Too Legit? Bullshit!



Former rapper MC Hammer and former pitchman Ed McMahon will be doing an ad during the Superbowl on Sunday for a company that buys scrap gold.
I feel kind of sorry for broke-ass Hammer because he's kind of dumb and likable, but McMahon can suck it.
Instead of doing an ad where he's pretending he has any gold to sell, McMahon should instead dig himself up to his neck in sweepstakes investments.
Considering how he fronted for a bogus company that ripped off senile old people like my late mother for thousands of dollars, Ed should take the same risk with his dwindling bank account.
Besides, selling scrap gold is a ripoff.
Last year I found a little box I'd forgotten about filled with odd earrings and a few broken gold chains that I decided to sell for scrap. I was amazed at how little they paid.
Good thing I didn't need the money.
Leaving Hammer out of this, I still think the best thing for McMahon to do is dump the trophy wife, sell the mansion at a loss, get rid of the biting, lawsuit collecting little mutt and find himself a cozy two-bedroom apartment in Oxnard.
That way he can fill out his sweepstakes entries in private.

Obama Had To Try Bipartisanship This Time -- Next Time Will Be Different
By Art Brodsky for the Huffington Post

So let's get this straight. House Republicans don't care if their constituents have their TV cut off as a result of the mass confusion surrounding the conversion to digital television. How else to explain that only 22 of their number voted to extend the conversion deadline from Feb. 17, as it is now, to June 13? Given that the Senate had already passed the extension, it seems like a no-brainer, as it were.

And yet, rather than make sure that the people in their districts would not have to contend with snowed-out TV, 155 House Republicans wanted more to embarrass President Obama, who had endorsed the transition.

It's one thing for the Republicans to withhold their votes completely from a massive stimulus package, even one that could put lots of people back to work. It's quite another rather cavalierly to throw the TV watching habits of millions of Americans to the wind on a political lark.

That's the game the Republicans have chosen to play, along with 13 Democrats, primarily the self-indulgent Blue Dogs from rural districts. The bill actually got more votes than needed for passage under normal procedures, but the House leadership rationally figured that no one would vote against TV for their constituents like Health Shuler (BD-NC) or Charlie Melancon (BD-LA).
Guess they don't watch TV in Asheville or in Bayou Lafourche, right? So the leadership put the bill on what's called the "suspension calendar," meaning it needed a two-third vote to pass. Despite the 258 votes in favor, that total wasn't enough to ensure passage. Rest assured, the bill will be back under regular order, and will pass. It will be interesting to see how many of those who voted against it this time will do so again.

The vote on TV was instructive, because if the Republicans (and those self-righteous Blue Dogs) will vote against TV, they will vote against anything. Heck, the vote on the stimulus package was probably easier for them than the TV vote.

If nothing else, the votes this week presented a clear road map to Obama and to the American people. A presidential term is a marathon, not a sprint, so it's tempting to see the decisions Obama made to try to get Republican support in a short-term framework. Kicking out family planning angered a lot of women, a key constituency for the Democratic party. Putting in more non-productive tax cuts angered a lot of progressives.

But Obama had to play the hand this way this time. After talking about the need for post-partisanship and bipartisanship, he had to go up to Capitol Hill, make concessions to the Republicans and the Blue Dogs, and then watch all of the Republicans vote against him. They said they liked Obama, of course, it was the nasty House Democrat leadership that the Republicans don't like. Nonsense. Voting against the plan was a vote against Obama, as much as it was one against Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA).

Now the game has changed. Obama knows he can't trust the Republicans. Their idea of bipartisanship is someone going along with their bad ideas, like privatizing Social Security or giving tax cuts to the rich. Any resistance is attacked as playing politics, or partisan behavior. Obama can't event trust the Blue Dogs, some of whom owe their seats to Rahm Emanuel, Obama's chief of staff who recruited them when heading up the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. One Blue Dog veteran, Rep. Jim Cooper (BD-TN), extracted a promise for a fiscal responsibility summit, then voted against the stimulus package anyway. Is that promise still good? Perhaps Cooper's invite to the summit could get lost in that balky White House email system.

Now Obama can go to the American people and say, "I tried." I tried to go the extra mile, tried to make compromises to get a bill, tried to be bipartisan within the context of an election which Democrats won. And what did I get? Literally, nothing. Not one Republican vote. Not one. They resurrected the 1993 playbook when the Democrats had to rescue the economy from the first George Bush without one Republican vote and lost Congress as a result.

