Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Eliminating Clutter Starts in the Mind



I just started a new business and it requires a lot of thought, focus and juggling of facts and figures.
After a year of easy, breezy freelancing as a magazine and web site writer, now
I have to deal with contracts, lawyers, accountants, taxes and people. Lots of different people.
I no longer have the luxury of having a cluttered mind.
How does a clutter-minded person unclutter? That's been the big question since I started this business.
It's fun to have useless thoughts when living a leisurely life, such as:

-I don't care what anyone says, actress Gabourey Sidibe is way too young to be that fat. She's going to kill herself way too early if she doesn't drop about 100 pounds. I'm not exactly a stick myself, but I'm not prancing around, acting like I think I'm hot.

-Tiger Woods hiring Ari Fliesher to handle his PR was so stupid. Who would want George Bush's paid liar to be their mouthpiece? An idiot, that's who.

-If you drive in the fast lane and even one single car passes you on the right, move the fuck over and stay out of the fast lane, ya big stupid.
If you drive a Prius you're already saving gas. There's no reason to drive 50 mph and under so you can save more gas, you cheapskate.

-Buzz Aldren is 80. Watching him on Dancing With the Stars is gross, not just because he can't dance worth a shit, but because he leers at his dance partner like a dirty old perve. I'll bet he used that man on the moon bit to get a ton of poontang back in the day.

-Miley Cyrus isn't even 21 yet, but to me she already looks like tired old trailer trash. And her voice sounds like 20 years of bourbon and Marlboro abuse. She's totally icky.

-Seriously, Amy Winehouse calls her lady bits a "va-jew-jew." Eeeuuww.

Anyway, I'll probably always stay current with current events, so that clutter gets to stay.
But the clutter that had to go was anger and resentment.
Many of you know I was recently sued by an idiot pothead ex-friend of mine. I was determined to fight her to the bitter end, convinced I'd prevail in court. But then I thought, why set myself up for 6 weeks of daily anger and resentment? So I gave her what she wanted and now it's done. Now that it's history, and she's history, I have nothing more to resent. It's over.
My faucet in the front yard was dripping. I tried to fix it and failed. So I called Lupe my yard guy and asked him to fix it. He replaced the faucet and now it's fixed.
More uncluttering.
I had a huge property tax bill that was due. I paid it. It's done.
Now I have no resentments or angry distractions to think of.
Seriously, it helps me think more clearly.
Anger, they say, is like drinking poison and hoping they die.
Toxic relationships don't always have to end in a huge conflagration; sometimes they can just fizzle out and turn to dust.
I had a business partner who had so many other irons in the fire, her participation in building this new company was decreasing to an alarming extent.
I was starting to resent her, and resent that she would be getting 50 percent of the profits while doing only 20 percent of the work.
So I sat her down and gently explained what the deal was.
She started bickering about money, so I continued to gently explain why she'd make a better sales agent than full partner. Finally, she realized that I was being fair and honest with her, and she agreed with my decision. One more clutter issue I eliminated.
Now, I'm no Oprah, but I know that holding resentments and anger take up space that could be used for optimism, ambition and joy.
Having decluttered my mind by handling all the niggling little annoyances, I'm feeling serene and free.
Tell me how you deal with anger and resentments.

10 comments:

Fran said...

What an interesting post. Please don't ever bring up Amy Winehouse's anything again. I will be tasting throw up in my mind all day as it is.

What you say about resentments taking up space is so true. It is also like carrying a heavy load - it exhausts you, so that being tired and cranky fuel fires of anger and resentment.

As you know I find much refuge in my faith. This does not mean being some little effed up sunbeam for Jesus but rather having my prayer and meditation as a space for expressing a lot of my anger. That might sound antithetical, but it is true. If I believe that God made me and knows me, God knows when I am fucking furious and dropping f-bombs galore.

I also have learned to be clearer with people and to say what I mean. It is a challenge to say what is true versus just spewing my anger all over someone.

There are two people that I can think of that infuriate me if I allow them. You know who they are Karen. It is interesting that I have not met either of them.

Mostly I try to examine what I bring to the party. Either way, it means saying what needs to be said if possible and it also means letting it go and walking away.

Karen Zipdrive said...

I should have mentioned God in my post. I pray several times a day- mostly for guidance but also the simple prayer, "I will to do thy will."
I have a very Republican view of faith: I got mine, now you go get your own.
Thanks, Fran.

bigsis said...

First I determine if I can afford to buy my way out of whatever's bugging me. If I can, I do it.

If I can't, I figure out a way to disarm the person trying to gaslight me. If that doesn't work then I make plans to remove myself from the situation or person.

I no longer force myself to tolerate toxic people in my life because as Bonnie Raitt wisely sang, "life gets kinda precious, when there's less of it to waste."

Lulu Maude said...

Release.

nonnie9999 said...

i was hoping you were watching dancing with the stars, zippy! i can't wait to hear what you think about the shopping cart, kate whateverhernameiswiththestretchedoutvajayjay.

by the way, ari fleischer quit on tiger. apparently, a guy getting his dinky stinky with anything with a vajayjay is more difficult to propagandize than someone who gets people into needless wars.

Lulu Maude said...

Can't Tiger play the terrorist card? You know--my dick gets jumpy when I think of all the terrorists that might be crowding the putting green...

Fran said...

I did well not to fly cross country & kick my sister's ass. She acts like she owns my Mom (in a care facility), but I came to find out she has her drugged into a stupor. She tried to tell me I am not allow to speak or think, in some effed up meltdown phonecall.
Yea, well that was both annoying & distraction, but rather than get into it with superbitch, I went right over her head. Talked w the care facility & Moms Doctor.
I literally had my own fist pump moment.
It's what my Mom would have done.....
who do you think you are???
Then take action & bypass the douchebag.
I was supposed to tremble in fear.
No sale.

I figured, she's already a lost cause & pissed off, so why should I care about her ego?
Mom needed an advocate.

I've learned rather than take the bait in a heated situation. Give myself time to think it through.

I resent a whole long list of issues w her, but a wise mentor told me.... do not expect to get an orange from a (crab) apple tree.

I try to work around her, and will not be the doormat.

I clash with managers & such who think they are somehow better.
I once had a supervisor say he is my "superior", in a meeting.
I clarified- supervisor yes, superior, no.

He was an award winning douche.

Resentment.... I try to either find a fix, or tell myself to let it go. Sometimes letting stuff go is the better thing to do for yourself.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Fran, sibling fallouts can be so toxic and harmful to your soul.
At some point or another I have had serious disputes with my siblings, and I understand your position.
But I can say with all certainty, it's far better to have loving relationships with them because family is so important as an emotional base.
I wish I could offer advice as to how to heal things with your sister, but sometimes it takes something major to do it.
I wish you well.

dguzman said...

I'm really lucky: no one's fucked me over lately. LIFE has been throwing me some fastballs, but so far I've been lucky/smart/prepared enough to get some base hits.

When I do get angry or resentful, I usually try to forgive; sometimes it's hard, but I have managed to forgive some pretty big hurts against me. Damage is usually done, and those friendships usually fade, but I try to take the high road; it's usually the other person who pulls away. Maybe they realize what assholes they were?

Dusty said...

Anger, they say, is like drinking poison and hoping they die. never heard that one..hmmm.

I yell alot and watch the Ball n Chain and all the animals run for cover with horrified looks oon all their faces..it's quite entertaining and puts me in a better mood