Thursday, September 18, 2003

Survivor Preview!

Here's a list of the contestants for Survivor Panama (previews tonight at 7 cst)and my assessment of each.
-Rupert Boneham, 39, a mentor for troubled teens, from Indianapolis. Sounds like an advice giver to me. With a name like Rupert Boneham, my guess is he got his ass kicked a lot as a teen. Guy looks like Hagrid.
-Tijuana Bradley, 27, pharmaceutical sales, from St. Louis. Name a kid Tijuana and you get a bar brawler on your hands. Afraid TJ will be the show's token angry black chick. Cool!
-Shawn Cohen, 28, advertising sales, from New York City. A nice Jewish kid from NYC with an Irish first name.
-Jon Dalton, 29, an art consultant from Danville, Va. Art consultant? Is that a real job? Seems Jon has had a little DUI history in Los Angeles. Dude!
-Nicole Delma, 25, a massage therapist from Hermosa Beach, Calif. A blonde, beach-based massage therapist? Slutty!
-Sandra Diaz-Twine, 29, an office assistant from Fort Lewis, Wash. A very sweet girl. Let's kick her ass off!
-Trish Dunn, 42, a sales executive from Annapolis, Md. Too old to be cute, too cute to be hated for being too old.
-Christa Hastie, 24, a computer programmer from Los Angeles. Token dumb blonde? She posted queries as to where to find methamphetamine on a usenet illegal drug newsgroup and used her real name. You be the judge.
-Darrah Johnson, 22, a mortician from Liberty, Miss. Woo, an attractive, enigmatic mortician. Creepy? Sultry? We'll have to wait and see.
-Lillian Morris, 51, a scout troop leader from in Cincinnati. Hey Lillian, Boy George and Annie Hall called, they want their look back.
-Ryan Opray, 31, an electrician from Los Gatos, Calif. The token hunky blue collar dude who likes to use his big Ford F150 truck to mess up peoples' lawns after a night of heavy drinking.
-Burton Roberts, 31, a marketing executive from San Francisco. What exactly is a marketing executive? Does that mean he shops a lot in San Francisco?
-Andrew Savage, 40, an attorney from Chicago. The potential Alpha Dog.
-Ryan Shoulders, 23, a produce clerk from Clarksville, Tenn. The Smoking Gun reported that this little dude uses drug newsgroups to look for good acid in Tennessee. Wow, dude.
-Osten Taylor, 27, an equity trade manager from Boston. Hmm, his name sounds a lot like Ostentatious. I'm betting he will be.
Michelle Tesauro, 22, a student from Pittstown, N.J. Poor kid has that 'too much time in the library' look. Let's kill her and eat her!

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