That playbook is sadly out of date. Obama isn't Bill Clinton. His mandate is more solid, his popularity more assured. If the Democratic National Committee manages to create the Organizing for America operation from the Obama campaign, and works it well, a new era of participatory democracy will descend on Capitol Hill and the Republicans won't like it. Obama will be less likely to make concessions to anger core constituencies as well, and that will be for the better because, as he put it, "I won." The Republicans who spent much of the debate on the stimulus package complaining about the spending in the bill (and making the same argument on the digital TV transition) also bear the responsibility for turning the $127 billion surplus they inherited from Bill Clinton into deficits beyond description through their own tax cuts and wasteful spending.

The Blue Dogs also will have to watch themselves as Obama's policies become more popular and they strive to keep their distance, even while campaigning on his popularity in 2010 in some of those states that went for the president last year.

This revolution will be televised, whether on TV or on the Internet, and the Republicans and their Blue Dog buddies won't be able to stop it.

This Goes Out to the House Republicans




Well, well, well, President Obama passed his stimulus bill without one single vote from you recalcitrant GOP motherfuckers.
After he tried so hard to reach out his hand in non-partisanship for the good of the country, those fucking Republicans chose party over country and ignored his gestures.
The news pundits interviewed some of those idiots and we had to hear gems like, "He wants to fund the National Endowment for the Arts!!"
Yeah, so?
What's wrong with restoring the culture of a great nation, you lawn flamingo, Budweiser sign havin' hayseed fucks?
How many people in the world can tell you what kind of munitions the Italians had in their arsenal the year the Mona Lisa made her debut? NONE.
The GOP's stimulus packages benefited their cronies on Wall Street and banking, but did it help save one fucking job or home or car? Hell no!
Listen Republicans, we saw how your ideas failed.
You think you have the right to force more of your stupid, failed ideas on President Obama?
Think again.
He won. You lost.
And you're no good.

These Goddamned Republicans



Bush and Dick are gone, you idiots. Get over it.


1. First off, it's not the Democrat party, you morons, it's the Democratic party. How ignorant do you have to be to not be able to get the name of your opposition party right?
Democrats do not call Republicans "Repubeicans" or "Repugnicans" so why don't you petty, miserable assholes return the courtesy?
2. All this hubbub with the Republicans bitching about Obama's stimulus plan, if those guys are so god damned smart, why is America so fucked up economically after 8 years of that stupid Republican fuck George Bush and his lemming Republican enablers sucking his dick from both Houses?

Republicans should sit down, shut the fuck up and take their medicine. Nobody cares what those bumbling assholes have to say about saving the economy. THEY BROKE IT.

I'm all for Obama trying to be bipartisan and reach across the aisle, but if those assholes don't respond in kind, fuck 'em. Hard!

Yay John Conyers!



Time to face the music, fatface.
Bushie ain't here to protect you anymore, scumbag.

Hey Republicans!

I'll keep this short and sweet.
You lost.
Stop trying to gum up the works. It makes you look like the clowns you are.
Please recall who fucked up the ecomony over the last eight years and save your horrible advice to the President.
And, yeah, John Boehner, I'm talking to you.

Prosecuting BushCo
My Favorite New Topic



Call me a dreamer, but I have high hopes that President Obama's Justice Department is just itching to bring Bush and his criminal cohorts to justice for war crimes, crimes against humanity and other criminal acts and high crimes in violation of the charter of the United Nations, international law, the Constitution of the United States and laws made in pursuance thereof.

Ben Smith of Politico.com wrote:
"President Barack Obama is staffing his Justice Department with some of his predecessor's fiercest critics, and lawyers who have spent years defining the limits of executive power will now be helping to wield it.

The change may be most dramatic at the Justice Department’s Office of Legal Counsel — which defended some of Bush’s most controversial policies — where a small cadre of lawyers who had an outsized influence on legal criticism of Bush are taking the top three jobs.

Those three — Dawn Johnsen, Martin Lederman and David Barron—and others made the case that Bush’s interrogation policy was justified by flawed legal reasoning. Their arguments precipitated one of Obama’s most dramatic early acts: flatly repudiating all government legal advice on interrogation issued between September 11, 2001, and January 20, 2009....

