Monday, February 07, 2005

The Surreal Life

I went to a Superbowl party last night that, mercifully, was not centered on the football game. In fact we saw the half-time snoozer with Paul McCartney, otherwise didn't watch the game at all.
What we watched instead was MTV's 'The Surreal Life, which needs a word stronger than surreal to fully describe it.
What the show does is gather up a half dozen entertainment industry has-beens and wannabes and move them into the former Mulholland Drive mansion of Glen Campbell. The house is decorated in 1970s psychedelia style, which in itself is ghastly enough to catch one's attention.
The six people in the house were Adrianne Curry (winner of the first America's Next Top Model competition), Christopher Knight (of the Brady Bunch), Go-Go's guitarist Jane Wiedlin, rap artist Da Brat, supermodel Marcus Schenkenberg, wrestling star Chyna Doll and Verne Troyer, aka "Mini-Me" from the Austin Powers movie.
Suffice it to say, pro wrestler Chyna Doll is a totally freakish drunk, and MiniMe also has some maxi alcohol abuse problems.
Chyna- who has to have more testosterone than estrogen in her body, holed up in a bedroom designed for the 2'8" little man. When she refused to give it up, the dwarf got pissed and they fought. Finally, everyone helped her move her wardrobe and her stash of several cases of hard liquor to another room.
MiniMe got drunk and naked, rode his Rascal into a hall corner and peed against the wall. In another scene he was so drunk, he was pawing at Christopher Knight like a baby looking for his mother's breast. It went way beyond creepy.
They served sushi off the naked body of Adrianne Curry. A leering, slobbering MiniMe kept tweaking her nipple, barely hidden under a sushi leaf. The model was beautiful, but who wants to eat raw fish off any woman's naked body? Bacteria much?
As a testament to the caliber of houseguests, Christopher Knight, the now grown-up Brady Bunch kid, had his shit together better than any of the others. Plus, he ended up dating the model after the show wrapped, so there was that to consider.
All in all, The Surreal Life is an intellectual tour de force and an asset to America's quest for excellence in television broadcasting.
I am so proud that satellite TV broadcasts shows like this to other countries so we have more to boast about than just George W. Bush.

No comments: