Quelle Suprise.

dguzman said...

OMG this is so dead-on. It's like you were the the hand that was whispering in his ear.

Pure gold, Zip. Nice work!

BrettInPDX said...

"...was to have the hand of Jesus Christ whispering in my ear for guidunce..."

A Zipdrive Classic certain to outlast anything this moron-in-chief might hope to contribute to the historical record. Bravo, Karen!

FranIAm said...

Gud bluss Amurka!

This is too freaking funny sister.

'Ceptin' its true!

Dusty said...

What dguzman said. :)

bigsis said...

Oh Germaine, thanks for the tip on Bush apologizing to Europeans. We never got to hear about Bush having regrets about his legacy. What a weasel.

Distributorcap said...

and you know
the congress would still stand and applaud.

and nancy would be the first on her feet

karenzipdrive said...

And so would Obama, after he tries to explain his FISA vote and his new plans to include Bush-style faith based initiatives in his presidency.
Damn- he's doing double time trying to catch up with Hillary's pandering to the right.
He was wise to wait till he was the only horse in the Democratic race, but what a clown he's turning out to be.

Dusty said...

Clown? Nah..pandering Pol oh hell yes.

I ain't gonna say I told ya so to his legions of followers but I hate that I am right about him. Just another pandering bag of batshit Obama is..

Karen Zipdrive said...

Dusty, correct me if I'm wrong but I seem to recall a lot of Hillary bashing from your blog.
I was always under the impression you weren't an Obama fanatic, but you preferred him over Hillary.
I dunno, I read so many blogs they sometimes run together and I get confused about who said what and when.
But I seem to recall...

Dusty said...

Yes, I posted about ol Hill..and yes on occasion took her to task for some of the blatant bullshit she pulled during the campaign.

I have not supported Obama. I voted for Kucinich in our primary even though he had dropped out of the race by then.

I have steadfastly maintained that I will not vote for him in Nov. I will, as I usually do, write in the name of my favorite cat..good ol Scooter Lee.

Hope that clears it up KZ.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Thank you, Dusty.
However, I wish you'd reconsider doing a write-in vote.
We need even a phony Democrat on office just to give the House and Senate some breathing room in terms of the war and global warming.
I can send you noseplugs if that would help.

Dusty said...

Ya know, I thought about voting for him if McCain's numbers were close..but after the FISA and faith-based bullshit..I can't KZ. Its the same shit just a different politician.

I feel nothing will change if and when a Dem wins the WH in Nov. And furthermore, I bet "They" already probably have their excuses ready too..for why they can't give us Universal Healthcare, why they can't pull out of Iraq and all the other promises they will renege on.