My Guilty Pleasure: The Real Housewives of NYC
I think I may be a gay man trapped in a dyke's body.
How else can I explain my utter fascination with Bravo TV's "The Real Housewives of NYC"? I try not to miss an episode, and I joyfully watch it every time they rerun it, which is several times per week.
Check these broads out:
From left to right, we have Alex, the poorest, yet snobbiest NYC housewife who's married to a what could be the homeliest gay man on Earth. They have two little boys, pretentiously named Francois and Johan, who behave like maniacs on too much sugar and pots of caffeine. They are co-writing a book on child rearing, which would be like me writing a book on giving really great fellatio.
Then there's Jill Zarin, a Long Island Jewish Princess who's accent is slightly stronger than Jerry Seinfeld's TV parents. She's always sticking her foot in her month and mothering everyone, even her own mother. And she's never just Jill, she's always JillZarin.
Then there's Bethanny, a single chef with an accent equal to JillZarin. She's hilarious, neurotic and mischievous. Of the six of them, she's the least obnoxious.
Next comes Ramona, the opinionated, dumb, crazy bitch with those classic, crazy lady eyes. She gives plenty of unsolicited advice and makes impossibly rude statements, then asks why people get upset with her.
Next is Countess LouAnn, who got her title from marrying a dumpy older jerk who treats everyone like shit. The Countess is writing a book on etiquette, yet she's as likely to say rude things and quick to take offense as the rest of these bitches.
Not pictured is the new housewife Kelly, a former model/equestrian who hangs out at the Hamptons with her too-too fabulous friends. She was recently arrested (off camera) for punching her younger male companion in the head. You can just tell she's a real-life bitch.
Anyway, I just love to watch these horrible, hilarious women who lunch.
Even if you're a straight man, you just have to watch it at least once.
Seriously, I'm not steering you wrong here, I promise.
If you're already a fan, please dish with me in the comments. Pretty please!