Eight Days To Go

Holy cow. My resurrected stage comedy act opens in eight days.
My list of things to do is daunting:
1. Lose 20 pounds
2. Get plastic surgery & liposuction
3. Get hair and make-up consultation
4. Buy new clothes and shoes
5. Write material
6. Find someone who has Valium
7. Have doctor plug-up sweat glands
8. Buy 3x5 cards (see #5)
9. Buy Rolaids
10. Call friends and beg for reassurance

This seemed like such a good idea, on paper at least.
Now I have that same feeling one gets when they've been in Mexico for three days and their stomach suddenly makes an unfamiliar, low gurgling sound.

What the hell was I thinking?!