Whoa, oh, Domino
A friend of mine told me when she and her last lover (we'll call Jeannie) first got together, Jeannie admitted to her she was still hung up on *her* last lover (who we'll call Mary), but that she'd try to get over her as the new relationship progressed.
Sure enough, Mary caught wind of Jeannie's wonderful new relationship and wanted her back.
So Jeannie reluctantly told my friend she had to go back to Mary, or she'd die wondering.
Now Jeannie is back with Mary, who is stingy with affection, sex and time.
So Jeannie frequently calls, writes or IM's my friend, and they often slip past the boundaries of platonia and exchange erotic and seductive thoughts about each other.
This results in a lose-lose-lose situation for all parties, but it's a common lesbian scenario.
The thing is, we lesbians seem to accept stale crumbs when we deserve an entirely new cake.
My ex-lover was the same way as Jeannie. She just couldn't get past her attachment to her former lover (as beastly as she was) and in the end, she returned to her.
It would have been easier at the time for me to hang in there, continue to speak with my ex and hope she'd realize the error of her ways, but the fact was I wasn't willing to take her crumbs, knowing her Neanderthal ex was still pawing her at every opportunity.
It was hard to stay away. I still loved her. I was miserable for many weeks without contact, but then a miracle happened.
Because I was willing to sacrifice immediate need for what I felt I truly deserved and wanted, I met Zed and have been enormously happy ever since.
Zed was willing to tolerate the tail end of my former relationship woes. She listened without judgment, often to the same story day after day. Her patience was soothing and endearing.
Then one day I realized I was over my ex, and if I was given the opportunity to go back to her, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't trade Zed for anyone.
I guess I am pontificating here, but my point is if we stay true to our real desires and are willing to suffer in the void, the Universe will provide us what we truly need.
Having walked in my friend's shoes, I don't judge the wisdom of her choice to remain in contact with Jeannie.
But I have reminded her that when she meets someone new, she will become Jeannie and Jeannie will likely become Mary. And the domino effect continues...