If the President will allow the Justice Department simply to do their jobs and investigate Bush's 'alleged' crimes, there's no need for him to become embroiled in the sure-to-come claims of witch hunting by the snitty GOP.
Unlike Bush, I think President Obama understands there are three branches of the Federal Government, and I have no doubt he'll remind people of that if the right-wing cry babies start harping about moving forward and letting bygones be bygones.
The crimes millions of people throughout the world believe Bush and his criminal cronies committed include the murder of thousands of innocent people, and there is no statute of limitations on murder.
Bush, Cheney, Gonzalez, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz and Rice all have blood on their hands, and at the very least their crimes need to be investigated.

It's true, President Obama has a ton of pressing issues he must deal with immediately. The economy is in critical condition and there are two wars to consider.
But he's not a Justice Department attorney and he needn't immerse himself in the day to day details of investigating and likely prosecuting the corrupt Bush regime.
He has dozens of talented, seasoned attorneys in the Justice Department, and he should let them do their jobs.

Investigating the crimes of his predecessor is just as important to our nation as healing the economy and dealing with Bush's wars.
Without resolving those issues, America will lose its footing as a nation of laws and justice for all.
The world is watching.

They'll Be Coming Out of the Woodwork



>>snip>>
Russell D. Tice is a former intelligence analyst for the U.S. Air Force, Office of Naval Intelligence, Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) and National Security Agency (NSA). During his nearly 20 year career with various United States government agencies, he conducted intelligence missions related to the Kosovo War, Afghanistan, the USS Cole bombing in Yemen and Operation Iraqi Freedom. In December, 2005, Tice helped spark a national controversy over claims that the NSA and the DIA were engaged in unlawful and unconstitutional wiretaps on American citizens. He later admitted that he was one of the sources that were used in the New York Times' reporting on the wiretap activity in December 2005.

Tice began to receive national attention as a whistleblower in May, 2005, after speaking publicly about alleged retaliation by government officials for reporting his suspicions that a DIA colleague might be a Chinese spy, and about the need for legislation to protect national security agency whistleblowers. <<<<

Now that Bush and Dick are out on their crooked asses, Tice is becoming a regular on Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow's MSNBC shows, and he's telling just how slimy and devious the Bush spy network has been toward ordinary citizens.
Using certain algorhythms, Bush's spooks were listening in on millions of calls made and taken by all sorts of people, especially journalists.
I imagine any blogger who's ever said even one tiny incendiary thing about BushCo has been tapped at least a couple of hundred times.
The NSA had free reign under Bush, and apparently they took full advantage of the lawlessness encouraged by the corrupt, deceitful Bush regime.
Now that the Bush goons are gone, imagine the stories we'll be hearing by whistleblowers in the coming months.
One step closer to prosecuting those miserable, treasonous sons of bitches.

GOP Desperate to Find Something to Bitch About



Oh, for Christ's sake.
The right-wing whiners are all abuzz that President Obama's in the Oval Office working in shirt sleeves, without the requisite suit jacket.
Lil' Bush insisted that all men wear jackets in the Oval Office- and we all know how that rule created an atmosphere of dignity and productivity.
Hell's bells, Obama could come to work in a Hawaiian shirt and cutoffs for all I care.
The GOP are obviously more concerned about appearances than accomplishments. This pettiness is getting beyond ridiculous.

Write This Goofy Bastard and Give Him Hell



Just as America has ridden itself of one Republican asshole from Texas, up steps Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX) to stick his blatantly partisan schnozzola into Hillary Clinton's confirmation as Secretary of State.
Oh, he said he planned to vote for her confirmation, he just wanted some "extra time to probe Bill Clinton's foundation."
What the fuck?
Hasn't this idiot figured out that America is sick and tired of Republican bullying, so sick they threw them out of office in droves? So sick they chose a Black man (heaven forbid!)as president over yet another white male Republican?
Please, though Cornyn makes it hard as hell to find his e-mail address without having to actually write the letter first, please ferret out his contact information and write him a scathingly hot letter protesting his partisan obstructionism. Then copy it and post it in my comments.
Here's the one I wrote him this morning, just to get you fired up:

Sen. Cornyn:

It is time to put away petty partisan showmanship and Republican grandstanding and serve all your constituents in Texas.
George W. Bush already embarrassed us Texans enough with his partisan bullying, and you see how far that got the GOP.
You dragging your feet on Hillary Clinton's confirmation as Sec. of State continues Bush's trend of GOP tomfoolery.
Your obvious partisanship has made the national news and, like Bush, you're embarrassing Texas.
You work for us, not the Republican party, not Karl Rove and not the disgraced former president.
Stop the partisan bullying. NOW.

