Sunday, March 14, 2010

Random Thoughts

-My Big Sis told me that dogs and cats like to be stroked rather than patted because stroking feels like someone's licking them, and patting, well, they don't know what the hell's up with that.
-If you watch enough of The Millionaire Matchmaker on the Bravo channel, you might not ever want to date anyone again, even if they are really rich.
-If you go to a restaurant really hungry, you always end up ordering more than you can ever finish. I learned that yesterday when I accidentally ordered enough food to feel a small African nation. Next time, I will order half of what I think I want, then order more if I still feel hungry, which I know I won't.
-The nice thing about a spiky haircut is you can wake up with bed-head and nobody can tell the difference.
-People who drive too slow in the fast lane should expect other drivers to consider them idiots and treat them accordingly. Chances are, if you're in a dirty brown or gold mini van, you have no business ever being in the fast lane, for any reason.
-Conversely, if you're driving 85 in the fast lane and another car zooms up behind you, it's best to move over and let them pass. They may have to get somewhere fast.
-If people from the Middle East don't like racial profiling at airports, they should talk to their terrorist buddies and tell them their radical politics are fucking things up for them.
-Sometimes the best solution to a pressing problem is a nice, long nap.
-We Americans really should come up with some sort of boycotting movement for American companies that outsource jobs. I have nothing against Indians, I just don't like them up in my financial bidness.
-We all know that tomatoes no longer have as much flavor as they used to, but I've been noticing that bananas don't, either.
-French is a hard language to learn or understand.
-There's really no excuse for crusty foot soles or icky toenails.
-I watched the movie "Coco Before Chanel" last night and realized Coco Chanel was the Mother of comfy clothes and pants for women.
-If you start clipping their nails when they are puppies and kittens, by the time they grow up they are used to it and won't lacerate you.
-In Texas, you might sleep with an electric blanket on Saturday and need air conditioning on Sunday.
-When I'm craving pancakes, I always wait for a week or so before I give in. Also, pancakes made at home are usually nowhere as good as they are at a restaurant.
-People who include Bible verses in random e-mails should have to get written permission from the recipient before doing it.
-Daylight Savings Time used to be a money saver but it's not anymore, so it should be discontinued.
-I want to invent something that will turn down my neighbors' crappy music when it annoys me.
-Someone needs to redesign Weedeaters so the trimming cord & its mechanism works more efficiently.
-A nutrition guy on Oprah the other day said we shouldn't eat anything our great grandmothers wouldn't recognize as food, or any ingredients a 3rd grader can't pronounce. I guess that leaves out Gogurt, tofu and kiwi fruit, not to mention mono sodium glutamate.
-If politicians wanted to solve our budget woes, they'd legalize pot and casinos in every state, and tax the shit out of them.
-I like Rhianna a lot but her nasal singing voice is sort of annoying.
-Same with Shakira--that vibrato is off-putting.
-People only get their tarot cards read or visit fortune tellers when things are fucked up in their lives.

Please, add to the randomness if you'd like.


jadedj said...

I need to digest this. My brain hurts and I need to rest it. Back manana because there is mucho, mas, much herein.

nonnie9999 said...

so much wisdom! i would add that pancakes are always a disappointment. they never taste as good as they look. prostitution should also be legalized, taxed, and regulated. if 'the pacific' is half as good as 'band of brothers,' the wait for the new season of 'big love' will be bearable. that puppy in the pic is too adorable.

p.s. i used your name on the cover of the latest dvd cover at the raisin. it's about texas, so your review was a natural fit.

Fran said...

You leave me speechless with awe and wonder. That's as random as I can get with you.

Of course, I don't have the heart to be honest with you and just say that once I outgrew random, everything changed for me.

Just sayin'.

Distributorcap said...

i think if you go to the dominican republic to get boys and oxy and viagra you should be send to somalia for a real nice vacation

just a random thought

Fran said...

• People who make appliances need to stop putting clocks on everything.
• Corporations suck, & they suck the lifeblood out of employees.
• I must have developed a phobia for doing taxes, I keep avoiding doing them.

Karen Zipdrive said...

I keep a wall clock in my bathroom and the minute hand fell off.
I thought about taking it down, but then I realized all I really need to know is that it's one-ish or ten-ish.
Self employment is a good thing!

bigsis said...

If that cute little puppy belonged to me I wouldn't be able to decide whether to name him Jack Elam or Marty Feldman.