Saturday, March 06, 2010

Like Nails on a Chalkboard

I dunno, maybe because there's not much else on TV Monday nights, but I unintentionally got sucked into watching this season of ABC's The Bachelor.
Though I'd read spoilers that predicted Jake the bachelor would end up picking Vienna, whose crossed eyes, horse teeth, fake boobs, drooping schnozzola and dark circles under her eyes had nothing on her creepy, back stabbing, manipulative, man-eater personality.
Rumor has it, she was briefly married to some poor schnook who was serving in Iraq when she emptied out his bank account to finance a boob job, then she unceremoniously divorced him.
The Internet contains thousands of pictures of her getting drunk off her ass in a million different bars, a la Girls Gone Wild videos.
But Vienna was not the only reason this season of The Bachelor drove me insane.

Reason #2 was Jake himself. It's okay for a grown man to cry on occasion, but this pussyboy wimp cried more than a teenage girl with PMS. He cried at a beautiful sunset. He cried when he handed out roses. He cried when he had to send one of the bachelorettes home. He cried when he proposed. He cried before he bungee jumped.

Reason #3 was really the most egregious.

It was the hideous overuse of the word "journey."

"This has been an incredible journey."
"We are embarking on an amazing journey."
"I can't believe how this journey has turned out."
"I'm so glad to have been on this journey with you."
"What an unforgettable journey."
"We've had an amazing journey."
"We are about to journey into the next stage of our lives together."
"I'll have a peanut butter and journey sandwich."
"How was this journey for you?"
"I'm going to journey into the pool."
"We took a yacht on an amazing journey."
"Shall we journey to the dining room?"

After he used that word so many times, I was sort of glad he selected that horse-faced whore Vienna after all.
He as much as admitted he picked her because she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch, so the passion will last only as long as her first spoiled brat temper tantrum.
She's an awful person. It's only a matter of time before he sees her true colors.
Then they can journey their stupid asses to divorce court.

6 comments:

nonnie9999 said...

i've never watched the bachelor or the bachelorette. the vomit factor is just too high for my stomach. however, i have watched a lot of other "reality" shows, and everybody is always on some kind of damned journey. got your house redecorated? it's been an awesome journey. learned how to dance? thank you to the professional who took me on this journey. the interesting thing is that the only reality show where that word is not tortured by overuse is the amazing race, and they really do go on journeys!

Fran said...

I can't stand to watch the "b" shows. The entire concept is disgusting- a warehouse (or should I say whorehouse??) of potential mates?
For show in front of cameras?
All the backstabbing, claws & fangs.

Worse than cheesy operas.

Lulu Maude said...

You watched that? And worse, listened to it?

Time for a hobby! Any hobby!

Fran said...

Meant to say " cheesy soap operas"

Madeline said...

laughed out loud, indeed.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Lulu, I do have a hobby.
Watching trash TV is my hobby.
I also read a lot--it's just that blogs about books are called "book reports."