Now you can do better than that, and now with Bush gone you no longer have to worry about jack-booted CIA or FBI goons showing up at your doorstep to arrest you as an enemy combatant.
Tell Cornyn the partisan game is over, and the GOP lost.
Do it now.

This Goes Out to J.O. and the Big White Monkey

Inauguration Day


h/t to earthbound misfit

I present to you a mini blog concert to commemorate this great day in American history.
This first song goes out to George W. Bush, the worst president in our long history.
And George, go ahead and let the door hit you on the way out, you scumbag motherfucker.

Congratulations, President Obama



Please restore our hope.
You've seen the millions of us welcome you and show you the respect that you deserve.
We face many challenges, and we trust you to lead us through the darkness.
But please, Mr. President, before you move us toward the future, clean up the crimes perpetrated by the Bush administration.
Start your term by insisting that justice be your guiding principle.
Give us justice first.
Please.

Cheney Hurt His Back Moving Out



Karma, sweet karma!
Seems old Dick tried to lift a moving box and pulled out his back.
He'll be attending President Obama's swearing in ceremony in a wheelchair.
Ha. Better check the brakes, old man.

She's Smokin' Hot



Michelle Obama's ensemble for the We Are One Inaugural Concert was totally perfect in every way.
We get at least four years of seeing an attractive, tall, intelligent first lady. Yay!
Did anyone out there catch that concert on HBO?
Even corny old Garth Brooks raised the roof with his rendition of "Shout."
And I noticed Denzel Washington and Jamie Foxx were both auditioning for the lead in the inevitable Obama bio-pic. Denzel gave a presidential-style speech and Foxx did a spot-on Obama impersonation. Delish!
And Shakira, Usher and Stevie Wonder singing, "Higher Ground"? Be still my heart, Shakira. No, really.
What a happy day.

Dear Mr. President
an open letter from Karen Zipdrive



>snip>
Tension is building behind the scenes among Barack Obama's advisers over whether the new administration should investigate allegations of torture and other Bush administration misdeeds. Obama has said he wants to "move forward," but pressure on his team has increased thanks to recent comments in The Washington Post by a top Pentagon official that the treatment of one Guantánamo detainee "met the legal definition of torture." One transition source, who asked not to be identified discussing sensitive matters, said that Attorney General-designate Eric Holder may be more inclined than other Obama aides to press the matter.

>snip>
WASHINGTON —House Speaker Nancy Pelosi wants an investigation into whether the Bush administration broke the law when it fired a group of federal prosecutors.
She says that what she calls the politicizing of the Justice Department cannot go unreviewed.
House Democrats last week recommended a criminal investigation to see if administration officials broke the law in the name of national security. The report cited the interrogation of foreign detainees, warrantless wiretaps, retribution against critics, manipulation of intelligence and the fired prosecutors.
Barack Obama has been more cautious. He has said he believes there is a need to look forward as opposed to looking backward.

Dear President Obama,

Moving forward is great, but you cannot allow the overwhelming burdens left to you by the Bush administration inundate you to the extent that you ignore the war crimes they perpetrated with such gleeful abandon.
The world is watching, sir.
Either America is a nation of laws with no one above the law, or it's not.
It's glaringly apparent that Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld violated several laws, especially when it comes to torture, rendition and violation of the civil and human rights of thousands of people worldwide.
This is not a time to move forward, sir.
It is a time to enforce the American notion of justice and bring criminals to that justice.
You don't need to circumvent due process and railroad the Bush perpetrators into guilty verdicts; all we ask is thorough investigations, charges if they are warranted, and swift trials of the accused.
You simply cannot move ahead without seeking justice.
We love you. We trust you.
But we have expectations tied to those sentiments, and you will squander them if you refuse to deal with the Bush administration's misdeeds.

Sincerely,
Karen Zipdrive

So Long, Fucktard.

