I Really Try to Like Sarah Silverman, But...
I'll admit she's occasionally funny and I loved her "schlep to Florida to see your grandparents and demand they vote for Obama" bit, but the girl makes me nervous.
She reminds me of the type who'd say something so inappropriate and gross while she's with you in public you'd die of embarrassment.
You know the type.
"This is my friend Betty. She has no uterus or ovaries so she can grow a beard in half a day."
"Say hello to my boyfriend. His penis is only 3" long and his balls smell like gefilte fish. And he constantly plays with himself while he watches bondage porn."
"Meet my boss Rick. He's fucking the receptionist and once I found his spooge on her desk. It was real stringy."
"Today my poop had corn in it and it smelled like kimchee."
"Waitress? Do you have any extra cloth napkins? I feel butt cheese in my pants and I want to get rid of it without going to the restroom."
I actually know someone like her in real life.
She's a drunk and has no boundaries. She'll say the most insulting or embarrassing things to me at dinner parties or small places like that and then she tries to act all innocent so I can't throw a plate at her.
Once we were at a bar and she stood on the toilet and peered over my stall so she could watch me pee. Then she told everyone how much it pissed me off.
I used to work with her and during a staff meeting and she asked me if I was still dating that hot, crazy chick. I wasn't out yet, but that's really something I'd rather do for myself.
We went to Laredo, Mexico once and she expected me to walk over the border checkpoint with her while she had 1,000 Valiums stuffed into her purse and in every pocket of her clothes. Plus we took her car and it was so filthy it actually had fresh and dessicated dog turds in it.
It took us about 45 minutes to clean it out before we left- and we filled two huge garbage cans in the process.
I'm not sure Sarah Silverman is a dirty pig like that, but she's got the same mouth on her- and that makes me nervous.