Yesterday my ex Cris and I went to Sam's Club to try out the new membership she gave me. I hadn't been in a Sam's Club for years and was re-amazed at all the big-ass stuff they sell.
I live alone and don't have much use for a gallon of martini olives or potato chips packaged in something the size of a cement bag, but I was still amused by the elephantine jars, boxes, bags and bottles of edible stuff.
As we shopped, it was free sample day.
We tried the whipped cream cake, tiny cheeseburgers, three kinds of sausage, rotisserie chicken, cinnamon rolls, cream puffs, meatballs, breakfast cereal, and I forget what else. I felt like a real shlub after eating all that shmutz.
For foreigners who criticize Americans about their despicable consumer greed, this is the place to illustrate it. Perhaps we should invite them over and share from our 50 pound bags of coffee and our 36-count jumbo cinnamon rolls.
Cris bought a lovely pork loin roast about three feet long and 25 inches in diameter. She's going to quarter it and make several hundred dinners from it.
I bought a sensational 2-foot-long, boned and skinned salmon filet, slathered it with maple champagne mustard and roasted it last night for dinner. Alas, my dinner guest hates fish. I am left with 18 inches of very nice roasted salmon, which I imagine I'll be loathing by Wednesday.
I also came away with an AT&T 1,000 minute phone card, which Zed and I can burn up in an afternoon. We can talk while I drink from the keg of Ocean Spray cranberry grape juice I got for five bucks.