I'm Not a Mom, and Here's Another Reason Why



Even though I (fortunately) cannot relate to this woman's plight, I have to pass it on because it's so clever.
I dedicate this to the artist formerly known as D-Cup, a mom of seemingly a couple of dozen kids.
;)

A Great Read



I read a lot.
From novels to biographies to non-fiction to magazines to blogs and newspapers; I am a voracious reader.
But my favorite genre has to be feature stories.
As a feature writer myself, I know what it takes to capture a reader for a couple dozen paragraphs and leave them feeling satisfied.
I subscribe to Vanity Fair magazine because I believe they offer the best feature writing available today.
I was particularly struck by the clean, descriptive and entertaining prose written for Vanity Fair by C.Brian Smith, a handsome gay college friend of Not-Jenna Bush, the other twin daughter of W.
Here's a link to his wonderful story about dinners with the Bush family at the White House.

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2009/01/dubya-and-me200901?currentPage=1

Please read it and tell me what you thought of it. Thank you.

Oh, Andy.



CNN's Anderson Cooper levies a huge caveat for those who want to interview him: "No personal questions."
I'm pretty sure Elton John, Melissa Etheridge, Martina Navratalova, Ellen DeGeneres, Portia DiRossi, Queen Latifah, Wanda Sykes, Clay Aiken and your broadcasting colleague Rachel Maddow would all say the same thing.
Come out of the closet, Andy.
It's really okay.
No, really.

I love Dawn Johnson

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

This is definitely worth 6 minutes of your time to watch.
Those of us who believe Bush is a war criminal who flouted the Constitution and the laws of our nation think it's not enough to simply jeer at him as he leaves office.
I am happy that Obama's term promises a new beginning, but part of that new beginning should be cleaning up the wreckage from the Bush years.
Justice is called for, and without it there will be no new beginning.
Capitulating to Republicans by refusing to deal with the crimes of Bush and his cohorts would be a major mistake on Obama's part.
He needs to do the right thing by the American people.

Dry Drunk? Not So Fast.



A reliable source tells me her cousin is a long-time employee at the Midland Country Club, where Bush frequently joins his oil rich buddies for boozing and bullshitting sessions.
It's common knowledge there among the staff that Bush has his booze slipped into a Coke can by bartenders, lest some traitor with a camera snaps him belting down the Jack Daniels out in the open.
He's been drinking the whole time he's been in office.
As for Laura the enabler? Poppy and Crotchface Babs have put the kibosh on her request for a divorce, but her consolation prize is a mansion in Dallas, while her ne'er-do-well hubby is exiled to Crawford so he can drink till he pukes amongst the cedar and brush.
I wouldn't want an active alkie driving me anywhere, much less driving the country from the Oval Office.
His continued alcoholism explains a lot.
Especially the delusional, grandiose parts.

Bush's Last Press Conference.

If anyone had even a sliver of doubt that Bush is the most sniveling, ignorant, whining, delusional, finger pointing son of a bitch in the history of America, his farewell news conference on Monday removed all doubt.
I hope Obama watched it and it made him so disgusted and angry he'll decide to make time to push for a full investigation and prosecution of Bush's many crimes against our nation and the world.
Bush has no awareness, no conscience, and no capacity for understanding just how much of a fuck-up he is, was and will always be.
I'm glad he said what he said in these waning days of his failed presidency. That way, people who were starting to forgive and forget have been reminded who this "person" is, a horrible, despicable excuse for a human being.
Let's just hope karma exists so one day he gets exactly what he deserves.
Hate may be a toxic emotion, but it was created for guys like Bush.
I really, truly hate him.

A War Crimes Blogatorial



Lately when I've pondered what to blog about, the topic of war crimes keeps popping into my head.
I suppose I could make my case by writing a studious summary of who and what and when the Bush administration has approved criminal activity toward "the enemy," but there are thousands of sites that do that. Just Google "war crimes" for a comprehensive list.
Let's just assume the Bush administration okayed and even prompted various war crimes, starting with Abu Ghraib and rendition, and branching out in all directions from there.
America does not exist in a vacuum; the whole world knows chicken hawks Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld's bloodlust resulted in countless civilian human rights violations and war crimes.
Thanks to Bush, America is one of the world's most hated nations. There is much Obama needs to do to restore our global credibility.
He's entering office with a looming economic depression, record deficits, two unfinished wars and a crumbling infrastructure.
Yet he must make time to deal with the criminal activities of his predecessor and his cohorts.
If Obama wants to restore our nation's reputation for democracy and legitimacy in the world, he must launch an investigation into (at least) the major actions of the former Commander in Chief and his Secretary of Defense.
We all know Podunk privates would not have tortured and humiliated detainees in Abu Ghraib without authorization from their superior officers. And they wouldn't have okayed it without the same. And the list climbs all the way to the Pentagon and the White House, whose gross under reaction to the events shows disregard so blatant it rises to the level of complicity.
Any investigation would conclude the same, and they deserve a fair trial, but they need to be tried and Obama needs to make time to see that they are.
Platitudes and moving speeches are one thing, but in this case I think the world needs to see swift American justice in action. Obama has the power to make that happen, and he should.
The world needs to know America does not tolerate sadistic torture from any of its citizens- not even the president and his cabinet.

