Bravo TV's "Make Me a Supermodel"
So sue me, I love Bravo's entire line up of reality TV programming.
Well, not the entire line up.
I really hate the show, "Make Me a Supermodel."
Oh, I watch it, but it's kind of like peeling an old sunburn or watching a dog crap on my lawn- I don't like it, but I have a warped sense of curiosity that compels me to stop clicking whenever I run across it on an idle Saturday afternoon.
Is it me, or are fashion models the creepiest assclowns next to Republican politicians?
Can you imagine making a living by putting on borrowed clothing and posing for pictures? Can you imagine having to watch every calorie you consume and every pore on your face to protect your vanity job?
On this show, they seem to attract the most vapid, conceited, ridiculous personalities ever. Example: On seeing the sumptuous model residence the producers provide for the cast, one of the dumbbell guy contestants said, "I really think this place is good put-together."
And the challenges are even more ridiculous. In the one I've pictured above, contestants were covered in chocolate or other candied glop to look like sickly sweet confections.
They were told to bring their candied characters to life. What the fuck?
No wonder so many models live on black coffee, an occasional Tic Tac and heroin.
It's not like they have to think or anything.
The women are silly and bitchy and the men are either big, dumb straight jocks or total fagelahs.
Here are their standard remarks to the camera:
"I am a blank canvas."
"I am androgynous and I can be masculine or feminine."
"I'm gonna rock this competition!"
"I don't think Grant/Salome are real enough, like I am."
"Being on the catwalk is a dream come true for me."
"Okay, thank you very much for the opportunity."
Interchange them and you have the whole damn season's quotes.
Unless your name is Heidi Klum or you're in a Victoria's Secret ad, please don't bore me with your modeling shtick.
Oh, I'll watch, but it'll be with utter disdain.