Monday, February 22, 2010

Oh, Fer Chrissakes



It seems some busybody doctors are calling for hot dog weenies to be redesigned so they don't pose such a choking hazard for little kids.
Puleeze.
First of all, weenies are known gut-bombs, made of random animal parts we do not like to even think about. Why would anyone feed their little kid one anyway? They have zero nutritional value!
Second of all, if the kid is that little, the parent should cut the weenie up into little chunks anyway.
Redesigning a weenie to look more like a hamburger is a really stupid idea. It's design is just fine as it is, damn it.
And here's my best hot dog recipe.
1 Kosher weenie
1 bun
1 squiggle of yellow mustard
1 squiggle of ketchup
1 plop of relish
...and maybe a few chopped white onions
No need to redesign it, fools.

7 comments:

nonnie9999 said...

one of my fondest childhood memories is going to kaplan's and getting a hotdog at the walk-up window (before the days of drive-throughs). the buns got soggy from the sauerkraut, and the hotdog crackled when you bit through the casing. that's still the perfect hotdog for me--kosher dog, some mustard, hot sauerkraut, and a fresh soggy bun. damn, i just had dinner, and now i'm hungry again!

Iain said...

That looks so tasty, but I can't really appreciate a hot-dog after hearing them described as being made of, "eyeholes, earholes, and arseholes". Yummmmmmm.

Karen Zipdrive said...

If you stick with Kosher dogs, the eyeholes and earholes are skipped.
With my dating record, I kinda like arseholes.

okjimm said...

Wowzers... there are a few Weenies in my office I would like to redesign !!!
Boy&Howdy..... I gag just looking at them!

bigsis said...

Maybe next they can grow bananas to look like the safe and less phallic looking apple.

My best hot dog story is from my first trip to Chicago. A Chicago dog from a cart in the parking lot of some famous place. They put finely shredded lettuce, and chopped up tomatoes, onions and all the other regular hot dog condiments. I recall thinking I'd never really had a hot dog before that one.

Madeline said...

well. I don't eat land animals. So I guess I'm safe! Whew! There's one worry gone. I know I won't choke on a hotdog... now I have to worry about fishsticks!

Fran said...

Maybe they are onto something here... since really ALL food poses some kind of choking hazard, maybe everything should be required to be pureed???

Reminds me of the McLawsuit that requires cups to say" Caution the hot beverage you ordered is Hot!"

Ok well my kid once choked on an egg roll in a Chinese restaurant & I actually had to do the Heimlich maneuver on him. (only time I ever had to use it!).... but it works.... the stuck egg roll came flying out as if in slow motion!

Some other Mom at the next table motioned she'd wiped her brow, having watched the whole thing happen.

I kid him about having saved his life.

How about they just imprint the Heimlich maneuver & choking first aid instructions on all food purchases???

Gaaa!