Joe the War Correspondent



Now he's in Southern Israel, pretending to be a war correspondent.
Yep, he's working for pjtv.com, an unknown conservative "news outlet." They must be pretty serious about reportage, drafting this guy to be their eyes and ears on the ground.
His status as a hardened war correspondent was clear when he stood in front of a pile of spent rockets and said, "I have thousands of questions but I can't think of the right one."
I can think of one, Joe.
What was pjtv.com thinking?

Enough Already



I was over at Kill this Character and D-Cap posted about the characters in the Sea Bond ads.
That got me to thinking, why are people over 50 getting their teeth whitened so much they look like they're wearing dentures?
I am not immune to the dictates of society myself- my dentist has brightened my teeth a little, but no so much that I can light up a room when I enter it.
But why must people like crusty old Ed McMahon overdo it?
Are we expected to believe a guy that old has maintained sheet white choppers for the last 80 years? Feh.
John McCain needed a little brightening, but not so much that he looks like he's in a Poligrip ad like Ed does.
People, by all means tell your dentists to do it, just don't overdo it. Okay?

Adios MoFo



Turns out the Bushes will be high-tailing it back to Midland on inauguration day.
Ahh, Midland.
I was forced to attend a journalism conference in Midland a while back and I recall the clock on the courthouse being 10 minutes late.
I also watched at dusk from my downtown hotel window a red light on a major thoroughfare stay yellow for 22 minutes.
Midland is possibly the dullest town on America.
It's the home of fat businessmen who wear cowboy boots with suits and ladies with genuine beauty parlor hair-dos.
Everything bad you hear about Texas is encapsulated in Midland.
What a perfect place for Bush to make his descent.

Another Bush Blunder



The photo you see is a page from the Blair House guest book, where Bush 41 and his battle ax wife Babs signed in with their extended family to stay before 41 was inaugurated.
It's protocol for the president-elect and his family to stay there before taking the keys to the White House.
Blair House has massive security, it's already paid for and has a fully trained, well-vetted staff in place.
So why are President elect Obama and his family being forced to stay in a hotel instead?
Why are we taxpayers footing the bill for hotel fees, security details and all the rest instead of allowing the Obamas to stay at Blair House?
Because the Bush's are a bunch of low class hicks, that's why.
When the Obamas asked to stay at Blair House after he was elected, the Bush team lied and said it already was booked.
Trouble is, it wasn't at the time the Obama's made their request.
Now the schmuck who'll be staying there instead is has-been and Bush buddy John Howard, the disgraced former PM of Australia.
Who? Indeed.
They can't put him in a hotel instead?
What kind of last ditch fuckery is this?
I just hate petty people.
In fact, most Texans are very gracious about making out of town guests feel safe and comfortable. Hospitality is real in Texas--it's expected of us.
Bush 41 made sure Bill and Hillary has use of Blair House before Clinton took office, but their recalcitrant bastard of a son? Huh uh.
Someone please throw another shoe at that fucking rube.
Or better still, make it a fake leather cowboy boot.

Palpable Excitement



Guess who's in Air Force One flying to Washington?
President Obama.
That's right, he's already using the presidential ride.
I guess they cleaned up all the empty Jack Daniels bottles and puke stains and cleared out all the Hank Williams Jr. CDs so now Air Force One is ready to start transporting a real president.
Seeing this lifted my spirits. You?
Oh, and I read Bush is only getting Secret Service protection for 10 years instead of for life. Now there's a tax saving measure we can believe in!

To Old Bush: Shut the Fuck Up!



