Monday, September 08, 2003

My Fried Green Tomatoes/Towanda Moment

This afternoon I was minding my own business, pulling into a parking space at a shopping center. As I pulled in, a teal blue Malibu started honking from the left side of my car. Apparently the young, female driver had eyed the spot from 100 feet away and called dibs on it from a distance.
So, I parked and she jumped out of her car and hovered next to my car- mouthing "fuck you" at me.
I sized her up and figured I could kick her ass if the need arose, so I unbuckled my seat belt, rolled up the sleeves of my T-shirt, and got out of the car as she jumped back in her Malibu and locked the door.
I walked to her rolled-up driver's side window and said, "What's the problem, nitwit?"
She replied, "You took my fucking parking spot, you fucking bitch."
Patiently, I smiled and pointed to the next aisle where two blank spots stood even closer to the entrance. "Park over there," I said.
"Fuck you, bitch, you park over there," she replied.
"I already have a spot, you park over there, potty mouth."
By then I'd had enough of the little whippersnapper.
So I laughed and kicked at her door, just hard enough to make a loud noise but not dent the surface.
That really got her pissed off, behind her locked door and rolled up window.
"You dented my car, you bitch."
Pretending I did, I replied, "Yeah, so?"
"I'm calling the cops," she warned.
"Okie dokie," I smiled. "Tell them I'll be inside, shopping."
When I finished shopping she was idling in front of the store, waiting for me.
I just looked at her, pointed and laughed as I walked by.
When I got far enough away, she rolled down her window and said, "The cops are coming, you fucking bitch!"
I just chuckled and drove away at a leisurely pace.
Poor kid, she thinks the cops come when someone calls to report a parking space tiff.
And she never knew she was messing with Towanda.

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