Monday, March 02, 2009

Hear Me Now and Believe Me Later

Not to brag or anything, but I've been blogging since 2001 and my archives clearly display a prescience I'm rather proud of.
With that in mind, I'm predicting that House Minority leader John Boehner has some mammoth skeletons in his closet we may well find out about in due time.
On what do I base these suspicions?

1. Nobody from Ohio is that tanned in the middle of winter. Vanity in a male is a recipe for sexual shenanigans.
2. His wedding band is too wide. See MacBeth, "the lady doth protest too much..."
3. For a Republican, he's not that bad looking.
4. He's too arrogant to note that his party is totally devoid of credibility.
5. He displays obvious signs that he has an overblown sense of entitlement.

Therefore, I deduce that he's either fucking every chick he can find, or he's a pedophile who's into teen boys or little girls.

Seriously, we gotta watch this guy.
Something is just not Kosher with this straight-laced pretty boy with the sneaky eyes.

Okay, okay, maybe he's not a sex fiend or a perve. Maybe he's just skimming money or taking huge bribes.

But something about this cat stinks, and time will tell us what that odor is. Trust me on this, Mama Zipdrive knows.


Lulu Maude said...

Maybe he's just repulsive.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Well, that goes without saying. But there's something worse that lurks behind that repulsive smirk, trust me on that.

zoe said...

I'll say alcoholism and B and D with his favorite hooker. You are on to something.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Jeeze Zoe, how could I miss alcoholism? The saggy eyes, the eye bags- I think you nailed it.

nonnie9999 said...

maybe he and charlie crist just like smearing self-tanner on each other.

i think boohoo's downfall will have something to do with money. i don't get the womanizer or gay vibe from him.

HelenWheels said...

Since he's also a boozer I'd say he's definitely worth watching.

Boozers eventually fuck up, and when they do, it's spectacular.

And then there is nonnie's suggestion, which sounds about right.

karenzipdrive said...

The alkie connection leads me to believe that sooner or later, he's gonna get into the wrong bed with someone.

kirby said...

I say kickbacks and booze, but even a gay man, especially a gay man, would know that wearing that much bronzer is a fashion don't.

Lulu Maude said...

Actually, looks more like Cover Girl than bronzer, with a nice layer of pancake. No blush, though..

Dusty said...

Boner is hiding something. Hope we find out wtf it is. ;)

bigsis said...

I hadn't thought of the alcohol thing either, good one zoe. If I had to guess I'd say it'll be a woman thing because its all about his looks, which you don't need if you've got a stockpile of ill gotten cash. Ask Henry Kissinger.

Distributorcap said...

the name says it all - boner.