Poppy Bush was on Fox News (of course)saying how he wanted his punkin' headed son Jeb to run for Senate, then eventually President.
First of all, when the smart kid in the family is named after a character in "Deliverance," that's a big red flag.
Second of all, does Poppy actually think the last Bush in office paved a way for any Bush to get back in?
I can see how the idiots on Florida might elect Punkin' Head to the Senate, because Floridians tend to be crazy.
But president? Of the United States?
Oh, hell no.
If I were Poppy and his old pit bull Babs, I'd be so embarrassed after their firstborn's presidential stint, I'd fade into the woodwork like Nixon had the courtesy to do.
But Poppy has the balls to publicly admit he still has hopes for getting another one of his demon spawn into the Oval Office? What?
Hell, they haven't even finished vacuuming the pretzel crumbs and sunflower seeds out of the White House sofa cushions and he's thinking about Jeb. It's insane.
The Bushes have had their turn and they failed.
It's over.
Move on.

Nutty Hubris in the Afterlife



Behold the pre-arranged final resting spot of Roland Burris, the loony loser Rod Blogojxyzw selected as the man to fill Obama's vacated Senate seat.
What kind of jumbo jet of an ego does someone have to have to create this type of grave site for himself?
Is this guy kiddin'?
I thought afterlife tributes like this were supposed to be created by loving heirs.
Could it be that Burris created his own because he worried that his heirs' estimation of him as a man could never match up to his own?
Whatever the case, the kind of ego that would be required to justify such an obscene self tribute is not the kind of person who should represent anyone but himself.
Guys like Burris are the types who pie throwers love to aim for. I just hope some enterprising pie thrower beans this jerk in the kisser before his 15 minutes are up.

What I Like About YOU!



Call me shallow, I don't care, but what I really like best about the new freshman senator from New York Caroline Kennedy is that she looks halfway beat to hell.
With her dough, she could afford Botox, plastic surgery, expensive creams and lotions that would make that sweet face look less like it was carved from cornbread.
But no.
CK's face has miles of laughter, roads of sorrow and plenty of character etched into it.
This is a woman for whom circumstances have brought the depths of sorrow and the heights of elation. Her face shows every high and low.
She may not have a miles-long political resume, but this woman has lived and loved and lost enough to give her a sense of empathy as a public servant.
Way to go, Senator Kennedy.
May God bless you as you serve the people.

Word.

Happy New Year!


Beat it, Mofo, and don't come 'round here no mo.


I so wanted to sit down and do the proper research and create for my readers a compendium of 2008's nuttiest political moments, but the list grew so huge I became discouraged.
Besides, it's not just the last annum horribilis we are slithering away from; 2009 brings us the final days of the abysmal Bush years.
Compiling a list of Bush's greatest blunders would be easy.
Simply review the daily news headlines for the last 8 years and when you see the name Bush, the blunder(s) du jour will be apparent.
But everyone seems to be doing their version of listing the many ways Bush has failed, and I'm not sure I could add anything new to the mix.
As for 2008, Sarah Palin and her white trash family, John McCain and his nasty rich, lily white existence, Hell, Republicans in general were shown to be the sniveling scumbags they are.
Finally, even the dimmest Kool-aid drinkers seemed to wise up, connect the dots and vote most of these criminal GOP assholes out of office.
That leaves us a tabula rasa in America.
We have hope that a new, smart guy can help us wipe off the slime Bush and his chums have dragged us through.
We have hope that President Obama will end the war in Iraq, then quickly finish things up in Afghanistan and get us the Hell out of the Middle East once and for all.
We believe he'll start down the road of energy independence and encourage new technologies that won't cause Al Gore to lose any more sleep.
We can conceive of Obama having solutions to the looming economic depression, the crumbling infrastructure and sagging educational standards in America.
I am tired of feeling scared and sick of feeling angry at the way our government has screwed us for the last 8 years.
Eight years of Bush and 2008 make me think the number 8 is just not a lucky number.
Though I will miss the ironic, sardonic humor Bush and his goons have provided the media and us news junkies for so many years, I am willing to give it up for a few years of maturity, sanity and wisdom from our leaders.
I can tolerate political buffoons like Blagojevich because he's toothless, powerless and on the way out.
I can still delight in the foibles of Sarah Palin and her cast of clowns because Alaska hasn't got shit to do with me, plus she's been so discredited nationally there's no way she can ever climb much higher than the governor's mansionette in Nowheresville.
But for me, 2009 represents a glimmer of renewed hope.
I think we might be okay after all.
So happy new year, my friends.
May God bless us all.