Pulp Friction's newest crack reporter, on loan from DistributorCap NY, has unearthed the secret journal of newly seated Senator Scott Brown!
Scottie Brown here--the new standard bearer for Ted and Jack Kennedy's Senate seat.
It is my first week in Washington and boy is this place hard to navigate.
The subway is confusing - I don't think it stops near any good bookstores.
And remember Mark Foley - well he told me ever since Larry Craig left there is no one on the Hill that has a list of the best men's rooms around town.
With all the corporate money I am going to get, maybe that is a good first project for me. I did get a box of Pampers from Vitter and some bronzing spray from Boner (his note said tan lines are so New England).
Rumor has it that our leaders - Beck and Limbaugh -want me to meet and "get to like" (if you know what I mean) Sarah Palin. They say we'll make the perfect Ken and Barbie ticket. Problem, while I know I have genitalia, I wonder if Sarah has any. Todd looks a little frazzled all the time lately (maybe he knows which is a better airport bathroom to meet Taylor Lautner - Dulles or Reagan National?). Before I even meet Sarah, Rush has to know that I will play second fiddle to some moronic skirt - unless he stocks my C Street room with Dominican boys and Viagra - then I'll gladly consider being on the bottom (har har, if you what I mean - wink wink). I meant bottom of the ticket.
By the way, that Martha Coakley was no MILF like Sarah. I bet she couldn't even get Vitter to do her in his diaper. No wonder I won - all I had to do was show a few pubes - and voila - instant victory. I wanted to show the full monty - but Rove and Jonah Goldberg (my double super secret campaign managers) said they wanted to win. Besides, Levi didn't show his and look how far he has gotten (then again I bet there is no comparison to me!).
You know, that Adam Schock is pretty hot.
And this week I get to have my official Senate picture taken. If Everett Dirksen can show his wiener, so can I. I plan on keeping the fans apprised of my progress here in DC. This is gonna be one giant pahty (Sounds just like Hahvahd Yahd).
P.S. Last time I got a hummer in the car, I didn't drive off a bridge.